17th october, wednesday, 2018
dear diary,
a decision:
I don't blame anyone for who I am today. I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that whoever I have become is all because of me. If I don't have any friends, it's because I did not try hard enough. It's not that I am a bad person or that someone else is a bad person. I can't first choose to stay away from people and then blame them for not being interested in me.
If I am sad, that is also completely my fault because I am not trying hard enough to be happy. It's not because someone else ruined my mood. It's my fault — why did I let that person ruin my mood? Why did I let them affect me?
I was reading a psychology article online today about 'locus of control'.
People with an external locus of control have a low emotional quotient and are steered by outside elements. They are dependent on others for happiness and blame people for problems.
People with an internal locus of control can control things in their lives, and have a high emotional quotient. They accept their faults and internalize their problems, and are more likely to correct themselves.
For example, if a relationship fails —
Internal: maybe this person doesn't fit in with me.
External: people don't stay forever, love only brings heartbreak.
When explaining something —
Internal: I don't think I made myself clear.
External: You don't understand.
Internal locus, however, is not about blaming everything on oneself.
Reading this really hit me. I never realized that if I take the blame on myself, I'll be able to correct what is wrong, because I can change things about myself, but not about others. Yesterday, I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. This makes sense to me now.
Therefore, I am what I am because of my own self. I can't give anything or anyone the power to affect my character or experiences.
❄
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Old Yellow Pages ✓
Dla nastolatkówA girl with a diary of pages yellowed with age, in search of herself, sitting in the oddest of places: sometimes on a staircase, sometimes at the top of a slide, sometimes on the branch of a tree; writing about life, the way she sees it. 🏆 Winner b...
