The beginning of everything else

Checking in

When we decided what to do for New Year, our decision had been pretty simple, not only had we all spent the last few years at various wild parties waking up on January 1st feeling hungover and gross, but we all had a lot coming up in the next few months. We'll order take out, stock Noah and Elle's place with plenty of alcohol and ring in the new year around their table, a little tipsy, and in good company but with the hopes of a slightly clearer head come the morning. Another benefit to this new year's Eve plan is to check in on the two of them to make sure that this rapid reunion is firmly on track.

I'd spent the first 17 years of my life dreading this outcome and then a year watching the two of them prove me wrong. By the time we reached that last summer I had been convinced that they were going to be together for the rest of their lives and I had been so caught up in my own fear of change I hadn't noticed as it started to unravel in front of my eyes.

Initially, I had grasped the concept of why Noah had chosen to end things, that he didn't want to be the one to hold her back, but I don't think I really understood that until a few months later, when I saw her start at USC and begin to flourish. As soon as I understood the guilt had rolled over me like a wave, not only guilt about how much pressure I'd put on Elle but also that I hadn't supported my brother better and talked him out of his idiot plan. 

You see all of those fears about Elle and me going to school in different cities had come to nothing, sure there had maybe been 1 or 2 weekends when we saw each other that wouldn't have been possible from different coasts, but the reason that she remained my best friend, my closest confidant was more about our commitment to Skype often than my infrequent returns to LA. Yet when she had been making her decision about college, I had tried to make it about me and our rules. It had taken Noah to realize what was happening and put the brakes on, something that I was ashamed to say I would have never done. 

Over the years I had seen them both struggle, not with life in general - they were both smashing that - but it was so clear that they just weren't quite themselves without each other, yet something was stopping each of them from reaching out and making that first step. 

For Elle the issue had been straightforward. Noah had told her that their love maybe wasn't enough and so she believed that this was how he truly felt. For Elle to give this another chance, she needed to see that he was willing to make it work and so I knew she wouldn't be the one to reach out.

Noah on the other hand was more complex. His initial conviction that he was holding her back quickly morphed into the realization that they had just needed to pause, but instead of giving her room to breathe, he had made a rash decision that he had regretted before he'd even made the trip back to the airport. Chloe and I had hoped that he might reach out to try and make amends, but as time rolled on he became convinced that he has messed up too badly to get another chance. I'd been subtly hinting for years that he should make contact in some way, but in the end, knowing he was deciding between East or West Coast, I lost my patience with gentle nudging and out and out suggested he just get on a plane.

Since the carnival they have surfaced occasionally like when they moved or some family dinners. For the most part however, they had been spending much-needed time with one another reconnecting, so now I want to check in on them and make sure that everything is going OK.

Rach and I pick up Tuppen and Char before heading on over to Noah and Shelly's place, and we catch up and get to know Char a little on the way. She's a funny, confident and intelligent woman, and their relationship has slight echoes of my brother and best friend, which is interesting to see. Of course with Noah and Elle I had a front-row seat to see how he had instantly dropped that player persona as soon as she was on the scene, but with Tuppen, although we had gotten to know him better during senior year, we had still parted company without seeing him even contemplate having a girlfriend. This must be what Noah and Elle's relationship had looked like to everyone else when he returned that first summer from Boston, the player, the big man on campus, suddenly totally head over heels in love.