26. surprise

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29th december, saturday, 2018

dear diary,

There's one thing that I really like about myself, and it's the fact that when I like someone, I truly care for them. I love planning surprises. Although I want them to do so for me too, I don't mind if they don't. What's important is the priceless joy on their face when they receive it, and the gratitude and warm feelings that follow. And I won't let the fact that they don't plan anything for me stop me from planning for them.

Grandpa helped our relatives get jobs when he worked for the government, putting his own job at risk, and now all of them are busy in their own lives. They don't call him up when he's unwell or ask about him, and this really hurts him.

And I wonder why.

Why does he expect anything from them at all? Does that mean he did things for them because he wanted something in return? If so, then that's just selfishness.

I'm glad I'm not like that. I like helping people. Someone said, if today you haven't helped someone who can't ever pay you back, you haven't truly lived. I agree. There is a joy in giving that we can't find in taking.

I know that love never goes to waste. What goes around comes around. I know I will get back love, maybe from them, maybe from someone else.

And if not any of these, I know that loving others makes me a better person.

I know people will talk about it. They'll want to be with me because I love who I love fiercely.

And that's my reward. That's what I get out of all this. 

All I want is to be seen as a good person.



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