A/N
When you read listen to Breathe Me by Sia. I listen to this song while writing this chapter. It fits it. So please listen to is. Plus it's a really good song! ;)
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After I found out about Nate in the hospital I broke. He was the last person I wanted to hurt.
It has been about a week maybe longer since I found out. I haven't really eaten, my mom would give me something to drink and it would be a smoothie so I at least had food. I didn't drink them anyway. I'd have a sip and pour the rest down the drain of my sink. I wanted my mom to think I drank them so she's not worried. In all honesty I haven't been hungry one bit, I haven been tired. I've only been sad.
I wouldn't even say I was sad. I was depressed. Honestly I was depressed and nothing could make me feel worse. Nothing.
Throughout this time I did nothing. I didn't go to school. I didn't eat, I didn't shower. I didn't talk to anyone.
One person has been trying to talk to me but I ignore them. It's for the best. I hated ignoring him but I had to. Things would be better for him and for me.
My phone buzzes and I look at it. Yet another text from Jack.
From Jack Gilinsky: Ella please pick up its been a week and a half.
I don't pick up. He has to understand that I'm not talking to him. Or anyone. Jared hasn't even talked to me. But I get it. He hates me. My younger brother hates me. It sucks. The good thing that came out of this was that my dad stopped yelling. He came home, talked with everyone, and they had dinner. They were a happy family. It proved that Jared was right. They didn't need me. I just made things worse.
I was sitting on my bed when I decided to go on Instagram to take my mind off of things.
That didn't help. There ere pictures of kids at school with the hashtag #nomoredillon and #ripthebitch things along those lines.
One stood out to me it was a video. Three girls.
"I finally can walk the halls and not be scared." A tall blonde says.
"I don't care what she's going through as long as she's gone I'm good." A brunette says.
"Honestly she doesn't even matter. I'm glad she's gone. It makes the school a better place for everyone." A shorter blonde says.
Another video. Posted 5 minutes ago. It was one of the football players.
"Ella? She probably had a seizure from too much cocaine. Or alcohol poisoning. She does that shit you know?" He says and the video ends. Drugs, alcohol? Okay.
"Everyone says that she's a huge slut. Sleeps around. Getting payed to do whatever. Apparently she got pregnant and shot herself so she didn't have to live knowing what she did." That was the one girl who I thought was my one true friend. But I guess not.
I get what I deserve. And I deserve everything coming towards me. It hurts to hear those things. But that's what people think of me when I'm gone for more than a week.
I didn't realize it but I had tears dripping onto my cheeks. I had to keep it together. I just had too. Then I a text. It was from Sammy.
It was a picture of a news article. It read "Nate 'Skate' Maloley Died In Hospital" I stare at the picture for what feels like forever. When I get fed up with the picture I throw my phone at my wall and grab my computer. This can't be real. It can't be.
I search "Nate Maloley death article." And the same picture pops up many times. No no no no no! This can't be real! My brother can't be dead!!
Tears were running down my face. How could this be possible? How could he have died?
I close my computer and put it under my bed. People were going to keep taking about it and I can't handle that. I just can't.
Being myself I turn off all my lights and close my curtains making my room dark. I lean up against the wall and just cry.
2 years of beatings, injuries, insults, everything came out of me. I was just sitting there crying my eyes out.
This is for all the times that I didn't cry, when I should have.
