The beginning of everything else

Lilac Blouse

I heard them before I saw them.

"I really am sorry, the more I think about it the more awful I feel" I hear Elle's voice drift through the open window of the little coffee shop on the boardwalk.

"Elle... you don't need to be, It's OK" Noah's voice replies, and I feel guilty for asking him to meet up. There is obviously something going on between them, but I had been so wrapped up in my own issues that I hadn't noticed anything whilst we were in Mexico. Now I have him meeting me here instead of spending time with Elle.

"But I do, it makes it look like I don't trust you", I can see them now, Elle looks distraught, you can also hear it in the tone of her voice, but Noah is just looking at her adoringly, so whatever she is sorry for, I believe him when he says it's OK.

"Hey", he says, catching her hand and spinning her around to face him, "What you heard sounded really bad, if you think I'd expect you to hear that and not question it then you'd be wrong. Just next time call me, that's the only thing I'd ask you to do differently?"

"I'm sorry about that too", she says as he pulls her in, dipping his head into her hair as he holds her close.

"Stop apologizing, all I'm saying is, can we just agree to have the scary conversations upfront? I'm not going anywhere, you don't need to worry about that"

"Yeah, we can agree that" she says, smiling at him for the first time since I've seen them, "and I'm not going anywhere either"

The door opens and they walk over, so I give them both a tentative smile, I don't know how much Elle knows, but I have to assume it is at least a little given that she is here now. Noah and I have never really fought like this before, we've had little spats here and there, but nothing that blew up like this, and nothing that had gone on for this long. As they get to the table, Elle offers to go and buy our drinks, which leaves Noah and me alone for a few minutes to start this bloody awkward talk. 

He's just sitting watching me, tapping a finger almost silently on the tabletop. I've seen him angry before, something nearly always connected to Marco, and I've seen him incredibly sad, and struggling to cope when his relationship with Elle had ended, but every time I had seen Noah Flynn this unhappy, I had always been the friend who helped him through, I've never been the trigger.

"I'm sorry", I try hoping that it will start the conversation, "I know you were just trying to help"

He's tense, I can see it in his shoulders. I'm not sure if this is all me, or partly the remnants of what I overheard before they entered. Whatever this is though, I just need to get through it, because if any of it is to do with the conversation with Elle, I'm still the one that dragged him here. The finger tapping continues, and his gaze is looking over my shoulder in the direction that Elle went to order the drinks at the counter. For a moment, I think he might have decided that saving this friendship isn't worth it, but then as his shoulders relax, and he takes a deep breath I realize what he is doing. I'd never really seen this before, but people had spoken about how she soothes him, and as his hands finally stop fidgeting it becomes evident that watching Elle was calming him.

"I'm sorry too" he says breaking the silence and finally looking in my direction, "I was pretty blunt, and I shouldn't have been, but that aside, I still standby the overall point" 

"I know you're trying to help, but you don't understand. I - "

"You love him, I know Chlo" he interrupts, "but he's treating you like shit, and you're just letting him, I don't think you understand how this is affecting everyone around you"

"You're not letting me finish" I tell him frustrated, I just want him to understand, it's not that simple, he of all people should know what it's like not to be with the person you love.