This Is Me Trying

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Betty
One month later

I stared up at the ceiling of the house I was in. I don't even remember where I was. Was I at Amanda's house? Where is she? She was supposed to come back. I feel numb. I think I took too much. I need to go home. I want my Moms. I need them.

"Amanda?" I called out weakly.
"Nobody's here Biddy. They all left."

I turned my head and saw my Dad sitting on the bed in the room, staring at me with sad eyes.
"Dad?"
"What happened Betty? You were a good kid."
"I'm still a good kid. I need help Daddy." I felt tears rolling down my face.
"Help is coming Biddy. They're on their way." He nodded solemnly.
"I've been a terrible daughter. I-I..."
"I know what you've done Biddy. You have to promise me that I won't see you again until you're old and grey, okay?"
"I promise Dad. I'll get help. I promise."

I felt air fill my lungs and I shot up.
"She's back! Hey, can you hear me Betty?" A man asked as he shone a light in my eyes.
"What-What happened?"
"What did you take Betty? How much did you take?" His partner asked.
"I-I don't-"
"We're not the police. Just tell us what you took, and how much so we can help you."
"Hydromorphone." I muttered.
"Alright. We're gonna put you on the gurney, okay? We're gonna take a ride to the hospital."

They lifted me and gently placed me on the gurney, and strapped me down so I wouldn't fall off.
"Betty? Is that her?" I heard someone ask.
"Betty! It's Mamma! We're here bambina!"
"Mamma?" I turned my head and saw Danielle and Stefania standing next to the ambulance in tears.

The next thing I remember, is waking up in a hospital bed.
"Shit". I groaned as I took the oxygen mask off.
"Bambina?" Stefania lifted her head off of the bed.
"Mamma." I reached over and grabbed her hand tightly.
"I'm so glad you're alright bambina, we've been worried sick not knowing where you've been."
"Mamma, I just saw you at work. You knew where I've been."

"That was twelve days ago." Danielle said from the doorway.
"What?"
She walked in, and handed Stefania a cup of coffee.
"You we're missing for twelve days, Betty. We didn't know where you were. We didn't know if you were alive or-" Danielle closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Oh my God." I sat back in the bed and closed my eyes.
"You need help Betty. You have to get help."

"I know. As soon as I go home I'm going to therapy and-"
"No. You're going to rehab Betty." Danielle said sitting on the bed.
"What? You're joking."
"I'm not joking Betty. You're going to rehab. I'm sorry, but you're not coming home until you finish your stay in the facility." Danielle refused to look me in the eyes.

"Mamma, you won't send me away, will you?" I looked at Stefania with tears in my eyes.
"We'll come visit you as much as they'll let us bambina. But it's what's best for you. You have to get sober." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
I nodded and blinked away my tears.

"We love you Betty. We love you so much that it hurts. But, we will not love you to death." Danielle finally looked me in the eyes, and I saw what the stress of me missing has done. She's lost weight, and the light that was once in her eyes was gone. She was a shell of the person she was before.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did this. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry." I cried into my hands.
"Hey, we'll get you help okay? We've got you baby girl." Danielle climbed in the bed with me, and pulled me close to her chest.

"Hey, is this a bad time?"
I looked up and saw Jaina and Barrett standing in the doorway.
"Moms, can you give me a minuet alone with my Tìa and Auntie?"
Danielle and Stefania nodded and walked out of the room.

"How are you feeling?" Barrett asked as she sat on the bed.
"I'm so sorry Jaina. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm so, so, so sorry. I know it'll take a while for you to forgive me, but I had to let you know that I'm sorry." I quickly rambled out.

Jaina looked up at the ceiling, and when she met my eyes, I realized what my disappearance had done to her as well.
"Oh mija. I love you, so so much. Barrett and I were so worried." Jaina walked over and pulled me into a crushing hug.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I cried into her shoulder.
"Shhh, mija."
"I'm so fucked up. I'm fucked. I'm just like my biological mother."
"Don't you ever say that again. I don't to ever hear that coming out of your mouth again, do you understand?" Barrett said angrily.

Jaina and I looked at her shocked. We'd never heard her raise her voice, or even sound angry.
"You, are an amazing person Betty. You just have some problems. We all do. But, unlike your biological mother, you're going to get help for those issues. You're so strong, do you hear me?" Barrett gently took my face in her hands and made me look at her.
I nodded and wiped tears off of my face.

"Hey guys, I think it's about time for you to head out." Danielle said from her position in the doorway.

Jaina, Barrett and I said our goodbyes, and they left Danielle and I alone.
"Mom?" I whispered.
"Yes baby?" She came and sat down on my bed.
"I'm scared." My lip trembled and more tears fell down my face.
"I know kiddo. I am too. But it's gonna be okay. I promise." She leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

"When am I going?" I sniffled.
"Your Mamma went to grab you some clothes and stuff from home, and then we're driving you there." She pushed a strand of hair away from my face.
I nodded and leaned into her hand.

"I'm really sorry Mom. I know I'm sorry doesn't make it okay. But I need you to know that I'm really, really sorry for what I've put you and Mamma through."
"You're gonna get better, okay? You've got this. You're strong. You're gonna be fine." She sat next to me and pulled me into her arms, gently stroking my hair.