i lost myself.

2

9:12am

I was the first one up. Let me tell you my head hurts so damn bad. I went down stairs and went into the kitchen and got some Tylenol and some water. I took it and made the three of us some breakfast.

I really owe liv a thank you for making me go to a party yesterday. I promised myself i'd never go to a party after that day. But yesterday..I needed it. I really did..

I made some pancakes,eggs and some bacon. While I was making eggs I heard someone coming down.

"Morning les"

"Morning liv"

"Seemed like you had a pretty good night yesterday, huh?"

I nodded and laughed alittle "lol yeah..I really did..thanks for that"

"No problem les, you always deserve a day off from that..trauma..I'm really sorry you got to go threw it..I couldn't even imagine anything like that..ever"

I sighed "honestly..I don't even know how I can go threw this...like..he died in my fucking arms...bro" I felt a tear falling down my cheek. "I miss him so much.." I said.

"We all do, just know I'm always here for you..and will forever will be..and that everything...will be al-"

I turned around and repeated the words everything will be alright..."you just say that..because you don't go through the shit I'm going through...y-you didn't have someone you loved WITH YOUR LIFE DIE i
iN YOUR FUCKING ARMS! DID YOU? N-NO U DIDN'T" I scoffed I felt tears falling down even more. "Im leaving..." I Grabbed my stuff and order an uber and waited.

The uber finally arrived, I opened the door and opened it. "Where too?"
"My house please 2389 elk rd" he nodded and drove away. I looked out the window.

--
Home

I finally arrived at my house, I paid for my uber and unlocked my door. I dropped my stuff by the door and walked into the kitchen. I needed to ease my pain...and I know exactly why to do...I grabbed two bottles of my moms vodka (she hidden it). I went upstairs into my room. I slammed the door, I went into my bathroom and sat on the floor. I drank one bottle of vodka.

⚠if you are sensitive to cutting, please stop reading ⚠

I grabbed a box full of blades, I took my sharpest one and held it to my wrist and slit three lines until I couldn't feel anything. I drunk another bottle of vodka and got up. I exited my bathroom and walked into my bedroom. I grabbed Eli's old hoodie and some black sweats. I went into my bathroom again and set the clothes down. I turned the water on warm and peeled my clothes off.

I got into the shower and let the hot water hit my skin. I felt tears falling from my cheek. Taking hot showers make me relax, yes it burns but I don't care. I sighed and began cleaning body and hair.

I got out of the shower and dried myself. I wrapped the towel around my hair and began to put my stuff on.

I went into my room and went on my laptop beside my bed and played numb my xxxtention.

"And every single year
I'm drowning in my tears, I'm drowning in my tears again
I can't seem to forget the pain I seem to give
The pain I seem to give, my friend
And every single year
I'm drowning in my tears, I'm drowning in my tears again
I can't seem to forget the pain I seem to give
The pain I seem to give, my friend

Woah, oh, woah, oh
Woah, oh, woah, oh
Woah, oh, woah, oh
Woah, oh, woah, oh
Woah, oh, woah, oh