Scared of us (meradd/ meddison)

Will you marry him?

*after a month*

Meredith POV:

It's been a month now... since me and Addison stopped talking. I really miss her... but I came back with Derek! I don't love him, but she hurt me and also I can't have her cause she is happy with her boyfriend so there's not much I can do anyways.

Addison POV:

It's been a month since Meredith stopped talking to me... she came back with Derek so I came back with mark... I really miss her tho...
Sometimes we stare at each other, like one time we were sitting at two tables at the opposite side of the cafeteria and I noticed her staring at me, so I stared back we stayed like this and the whole world disappeared. For one second there weren't any problems or issues, there was no pain, no suffering for one second everything was perfect... there were just me, Meredith and our love...

Meredith POV:

I woke up this morning and went to have breakfast with Derek in the kitchen. As I enter the kitchen I feel something's different... but  ignore it. "Meredith with you I spent the best month of my life..." Derek started

He is not doing what I think he is doing. ... right??

"I love you, Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you... trying to make you as happy as you'd make me if you'd do me the honor..."

Oh no! He is actually doing that! He don't get to ask me that! I don't want to marry him!!... wait, what if I'd merry him I could be happy with him... and Addie is happy without me anyway so... why not?

"... to marry me, so Meredith will you marry me?" He got on his knee and proposed and I said... "yes! Derek Shepard I will marry you!" I say trying to force a smile...

God I always thought that I would have said yes to Addison...

"I love you so much!" Derek said while he hugged me "... and I love that I am marring you!..."

What the hell? I love that I am marring you? Seriously!

He doesn't seams to notice tho...

*later that day*

Addison POV:

Today should be a beautiful day... Meredith is on my service, I have an amazing surgery and tonight I am going on a very romantic and expensive date with Mark! Just perfect!

I arrive at the hospital but there was something wrong all the residents were around Meredith and Derek... Derek was so happy, and Meredith was doing one of the smiles that she fakes when she feels obligated to...

What is happening? Could it be...? No! What am I thinking!

"Hey Addie!" Derek yelled from across the room as Meredith tries to convince him not to and than quickly look away when she sees that I heard him "hey Derek! Meredith..." I say walking towards them "Addison..." Meredith answers to me saying hi to her it was a basic thing but I didn't hear her voice in month so that! Was heaven "we have great news!" Derek shouted

The last time he was so excited was when he... wait! It was when he proposed to me I remember he had run trough all the hospital telling everyone that he had 'great news'...
Oh no!

"We are getting married!!" Derek told me as Meredith looks at me for a second to check how I was and than look away again "oww, well that is amazing! Let me see the ring! That is an amazing ring, congratulations!" I say hiding my pain and disappointment "thank you Addie! Now I have to go, but... see you later" Derek goes away kissing Meredith as I feel a tear filling my eyes but I push it back "Addison..." Meredith says after Derek left "it's ok... really I am happy for you and Derek" I say smiling while walking away "Addison..." Meredith keeps calling me but I pretend I don't hear her...

I run into Callie while I
was feeling kinda numb... "hey Addie are you ok?" Callie ask "yeah I-I-I just need to lye down" I say as I enter an on call room

As soon as I know that if I fall no one sees me and no one hear me, I let myself feeling... feeling brings me to fall on the on call room floor crying and sobbing like I never did she was marring someone else... and it was all my fault...

In that moment I realized that I didn't feel the need to breathe anymore...

without her I didn't feel the need to live...

I was lost