Scared of us (meradd/ meddison)

This could be the end of everything

Addison POV:
Oh my god! What do I do now?! I mean I called Callie thinking she would have solved one of my problems but she only added one more problem at the list!
"Addison! Are you still there??" Her voice call out from my phone "yeah yeah I'm here!" I say lost in my thoughts "well I was thinking that it's late! you should have been at Mer's like 15 minutes ago, so... you should decide wether or not to go" Callie says " yeah I know" I say "Ok fine lemme know " she say as she hangs up
Ok. that is... ok. It's actually easy I'll go to Mer's, tell her that I can not date her, stay in town to keep an eye on her, not have to ti tell Derek about us and see her at work! That is so... perfect
*at Mer's*
When I see her door right in front of me I panicked, what if I see her and I can't broke up with her and than it ends up like it did with Derek?! Oh god this is so infuriating "*opening door* hey! You... are... here...?" Meredith says "yes I am..." I answer that there was a complete silence for a minute " listen I-" I start as she start "I thought you-" "Doesn't matter you go first!" I say after that "ok, I thought you'd never come..." she says, she was right I was about an hour late "yeah... I thought that too... but I came... to tell you that I can't date you Meredith..." I say as I see her face expression challenge from disappointed and sad to happy and hopeful and sad again with her eyes full of tears "wha-... wh- I mean why wou- I don't- I don't get it!" She says " I know I am so-" I try to say covered by her yelling " I don't get it! Today you were so happy that I came back home and- and that we got to live our lives together and now this??! You telling me that you don't wanna date me...that- that I don't mean anything for you anymore?! I DON'T GET IT!" She says as she breaks down I go to hold her but she pulls away " YOU don't GET to do that, you know? You don't get to make me break just so you can pull me back together all of the times, because I AM A FREAKING PERSON TOO! I have FEELINGS too!" She says while sobbing.
I try to hold back the tears I know this is all my fault, I made her like this and I can't help but feel bad about it but I also can't let myself choose her over me, I just can't! " Meredith I am sorry but-" I start but she cuts me off " But WHAT?! You are too scared to let me love you!? You are too scared to let yourself be happy for one time!? And also what the hell are you scared of!?" She cries out and shut the door at me
This time i really hurt her...

A/n.
Ok I know this is kinda short and that I haven't been updating but I am really busy coming back to school so I am sorry.
Anyway thanks for reading <333