The beginning of everything else

Table Talk

My heart is racing now at about 100 miles per hour, I have no chill I know, but still... I was worried about asking him what we are earlier, and now I'm dropping words like forever?!? So this could be awkward, but then again he's said he's going nowhere so hopefully he won't be spooked, and if he is...

"Same here"

Oh... He's moving to sit up now, and the expression on his face is that he is deep in thought.  I'm just sitting up to join him when he says, "Listen, there's something that I wanted to talk to you about".

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I know it was a throw-away comment but still, she's right, I could happily be like this forever, I'd be ecstatic in fact. After the last two days, Boston holds absolutely no interest for me whatsoever. The thought of having to get on a flight tonight is somewhat depressing, and the thought of not seeing her for at least a couple of weeks is even worse. I want to see her sooner, and I also want to get back to LA for good, both of those things however require some input from Elle, so this seems like a good place to start.

Standing up, I hold my hand out to help her to her feet. I know these aren't negative conversations, but they also feel like the kind of thing that is better discussed in a less horizontal position. Making our way to the kitchen, I decide to get the issue of next weekend out of the way first.

"So it's a couple of things... nothing to worry about" I let her know, "Firstly, next weekend I'll be in New York with Chloe, It's for..."

"Oh sure, that's OK, I mean I can't expect to see you every weekend, you have a life, right?" she interrupts. There's that thing again, It's a habit that she's had since we were kids. Most of the time Elle is one of the most upbeat positive people that I know, but occasionally, when she reeeeallly wants something, she will play it down so that she isn't disappointed when it doesn't happen. 

As the person often on the receiving end, I'm conflicted. On one hand, I dislike that she feels the need to do it, however... on the other hand, it is quite a big tell. In the same way that I knew Elle very much wanted me to call her when she told me that it was OK if I didn't get time, I now know that Elle is somewhat disappointed that I won't be in LA next weekend. 

Grabbing two cans of soda from the fridge, whilst giving her a playful eye-roll, I set her straight -  "I do have a life, yes, but I am hoping you're now the biggest part of it. So as I was saying..." I say as I bend down for a kiss.

"I'll be in New York with Chloe because it is her 30th Birthday. She's gone all out and hired some fancy ballroom in a hotel. Sooooo, if you don't have anything else to do... will you be my date?" 

"Will she mind me tagging along?"

"You won't be tagging along, you're my girlfriend and Chloe loves you anyway. So what do you think?" I ask, raising my eyebrow to hammer home the question.

"I actually wanted to ask you about that and chickened out in case you weren't ready for labels"

Placing the drinks at the table, I sit down on one of the chairs and beckon for her to follow. Reaching across and holding her hands in mine, I give them a quick squeeze.

"Elle... look at me... I'm ready" I assure her, "I'm really for it all. I want to be with you, I want to love you, I want to be your partner, and I would really like it if we could spend next week in New York together. I get it if you have other plans, but please don't let doubt about whether I want this be a reason that you don't come".

"So I'd fly out on Saturday and then back on Sunday? Where would we stay?"

"Saturday is good, or Friday would be better if there is a flight that works for you, and we'll stay at the hotel... if you're good with that" I tell her, really hoping that she is. "What do you think?"