Scared of us (meradd/ meddison)

I think i might love you

Meredith POV:
Oh god why would she say that? was that an answer for what I had told her that day in the bathroom??
*flash back*
After Addison left the room I run after her I wanted to understand what had happened with her and Derek in NY. I followed her in one of the on call rooms where I found her crying on her knees, when I opened the door she looked up at me " oh... that's just perfect! I am crying over the fact that I cheated on my husband in front of her mistress! That is so me..." she says with tears rolling down her eyes.
I felt the need to make her feel better, so I sit next to her and try to hug her, she seemed always so strong but in that moment she let me see how fragile she really is.

After a wile she said " ok, I am sorry for... this, it will not happen again" she try to stand up but I block her, she turns around to look at me "what?!" She says with frustration "I don't... I don't know why I did that, I am sorry, just... please stay... please...?" I reply I really don't know where I am going "Grey please, just tell me what do you want, ok? So i can go and we can pretend it never happened" she really seemed annoyed but also she looked like she needed someone right now "just... please stay. you can talk to me about anything you want, just please stay..." i said trying to convince her "Why should I talk to you anyway? You hate me, right?" She says.
Wow that hurts
"I don't hate you" I say "yeah sure" she replay "I am serious"
" how could you not hate me? I mean, I came here and I've destroyed your fairytale with Derek in a brutal way, why don't you hate me??" She says confused "I don't know, I... I think I might-" I was cut off by Addison's pager going off, but I think it was for the best, what was I gonna say anyway?? I think I might love you?? You, my ex-boyfriend's wife...? Was I really gonna say that?? Well let's not think about it now.

*a few weeks later*
Addison came back with Derek and they seemed... well they seemed like a married couple, witch they are actually...
Addison didn't talk to me except for work stuff, but I think that seeing her happy is enough, even though I would rather she being happy with me than with him... but he is her husband so...

Today at work I saw them talking about something about they're house... they're house... I couldn't, I just couldn't... I run into the bathroom and started crying on the floor, trying not to be too loud, but apparently someone heard me, because I hear a knock and than a voice "hey... is everything okay in there?" I could recognize that voice everywhere, it was Addison '0h shit' I thought "yes, yes, I'm fine thanks" I say trying to hold back my tears "Meredith? Is that you?" She says
I open the door and see her she was beautiful as always "are you okay?" She says looking at the tears rolling down my face "yes, it's nothing" I rasure her "it doesn't seems like nothing... just tell me, you were there for me when I needed someone so I'm here for you now" I honestly didn't know what to say
'I am crying cause I love you but you love Derek and your probably straight' ?
"Meredith?" She calls me out of my thoughts "yes?" She looked at me for saying'I am waiting to know why were you crying'
"Oh, yeah right! I really think you don't wanna know" I say trying to convince her "but I do wanna know, really, tell me" as she says that she put one hand on my shoulder and give me one of her smiles, as she do that I started getting nervous and I couldn't help but stare in those beautiful blue eyes, until she said "Meredith? Tell me"
"I... I just love someone who loves someone else and this is eating me alive " I say all in one breath " oh yeah... sorry about that, but I don't think Derek loves me... at least not the way he loves you"
'Oh shit she thinks I am talking about Derek... well why wouldn't she?"
"Yeah... no, I am not really talking about Derek..." I started and she looks at me with a confusion look on her face "well who is it than?"
'Oh no she asked me that... how can I answer that?'
"Owww you don't wanna go there..." I says with a scared tone
"You really are a mystery Meredith Grey" she says laughing
We looked at each other for a while before I open my mouth without thinking "I love you" I say
'Oh no what did I do? Why did I say that? Oh god she bewitched me with her perfect smile and hers annoying stupid amazingly gorgeous eyes and her long legs, oh god her LEGS, and all'
She looks at me with a scared but... happy(?) look
"I am sorry... I didn't mean to... I... I just... I am sorry... I am leaving now"
While I try to leave she caches my arm to make me stay, I look at her, she had tears in her eyes that she tried to hold back "yes...?" I say with hope "Meredith..." she says crying inside, with a 'I can't' smile on her face "do you... do you feel the same way?" I ask
"You know the answer" in that moment I felt like I was 7 again and someone took me to a party, I felt fireworks in my stomach.
I went to kiss her but...
"Meredith... I can't" she whispered "why not? It's just you and me" I say going on "I am married" she says disappointed and with that she exit the bathroom
*the day after that*
That day I didn't see Addison at work so I asked izzie if she knew anything "don't you know that?"
"What?"
"She left! She left Seattle, she left Derek, she left the job and nobody knows why"
She explained and after that I run into an on call room and try to call her but she didn't answer, in that moment I realized "she's really gone"

A/n.
Ok I am not so sure about this so if you liked this please let me know <333