i lost myself.

18: Part 2

--

Chapter 18

(A/N: Do not start the song yet wait until It shows lyrics! )

I picked up my phone and answered whoever was calling me. "H-Hello?" I said. "Is this Leslie? "Someone asked. " Y-yes.. Is this about my mom..?" "I'm afraid so.. We found your mother's luggage at the end of this river.. The officer said. My eyes widen at the news i've received. I didn't want to believe it, is my mother really gone? was this just  a big joke? did i really have no more family members alive anymore? My thoughts kept getting louder until the police officer spoke up. "I'm afraid your mother did not make it..I am sorry for your lose" the officer said before ending the call. I sat there in shook. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want too. She was basically the only family I had, other then my cousin and aunt. I didn't know what to do. My thoughts kept getting louder and louder. "Leslie?" My aunt spoke up. My thoughts up getting louder. I felt a hand on my shoulder that's when my thoughts got interrupted and i snapped back into reality. "Y-yes" i said turning my head to whoever touched my shoulder and trying not to cry. When i turned my head I saw my best friend, liv looking at me with sadness in her eyes. It's like she knew, she knew what something is wrong. "Who was that?" she asked. I moved my head down and finally put my hand down, my phone fell from my hand onto the ground. "T-the police.." I said. I felt warm liquid running down my cheek. "T-they said that they found her luggage at the end of the river near the accident..a-and they didn't find her.."  I heard my aunt starting to cry and my cousin as well. I didn't know what to feel or what to say. I felt so numb. I felt so stupid. If I made my mother stay a little longer I would of still had a mother. If i took some time and not be busy I could of had moments with my mom before this would of happened.

---

few hours has passed..

Few hours has passed, after I received that news I locked myself in my bedroom because I don't want to talk to people. I also don't want anyone to baby me. I am so tired of people doing that. Besides the point I didn't know what to feel anymore. My thoughts kept getting louder before. Was this really happening? I laid down in my bed thinking about things until these voices came. "She's gone, She's gone, She's gone" was all I heard. "Your all alone" was the last thing the voices said before getting louder. I curled into a ball and using my left and right hands to hold my head.

"S-stop.." I said softly. Warm liquids fell onto my cheek. They kept getting louder every second.  "S-S-Stop" I said a little louder.

"Haha, your alone..what a coward" my voices said. I held my head a little tighter and shook my head slowly. "N-no..I'm not alone..I'm not alone" I said while shaking my head.

---

Few moments had passed

I sighed and got up from my bed. I walked to my bathroom and turned the light on and walked a few inches away from the door. I stand right in front of the mirror and looked up looking at myself in the mirror. I looked completely dead inside. I reached for the faucet and turned water on, I made my hands into a cup and splashed cold water onto my face gently. After, I finished I turned the faucet off and dried my face off. I left the bathroom turning my light on. Once i exited my bathroom I went straight back to my bed. I slammed my body onto my comfy bed and curled up into a ball. All of the sudden I felt tears fall from my cheeks. My mind kept thinking about people I lost. I lost my dad, I lost eli, I lost my mom..who's next..?

I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling for 2 minutes. "H-hey Alexa" I said softly. "Play broken smiles by Lil Peep".  It was silent until the Alexa spoke. "Okay, Playing broken smiles by Lil Peep". The song started playing and I shut my eyes listening to every word to this song. (A/N: You can listen to the song now!)