Hormones

Breaking point

Yoongi felt guilty.

He knew the reason y/n broke up with Namjoon and now he felt bad he had been lying to her. The mob went on even after the leader got put in prison. The people that were still in civilization moved up in status in the mafia and it continued.

He didn't want to tell her though. Although he felt bad he didn't want her to be mad at him. He even thought about killing himself a few times just so he wouldn't have to deal with telling her.

But, Yoongi thought it would be for the best.

It was his first day back at school after the accident. He had hair starting to grow back, staples still visible. He wore a beanie just to avoid embarrassment.

He lingered down the hallway of the high school. People stared at him as he walked, people gossiping, thinking he couldn't hear what they where saying.

'Cripple', 'retard', 'sped'.

Yoongi wasn't crippled at all. He only wore a neck brace. He could walk fine, nothing changed mentally, he could talk, eat by himself, he was fine.

He gazed around looking for the love of his life.

He spotted her by her locker, reaching for a book. He darted toward her, startling her in the process. "Hey" she said after blinking a few times for her eyes to focus on his face. "Can I talk to you?" He asked. "Sure?" Y/n said questionably. Yoongi looked around seeing people looking at them. "Alone please" he squeaked and y/n furrowed her eyebrows.

They found an empty hallway and y/n leaned against the lockers, eyeing him. He stood in front of her shyly and looking at his red converse he wore.

"So what is it?" Y/n demanded. Yoongi exhaled and picked at the skin around his finger nails, still not looking at the gurl in front of him. "Yoongi." She sighed, "you can tell me."

"Please don't be mad."

She got anxious at his words. She just nodded wanting to hear what he had to say.

"I've been lying to you. About where I get my money and what I do. I don't work at Panara, I don't make 9 dollars an hour. And I didn't want to tell you because of the reason you broke up with Namjoon and I love you so much and I know you don't want to be involved in things like that and I'm so sorry." He spoke rapidly not breathing at all. She listened to him carefully. "What are you trying to say?" She asked knowing very well what he was talking about. She just wanted him to say it. Admit what he was hiding from her.

"A mob. A mafia. A gang. That's what I'm talking about!" He said his voice cracking trying to hold back the tears of wrong doing.

Y/n glared at him and shook her head. "I can't believe you." She muttered. "How can I trust that you'll tell me stuff now? How can I trust that you won't keep secrets from me?!" She cried out. She pushed he out of her way and bolted away without another word. Yoongi wiped his tears. He put his hand against a locker and put all his weight on it.

"시발!" He cursed being surprised he spoke in his native language.

Although he felt bad, he felt a psychological weight being lifted off his body and into the distance. He wasn't good enough for y/n and he knew it. She had a future, movie somewhere big and bursting with energy outside of Chicago, going to collage and following wherever her dreams took her. Whereas he was never gonna leave the shit hole he had dug himself into. The mob, was his home, his past and his future,

his life.

Of corse he could run away like Namjoon did but now that y/n was gone he had no one. No friends, or at least outside the mafia, but every one of them would be to much of a pussy to leave.

In fear they would find them. They could rob, they could hurt someone, they could murder, but they would not leave. The mafia was his family.

Leaving them would be like watching his mother die.

Meantime, y/n didn't go to class that day. She simple was too pissed off. She whispered unpleasant thoughts to herself and she took her things out of her locker. She grabbed her book bag and stuff her things in it. She saw Yoongi walk out of the hallway they had just been in and she glared. She noisily flung her locker closed resulting in Yoongi stopping to look at her with sorrow eyes. She walked past him and out the side door in the school.

She wasn't gonna cry.

She wasn't gonna let herself cry.

Instead of being sad she replaced melancholy with anger. Although she still felt an ache, deep in her heart that she just couldn't seem to ignore.

Tears formed in her eyes unnoticed by her. She blinked a few times and they went away.

She strolled home, not really in a hurry. She had flashbacks from when she went out with Yoongi. Their first meeting, at Yuuri's house 2 almost 3 years ago. Freshmen year. She remembered how innocent she was, how moral.

She smoked pot for the first time with him. In the park not far from her old house. Sitting in the grass taking puffs from his cart. How carefree it was. It was indeed.

How he told her he loved her, and how they'd walk home from school together holding hands,

and Eseo.

He cheated on her with eseo. She stopped walking, her body freezing remembering what had happened. She hadn't even thought about that day since they started dating again until now. How stupid she must have been.

How stupid to fall for his adorable smile, and his charmful personality.

When she got back to the house she was living in, the first thing she did was go to her room. She laid down in bed starting up at the ceiling in thought.

"Y/n dinners ready!"

Y/n didn't reply. "Y/n!" Her mother yelled again and y/n sat up abruptly. "I'm not fucking hungry!" She screamed and threw her face into a pillow. Now she was crying. She was at her breaking point.

Stomping footsteps where heard coming up the hall. A bang hit her bedroom and and her mother's red face was seen. "What did you say?!"

Y/n sobbed loudly which made her mother's anger drop. "Mom!" Y/n cried out and her mother sat down next her on the bed and pat her back. Y/n sat up and hugged her mom, crying on her leaving tear stains on her mother's red blouse.

Her mother shushed her and hugged her back.

"What's the matter?" Her mother asked softly. Y/n shook her head not wanting to talk about it. She didn't even want to think about it. She wanted to forget him. His entire existence.