That's how long I've been in bed since I've woken up this morning.
Normally relationships don't hit me this hard.
Sure, when Veronica and I broke up it sucked, but it's like I was expecting it so I got over it in a few days. With Niall, I don't even know if this is a breakup.
God I really don't want it to be
I just think it was so out of the blue and I had things I wanted to talk to him about before.
Honestly, if he would ask me again, I would say yes with no hesitation. I love him, so much and I need to fix this. I've been trying to avoid asking Dahlia for help.
Fuck it.
My phone is dead so I use the landline, luckily I know her number. It rings once and I go straight to voicemail, she must be busy.
It's fine, I can do this on my own. I don't know what exactly I'm doing but it's definitely something.
At this point I just need to get myself together and- the phone rings and I pick up.
"Hey"
It's Dahlia, thank god.
Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing.
"I really fucked up" is all I could say
"Oh no babe what happened"
"Well" my voice cracks, "the night we left the hospital, two days ago, Niall proposed. And me being the dumbass that I am, I just left him there with no answer. I've been at my moms house going through tubs of ice cream like there's no tomorrow and now I don't know what to do." I burst out
"Wow."
"Yeah"
"...Do you know why you said no?" She asks
"I think so, it's so stupid though"
"Tell me"
I hesitate, "I found out that if I want to have kids one day, it's not going to be easy for me"
"Estella, that's not stupid at all. I'm so sorry."
"He just seemed to be talking a lot about our future lately and it's almost like I feel guilty that I can't possibly give him that."
"Listen to me E, I've seen the way Niall looks at you. As difficult and painful this situation may be, it won't stop him from wanting to be with you, and it doesn't make you any less valuable. Even if you can't have kids they way you planned, there are other ways to have a family. Surrogacy, adoption, trust me when I say that he will stick by your side no matter what. Don't feel guilty. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met, and I love you. But you do need to fix this, and I'm here to help."
"Thank you" I sniffle, it's all I can really respond with at the moment, considering I'm crying from Dahlia's pep talk.
"Are you going to be okay for an hour or two?" She asks after a moment of silence.
"Yeah, yeah. I keep forgetting you have a baby now" I chuckle
"Yup, she's a handful. I'll try to head over to you afterwards"
"Alright, love you"
"Love you!"
The phone hangs up and finally get out of bed to take a shower and actually take care of myself.
-
3 hours later
"Sorry I'm late! Amelia was throwing a fit" Dahlia says, pulling her car up next to me.
"It's fine, how's Harry doing with the whole fatherhood thing" I ask
"Really well actually, it's obvious who's her favorite" she playfully rolls her eyes.
I hop in her car and we drive to this park further into he country side. It's mostly vineyards and horse/cow ranches, but it's absolutely gorgeous.
It was almost an hour drive to get to this beautiful flower field where a man waits near a hot air balloon.
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"Are you ready for this?" Dahlia asks
"Hell yeah."
-
(A/N)
I honestly didn't even realize I wrote a Taylor Swift lyric until like 10 minutes later.
