Old Yellow Pages ✓

10. run away

6th november, tuesday, 2018

dear diary,

I want to run away to the middle of an empty field. Build a home. Start afresh. Be minimalistic.

We have been living in this house for the past 15 years. We have lots of shit piled up: our childhood toys, old books, some rusting utensils, grandma's crystal collection in a giant showcase. I don't even know where all this came from. Why haven't we given it away to someone needy yet? I bet if we had to shift to a new house, all the things that I actually need would only take up the space of only two bags. Then why have we kept the rest of the stuff?

Personally, I don't care for luxury. I hate it, rather. It's a waste of money. That money can be utilized for so many better things. Why did my dad buy a 2 lakh rupee watch? 

Dad said, "This watch shows my time, and a middle-class person's cheap watch shows his time. You will learn when you grow up that uxury improves the personality of a person." 

Really? I thought. Is your personality so weak that you need material items to support it? I think personality depends on character alone.

Why do we have 1 lakh rupee leather couches in our house? Why did he buy a 10,000 rupee dress for me from Dubai?

I was actually angered when he gave it to me. If he really wanted to buy a gift, he could have asked me what I wanted. I have sworn never to wear that dress, because then I'll have to be careful all the time to not ruin the dress and let something fall on it, and then I won't enjoy the party at all.

I don't understand why people love money so much. We really don't need that much of it.

Why do we have grandma's collection of crystal vases? The showcase that holds it has taken up one-fourth of the space of our living room, and it's literally useless! Ugh! It's just sitting there. We can't even use the vases for holding flowers, because they're precious and might break. The things I would do if I could take charge of all the things in this house! I would sell the expensive stuff to foolish, materialistic people and live in exemption.

When I have my own house, I will keep nothing but my books on a wooden shelf, neatly arranged.

A small room for my instruments, and a camera for recording my song covers.

Another room with a desk and all my notebooks on it, three of the four walls covered with windows. Windows to let the morning sunshine pour into the room. Sounds of birds chirping travelling to my ears. Windows to let the noon sun burn onto my skin. Windows to let the setting sun bathe the pages in an orange glow. I will write everyday.

I will have a small room for hanging all my paintings in. A cabinet for bottles, aprons, canvases and brushes.

A cupboard for storing all my old photographs in. Will also put: my Polaroid camera. My favorite green umbrella. My Sennheiser headphones. My iPod. My diary. My favorite lamp. Fairylights. Some flowers. These things have aged with me, and I want to keep them safe.

I will give away my toys to poor kids. I don't want them to collect dust and cockroaches and rot away in the cupboards.

I will buy better clothes and redo my wardrobe. I will give away the old ones that I bought when I lacked taste. They have aged with me, and I don't want to look at them and remember.

I want to erase everything and start again. Paint everything white as a blank canvas, and rewrite my story. I want to consciously define who I am. I want to break away from how society wants to see me. 

I won't have sofas in my new house. I will have beanbags, loved by people of my age because that is the only kind of company I wish to entertain. I don't want luxury.

I will still be rich. Richness isn't defined by how much money a person has. It's the richness of mind. I will read books. I will underline the sentences I like. I will exchange the books I didn't like for better ones.

I won't have a television. There is never anything interesting being broadcasted. I can watch movies on my phone. Movies tell stories. Movies are art. I don't want to listen to news anchors babbling about who was murdered at the mall.

I will have a bed. Nice and cozy, with three pillows and a blanket.

I will hang some indoor plants to allow my dying lungs to breathe. I will have a garden. I will plant trees. I will plant trees everywhere after learning how to, no matter how much that costs me. Delhi is too polluted to survive for long.

I will keep aside some of the money that I'll earn so that every month I can donate to some good cause.

Every day I will do something to make a person smile. I will be kind. And it will come to me easily, because I can imagine myself being much happier two years hence than I am now. I will meditate.

I will sing on the stage. I will earn by writing my heart out. I will publish a bestselling, emotional novel.

Here is all that I need to do:

➤ Learn something new every day
➤ Learn words
➤ Sing
➤ Learn to read music
➤ Grammar exercises
➤ Write that story that I have been planning for a while.

Learning these things will take me nearer to who I want to be. 

 ❄