Hormones

Id like that

He sat at his desk, reading through what he had already wrote. He needed more. He wasn't happy at all with what he had wrote resulting in him rewriting the page multiple times. He just couldn't find the right wording to really express what he was saying.

After work this was all he did. Sit at a desk in his shared apartment in New York City and stare at his computer in thought.

He would write until late at night, sometimes until early morning, still being awake when his alarm goes off.

He ran his hands through his raven hair, exhaling in frustration at himself.

Namjoon had been working on a book, about his experiences in the mob, and how he ran away for a better life. Of corse he changed the names in the book and made slight changes to it to spice it up a bit.

You'd think having first hand experience in the mafia he would know exactly what to write and explain his emotions during that time, but that just made it even more hard. Being that all that happened 6 years ago, remembering small details was difficult. Luckily he had kept a journal of his thoughts, but didn't continue past just being in the mob.

"And although being difficult, he had left the love of his life, for a better life for the both of them." He spoke out loud while typing quickly, ignoring any spelling mistakes, as an editor would fix those later.

He stared at the sentence long and hard before aggressively pressing on the back button.

"God damnit!" He yelled and hit his fists on the desk in front of him. He rose his hands and lowered them slowly while breathing out trying to calm himself.

"It's ok Namjoon. Your fine. Your cool." He said to himself quietly with his eyes closed.

The tapping of raindrops on the window where distracting, and Lisa wasn't there for whatever reason she didn't inform Namjoon of.

Namjoon decided he needed a brake, so he put on his shoes and left the apartment, heading to a convenience store to maybe get some food. He strolled in and heard the bell on the door ring. Not to many people where in there. A boy and a girl shopping and an old man at the cash register.

He walked down one of the aisles, looking along the shelf for a pack of ramen. He spotted a pack of beef ramen for the price of 3.99.

He picked up the packet and looked at it, flipping it over to read the back. He shrugged his shoulders lazily and turned around. When he did he ran into the boy who was walking back. "Oh I'm sorry." He said quickly. The boy looked up from his feet and they both froze.

No movement. No breathing. Just starting wide eyed at each other. "What?" The girl beside the boy asked. The boy didn't say anything back just looked from his girlfriend to Namjoon. Back and forth.

The girlfriend sighed and grabbed his hand starting to drag him away. "Yuuri let's just go."

Namjoon didn't go home with ramen that day. Instead just dropped the packet on the floor and left. He went back to his apartment and sat at his desk once more. He tried multiple sentences, deleting them all. He rolled up his sweater sleeves, exposing his scars along his wrist.

He put his hands together and put them both under his chin holding his head up while he stared in concentration.

His mind was a blank white screen.

He took a cigarette and put it in his mouth. Breathing it in and exhaling through his nose.

He picked up his phone and went through his contacts. He had never deleted Yuuri's number in his phone. He wondered if he still had the same number or not. He decided to give it a try and to call him. The phone rang and rang and rang. Suddenly the ringing stopped and there was silence on the other side of the line. He took a deep breath. "Hey." He said softly and covered his eye with his hand.