Lucy you will never understand
I do but you don't see it
slow burn
A Harry lewis fanfic
Warning: //contains substance abuse ,drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety manipulation//
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- - 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢 Lucy's Diary:
24th September 2017 I felt empty. Almost numb. I haven't cried in days. I haven't ate in days. Talia keeps trying to cook for me. I just throw it when she's not looking. Simon tries. He makes me cups of tea . Whenever he comes over. He's sweet it's not his fault. I know he thinks it is. He thinks he should be looking out for me. It's my fault right? 26th September 2017 The girls are worried. They keep calling. I can't bare to tell them. How would they react? They'd just be sorry. It's not their fault. They will know. But I've not spoken to anyone. A few words to talia and simon. Nothing much. Harry's been here everyday. I appreciate him so much. He's protecting me. He's done so much. Slept in my bed. Cuddled me every night. Had my tears all over himself. I couldn't thank him enough. He's worried about me. 27th September 2017 I'm fine. I think. Just the memories. It keeps coming back. I can't bare looking at myself. I feel ugly. Ashamed. The bruises are still here. They're reminding me. Everytime I look down. I cover them. With oversized hoodies. And joggers. 28th September 2017 They've planned a night out. I was invited. But I never replied. Talia and simon didn't know to go. I told them to. They should be happy. I love them both. Harry declined straight away. Didn't want to leave me. I told him go. I wanted a bit of alone time. He's not seen his mates much. Only popping out for a sidemen shoot Freezy misses him. I want him to go. He shouldn't be cooped in here. Because of me. My fault. 29th September 2017 I convinced him to go. He's not going for long. Told me to ring him. If I need him. I ate. A bowl of krave. Better than nothing. 30th September 2017 Harry's gone out. I had abit of motivation. I checked my Instagram. People were asking where I'd gone. I decided to run myself a shower. I got in. The water running down my body. Running over the scars. Over the Bruises. I hoped they'd wash away. Of course they didn't. I felt abit better. I ate a sandwich. 31st September 2017 I liked my night alone. It was peaceful. I watched gavin and Stacey. Did a face mask. I feel a lot better. I decided to Message the girls. I felt bad they didn't know if I was good. They were understanding. They might come round tomorrow. For a spa night all of us. Self care face masks gossip. I missed them I convinced Harry to go back home. It took a while. He doesn't want to leave me. Even though it's for a few days. Bless him. I went on a walk with Harry. First time I'd left the flat. It was refreshing. It was calming. We spoke about slot. 31st September 2017 Harry went back to his flat today. Only for two days. The girls all came round. Gee Mia Freya Talia Sarah. Couldn't have been more thankful. They fetched chocolates. Face masks. We had a spa. And watched mean girls. Before all falling asleep. They said the guys missed me. And we're worried. They invited me for a meal next week. Everyone. But they said they understood if not. 1st October 2017 The girls left. I loved having them round. I miss everyone. I feel a lot better. Harry FaceTimed me. He said jj had big news. That's why they were having dinner. He really wants me to come. I'm thinking about it.
