Psycho Series #1: Chasing His Obsession

Chapter 8

"Hindi ba ako mabigat?" Maagap na tanong ko sa kanya

He never complain to me, but I want to be assure if it's okay with him.

"Mabigat ka syempre, hindi kana kaya bata." Natatawang ani neto

I frowned immediately. "Mabigat pala ako eh! Edi ibaba mo na ako!"

He teasingly hummed. "Gusto mo bang ibaba kita?"

Humalukipkip ako at tinuon lamang ang tingin sa unahan. "May pasok pa tayo bukas, baka ako pa maging dahilan nang pagsakit ng katawan mo."

May mga nakakasalubong kaming ilang tao, pero hindi 'yon naging hadlang sa pag piggy ride back niya sa akin. May ilan pa nga'ng naririnig kong kung ano-ano ang sinasabi sa amin, nagpapansin daw kami, hindi na lang daw prinibado ang pagiging madikit sa isa't isa.

Hindi talaga mawawala ang mga taong gano'n ang mindset, nasa paligid lang sila, may mga pahalata at may iba namang tahimik lang pero sila pa ang mas malala kung manghusga sa kapwa nila. Kung ano ang nakita nila, 'yon ang huhusgahan nila, gagawan ng kuwento.

Pero hindi ko naman sila masisisi, paminsan kasi ay ganto din ako. But I'm doing my best to be a better person, a person who doesn't judge and just understand the whole situation.

"Ayaw mo ba no'n, ikaw ang dahilan nang pagsakit ng katawan ko?"

Pagak akong natawa. "Ayoko. They will definitely stop praising and admiring how smart and beautiful I am if they learned that I hurted one of our schoolmate."

"You love the attention, aren't you?" Diretsang tanong niya

Bahagya akong nagulat sa tanong niya. I almost forgot how straightforward he is in everything he say.

"Masama bang gustuhin mapansin ng lahat?" Nakangusong balik tanong ko

He sudden stop walking, I immediately jump off to his back. Walang sabi itong umupo sa isang bench, medyo madilim na ang parte ng parkeng nadaanan namin, may dumadaan man pero bilang sa daliri.

Ako naman ay tumayo sa kanyang harapan. Nakasandal ito sa kinauupuan, nakatingala sa langit, tila ang lalim ng iniisip.

"Ang weird mo talaga. Hindi ka nalang nagsabi kung nabibigatan ka eh!"

He stayed his attention up there. "Look up, Savannah." Mahinahong utos nito.

My lips twisted. Umupo na ako sa tabi niya at ginaya ang pagkakasandal niya at tumingala sa langit.

"Oh, tapos?" Kunwaring bagot na tugon ko

I like being with him, but I won't let my guard down easily like before. Acting suplada is my thing, kaya hindi na mahirap sa akin ang magpanggap para lang hindi pagsamantalahan ang pagiging mabait at walang alam.

I've been fooled and I've learned something from that.

"What can you see up there?" He asked slowly

Kahit alam ko naman kung ano ang makikita doon, tinagalan ko pa din ang pagsuri sa langit.

"Stars and moon." I answered.

I can feel his movement at my side. "You've notice them even you're far away from them, right?"

Naguguluhan man, napatango pa din ako. Hindi ko maalis ang tingin sa langit, nakakalibang tumingin sa langit.

"They're good to see right?"

Tumango akong muli.

"But Sun makes your eyes irritated when you look up, you even shield your hands or sun glasses to prevent those effect of Sun with you."

I looked at him. "Then, Why we're talking about them?"

He looked at me too. "It's just like you." Natulos ako sa pagkakaupo, natulala sa gulat at kaguluhan. He smile. "Bakit ko nasabing katulad mo? Hmm, simple lang naman. First, stars is tiny as you can see up there, like you...kahit pa maliit at bata ka palang napapansin kana nang lahat, but they just recognize you like the stars, lumalabas lang sila pag-gabi habang ikaw mapapansin ka nila pag may achievement ka sa buhay mo."

His words make me dumbfounded and his laugh make me insulted. I wanted to say anything but my mouth is not participating with me.

He smirked. "And when it comes to Sun," he acted like he's thinking, and then snapped his fingers. "Sun is good thing on earth; it's good that you we're born on this world. Sun is such an indeed attention-seeker, Sun never failed to annoy people due to temperature Sun's gave. Habang ikaw naman, nagsimula kang hindi makuntento sa bilang na atensyon na nakukuha mo, gusto mo marami kahit pa mga galit sayo ay okay lang basta napapansin ka nila. You crave and tempted to be an attention-seeker, you became the worst-"

I grab his collar, gritting my teeth angrely. "Stop spitting nonsense!" I roared in front of his face

He became more stubborn. A devilish smile form to his lips. "Show me how sick you are, Savannah. Show me!"

Naglandas ang luha ko, hindi napigilan ang sarili na sampalin siya. "I'm not sick! Why you sudden..." nagsimula na akong humikbi. "We're just c-chitchatting earlier...w-we're both laughing and t-teasing each other...why you..doing this?!"

He gave me a confused look. "I want you to realize something you didn't do for a long time."

I punched his chest countless, but he didn't avoid his body and just letting me to punch him. "Realize what?! That...that I am attention-seeker? For fuck sake, my parents never pay attention on me unless I make them proud being on top at school! I never had a meal with them even so we're just living in the same house if ever that happened, they just gonna scold and abuse me with those hurtful words coming from their mouth!" My tears keep flowing like a river, I didn't gaze out at Lawson. "For the first time in my life, my father layed his hand on me, he hurted me! Takot na takot ako, kasi alam kong sa susunod na pilitin na naman nila ako sa pangarap na hindi ko gusto, na baka hindi lang sampal ang maabot ko mula sa kanila dahil simula't sapul hindi ko isusuko ang pangarap ko para lang sa pangarap nila para sakin."

I paused for a seconds to take a deep breath, as I dry my tears keep flowing.

Mariin akong napapikit kasabay ng pagkuyom nang kamao. "Bakit...bakit parang kasalanan ko pa? Kasalanan ko bang kulang ako sa pagmamahal? Sa pansin? Kung sa una palang pinaramdam nila sakin 'yon, hindi naman ako aabot sa ganto eh! Hinding hindi!" I breath once again and gave him a sharp gaze. "I just want their attention and love, gano'n ba kahirap ang gusto ko?" I questioned him

He held my cheek gently. "It's not easy to give that if that person is not capable on doing that at the first place." He gently dry my tears with his thumb. "They we're blinded of society, they wanted their daughter to be shine like a sun and beautiful like a star but little they didn't know, while building you to their selfishness, you we're broke like a pieces of glasses on the ground that never be get back in the old, without scars, the old self of yours."

I continue crying and let him talk.

"Always remember what I told you, never ever demand and expect 'cause not all things in this world is easy to get." Humikhikbing tumango ako dito. He smile then pinched my cheek. "You can be on top as long as you want, but dragging down those people who also want to be on top is the cheap thing you can do. Let them take your throne 'cause not all throne is deserving to have, let them be, like they let you be."

Sunod sunod na pagtango ang nagawa ko lamang. All his words...is full of meaning. I never listen to anyone, I only listen to myself but he make me realize and for the first time i'll listen, I'll wholeheartedly listen.

He sudden chuckle while scanning my face. "Ang ganda mo talaga pag umiiyak, kaya hindi kita pinipigilan umiyak eh."

Napairap ako sa sinabi nito. Ang seryoso ng pinaguusapan tapos babanat!

Umupo ito sa harapan ko at tinapik ang likuran niya. "Iuuwi na kita, sakay na po."

Pigil ngiting sumampa sa likod niya, hindi na ako nagpaalam dito no'ng sinandal ko ang ulo sa kanyang balikat, napagod ako sa pagiyak.

"S-Salamat, Lawson..." halos pabulong na usal ko, puno ng sinseryo.

Bago pa ako lamunin nang kaantukan, narinig ko ang huling sinabi niya.

"No...I'm sorry, Savannah.."