Hormones

Guilt

Instead of going home that evening, he went somewhere else. During his lunch break where he didn't eat lunch at all, he did some research on Sherry. Even paid some money to find out her history and where she lived. The internet is so easy.

He found out that Sherry had went to jail for usage of illegal drugs, got into a car accident, she lived in down town New York, and related family which the names Namjoon Kim and Mali Kim stood out quite a bit.

It would be a far walk so Namjoon decided to take the subway instead. The subways was crowded he didn't even get to hold onto anything, he just stood in the crowd in between a middle aged business woman and a young boy and his mother.

Why was he doing this? Namjoon actually didn't know himself. He just felt hopeful and that was what dragged him all the way to the door of the woman's apartment.

He starred at the door, holding his hands together and squeezing them out of anxiety. Namjoon knew this could only go two ways. Good or bad.

Namjoon finally brought himself to knock on the door a wait.

The door cracked, the chain keeping it from opening all the way. As soon as she saw him she shut the door. Namjoon scoffed and knocked again. This time the door fully opened and woman stood there with her hands on her hips. "What?!" She yelled at him.

"Get a paternity test." He said and the woman made a face. "No" she said. "If your so sure your not my mom you would get one and it would prove your point." He yelled back at her.

She rolled her eyes. "is that what it will take for you to leave me alone?" she asked and he nodded frantically.

"fine." She moaned before slamming the door shut in his face. Namjoon smiled in victory.

That Saturday, Namjoon and Sherry had gotten a blood test and now Namjoon was waiting for the results to show up in the mail.

After Namjoon came home from his shift at the library around 5:30, he took his key out to check the apartments mailbox in the lobby. He opened the box and took out some papers. He shuffled through them and saw the one he was looking for. He gasped and slammed the door not even locking it, before running up the stairs to the 6th floor where their apartment was. He walked in and sat down on the bed, dropping everything but the envelope on the floor.

He ripped the envelope open and straightened out the paper and reading it.

It was positive.

Sherry was, indeed, his mother.

Namjoon starred at it. He was shocked.

Meanwhile, Sherry covered her mouth reading the paper. Namjoon's face flashed in her mind. He was her son. She couldn't believe it. After 11 years he had found her, in the big city of New York.

Sherry let the paper fall to the floor and she covered her face with her hands. He remembered everything as well. She had been given a 5 year prison sentence, before being forced into a rehab center for another year.

Later that evening Namjoon again showed up at her door. "Do you wanna come in?"

Namjoon and Sherry sat across from each other in her living room, not talking. Sherry studied his face for a long time.

"Do you believe me now?" Namjoon asked. She nodded grimly. "Namjoon I'm so sorry." She said trying not to cry. "It's fine Sherry." He said. He almost called her mom, but that didn't feel right to him. She had flash backs from when she was getting torn away from her children, Namjoon reaching for her yelling "mommy! Mommy!" As he got grabbed by another woman.

In order to keep her emotions at bay, she took a pack of cigarettes out of her jeans pockets. She lit one.

Namjoon starred at the cigarette, suddenly wanting one too. "Can I have one?" He asked. Sherry made a confused face. "Really?" And he nodded.

She took one out of the box and gave him it along side with the pink lighter. "So Namjoon. Tell me everything. Catch up with me. What's happened the last 11 years? Where are you staying now?"

Namjoon took a deep breath. He decided to leave some parts out of the story. "Well I got adopted when I was 9 by two lesbians named Jen and Gina. Mali didn't get adopted by them though so I don't know where she is now. Umm I got a boyfriend. He ran away from home and Jen and Gina where housing him for a while. Right now I'm staying with my friend Lisa in an apartment. I started working as an office assistant and an assistant Librarian." He said pretty much wrapping up what had been going on in the past few years (leaving some details out).

"What about school? What school do you go too?" Sherry took an inhale of her cigarette. Namjoon lit his cigarette and held it in between two fingers. "I dropped out." He said and Sherry nodded. "Why?"

"Long story" Namjoon laughed.

Sherry had cooked some meatloaf and offered him some. Of corse he said yes because in his situation he really couldn't turn down free food. "Do you mind if I take some home to Lisa?" He asked and Sherry nodded. "Sure. Why? Are you low of income or something?"

"Yeah we're kinda in a situation right now with money. Rent is expensive and Lisa is going through a training program to get a job. Something in the area of cosmetics." He said. "We get paid today though but...." Sherry nodded and got out a plate and tin foil. She took the rest of the meat loaf and put it on the plate and then wrapped it in tin foil. "Is there anything else you need? Food? Toilet paper? Cigarettes?" She asked and Namjoon giggled. "It's fine. We don't need that much help." He said as he got handed the plate. "No no I insist. Here." She said walking off into another room. She came back with 2 rolls of toilet paper, 2 tubes of toothpaste, a few bottles of water, and a bar of soap.

"Here take these too. Save yourself some money." She said getting a grocery bag and putting the items in it. "Sherry thank you so much." He said as she shoved the bag into his hands. "It's no trouble really. If there's anything else you need just call." She said giving him a slip of paper with her number on it.

"Wait do you actually have another pack of cigarettes?" He asked and she laughed. She grabbed a pack she had sitting on the kitchen counter and give him that too. "How am I gonna carry all this?" He asked.

She though for a second. "I'll just come with you." She said grabbing the plate of food from him.

They both walked back to his apartment and walked in. Lisa was sitting down on the floor looking into the empty mini fridge. She looked back at them. "Oh hi." She said standing up to greet his mom.

"This is Sherry." He said pointing to the woman beside him. Lisa made an big 'O' face and nodded. "Ooooh! Ok what's all that?" She asked pointing to the bag.

"Well Namjoon told me about your guys situation and I thought I should help out." She said handing the plate to Lisa. "It's meatloaf." Lisa looked down at the plate and then back up to the woman. "Oh my good thank you so much!" She said going to look for a fork.

"What's in the bag?" Lisa asked when she found the plastic fork they had been using. Namjoon set it down on the bed and opened it. He took out the toilet paper, the toothpaste, the soap, and the water in front of Lisa. He took the 20 pack of Camel cigarettes out of his pocket and tossed it on the bed.

As he was doing this Sherry was looking around their apartment. "So you've got a pretty small apartment here huh?" Namjoon nodded. She looked at the cracks on the walls, and old brown carpet on the floor. "Place is kinda gross." Lisa giggled. "It was the only one in our budget.

"Well I don't wanna intrude so I better get going now." Sherry smiled. Namjoon nodded. "Ok bye Sherry." Lisa waved and she left.

"She seems nice." Lisa smiled and Namjoon's face dropped to a frown. "She feels guilty." He said grabbing the cigarettes and lighting one. "Don't be so judgmental Namjoon. Of corse she's guilty." Lisa scolded and took a bite of the meatloaf.