You were having breakfast while also being deep in thought, when suddenly you noticed Sam walk into the kitchen.
"Sam," you looked up "What are you doing up?"
"I just decided to finally get up, just relax Y/N I'm fine." He smiled.
"Me and Steve made your favorite soup yesterday, with mushrooms."
"Oh that's so nice of you guys," he beamed.
"I'll warm some up for you." You said getting off your chair and going to the fridge.
"Thank you Y/N," he sang.
You put the bowl down in front of him.
"By the way where's Steve?" Sam asked.
"He went to see um Tony." That was a lie, he went to see Bucky. You didn't want to tell Sam that you knew, he'd start talking about it and apologizing, and then he'd feel sorry for you and all that stuff. Besides you weren't allowed to see Bucky yet, but you pretended to not care anyways so no one would even think about asking you for now.
"How are you feeling?" You said.
"Better. A lot better." He nodded blowing on the hot soup.
"What happened Sam?"
He looked up "What do you mean?"
"How did you get hurt."
He looked back down "I uh fell down some stairs."
"And got stitches on your side?"
"Also we bumped into some security while entering a building, and they were pretty angry." He said. Or more like lied.
"So you weren't wearing your suit?" You made a point. His expression changed to worried "Well, we weren't really looking for a fight, and it all happened so suddenly and yeah." He quickly said eating a spoon of his soup. You dropped your gaze, fiddling with your hands. You didn't know what actually happened, no one told you, but you had a pretty good guess. Bucky. You saw the traces of a hand prints the first night he came back. You knew exactly where that was from, because you had the exact same thing. It was from Bucky's metal arm.
You let out a sigh, causing Sam to ask you if you were ok. You answered with a "Yeah."
"You seem a bit bothered, anything happen while I was away?"
"Well," you shrugged "I had a pretty big panic attack when I found out you were in the operation theatre."
Sam stopped chewing. He swallowed slowly.
"I-I'm sorry," he said.
"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault." You said.
"I feel like-"
"No Sam, you shouldn't feel anything. Well maybe something, but you shouldn't feel like you had to be there. I handled it... sort of."
You definitely did not handle it, but he didn't need to know that right now.
He nodded looking down. You sighed.
"I hope you get better Sam. I'll be in my room if you need anything." You said putting away your plate and left him in the kitchen.
You fell onto your bed face first. The soft mattress muffled your screams. You turned around onto your back taking in deep breathes.
You needed to see Bucky, but you weren't going to ask Steve you didn't want him to know, anything. You reached for your phone scrolling through your contacts.
"Tony," you whispered to yourself. You were going to press the call button but stopped yourself. Maybe Bucky didn't want to see you. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. You turned off your phone sliding it away.
You hugged your pillow, closing your eyes. So many things you wanted, but couldn't have.
Just then you heard a knock on the door. You quickly sat up. "Come in." You said.
The door opened. You expected Sam but instead you saw Steve. He had a calm expression on his face. "You alright in here?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm good. When did you get back?"
"Just a couple minutes ago, can I come in?"
"I just said come in Steve, yes come in." You said in an annoyed tone.
"Listen Y/N we need to talk." Steve said delicately. You motioned over to your bed.
He sat down. You crossed your legs preparing for his lecture.
"Bucky really wants to see you." He said, pretty straight forward. Your eyebrows knitted, you really wanted to see him too.
"Oh really?" You said in a surprised voice.
He hummed in response. "He told me Y/N, you don't have to pretend."
Your eyes widened. "I-I. Steve I can explain," you stammered.
"No, no. He told me you were scared to tell me. When he did, I was pretty shocked, honestly, but I wasn't mad. But he told me that two years ago." Steve paused. "You know when he was declared dead I felt really sorry for you."
"Yeah you did help me through it. You helped me a lot actually," you pursed your lips.
"I knew how you felt." He said.
Peggy.
"When I, uh, lost Peggy I knew that there was nothing I could do." He said. You saw how sad he was and you felt really sorry for him.
"When you lost Bucky, I knew what you were going to go through and I really didn't want you to."
"Well I'd say I handled it pretty well." You said.
"You did," he chuckled. "You really did." He nodded.
"I don't want to keep you two apart, it isn't right. I know that if someone were trying to keep me and Peggy apart I'd be pretty pissed."
"Language Steve," you whispered grinning.
He chuckled. "Sorry."
You let out a sigh of relief.
"But right now, Bucky doesn't have control over his own mind, with all the mind control. Tony's trying to figure out a way to get rid of it but it isn't working for now."
"Oh."
"Don't worry you can come see him anytime at Tony's place. He's been asking to see you ever since he got his mind back."
You grinned. "That's nice."
