This Is Me Trying

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Betty

I woke up in Kaya's arms. She had a tight grip on me, like I was a life line and she'd fall if she let go.
"Kaya. Wake up." I whispered as I peppered her face in gentle kisses.
"Five more minuets." She whined as she snuggled closer to me.
"Babe I gotta feed Rory her morning bottle."
"I already did an hour ago." She yawned.

"Wait, really?" I sat up on my elbows.
"Yeah I got up with her during the night so you could sleep. You deserve a good sleep."

I rolled and straddled her body, rubbing my hands up and down her stomach.
"You're the best. You know that?" I whispered in her ear.
"I try. Come here." She tangled her hands in my hair and pulled me down for a kiss.
"You should take your shirt off." She muttered against my lips.
"If you insist." I laughed as I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head.

"You're absolutely gorgeous. And I'm not just saying that because you're on top of me half naked. You're really, really beautiful." Kaya smiled slightly as she stared into my eyes.
"Stop." I blushed and leaned down, hiding my face in her neck.
"I mean it. And you're not just beautiful on the outside, but your soul is beautiful too." She whispered in my ear as she nibbled gently on it.

The doorbell rang and I groaned as I sat up.
"Is anyone supposed to come over?" She asked.
"I don't think so. I'll be right back." I grabbed my shirt and slid it over my head as I walked out of the bedroom.

The knocks on the door got louder and more urgent.
"I'm coming! Hold on!" I shouted as I opened the door.
"Barrett? What's wrong?" I was greeted by a puffy faced Barrett who had obviously been crying.
"Is Kaya here? I've been calling her for the past hour. She's not at her house."
"Uh yeah she's in my room. What's wrong?" I asked as she walked in.

"Barrett? What are you doing here?" Kaya asked as she walked into the living room.
"Kaya, we need to talk." Barrett sniffed.
"Okay, then talk." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'll go make coffee." I said as I went to walk out of the living room.
"No, Betty. Stay, please." Kaya shot me a look.
"Okay. Okay." I walked over to her and took her hand in mine.

"Kaya, it's your Mom."
"What did she do now? Did she get arrested again?" Kaya sighed.
"Kaya... your Mom passed this morning."
"What?"
"She-"

"Did she OD again?" Kaya scoffed.
"Kaya..." I squeezed her hand gently.

"What do you want me to do B? Cry? Scream? Mourn a woman who wasn't there for me?"
"Kaya, honey. I know she wasn't the best Mom out there. But you have to feel something."
"You know what I feel? Relief. I'm glad the bitch is gone. You don't know what she did to me! You don't know what happened!" Kaya shouted at Barrett.

Rory started crying and I went to go grab her.
"I've got her. I need to get her." Kaya let go of my hand and walked out of the room.
"Betty, can you talk to her? She's gotta feel something, or it'll kill her."
"Auntie, I can't force her to feel. I understand how she feels. You have great parents. Kaya and I don't have that luxury. We had shitty Moms." I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh.
"Can you at least try to talk to her? Please?"

"I'll try. I can't promise that she'll give the response you like."
"I get it. Will you let her know that the funeral is on Thursday?"
"I'll call you later Barrett," I gave her a tight hug. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thanks Betty."

Barrett wiped her eyes, and walked out of the house.

I sighed and walked into Rory's room, where Kaya was sitting on the floor reading her a book.
"She just went back to sleep." Kaya whispered as she shut the book.
"Thanks for getting her." I whispered back as Kaya walked out of the nursery and shut the door.

"Kaya, can we talk?" I took her hand and pressed a kiss to it.
"If it's about her, then no. I'll talk about anything else but that."
"Come here." I led her outside, and shut the door gently behind us.
"I was angry when my Mom died. But I was also relieved. Relieved that Rory wouldn't have to go through the same things she put me through. But it still hurt. She was the worst Mom in the world. But she's the reason I am the way I am."

"You wanna know why I hate that woman? You really want to know what she did to me? She put me through hell, Betty. She," Kaya took a deep breath and stared up at the sky.
"She would sell me to her dealers for fucking drugs. She would let them do whatever they wanted to me while she was in the next room shooting up. She would beat me, and nobody would help. She acted like the worlds greatest Mom in front of everyone else, but when we got home, she would turn into a fucking monster. It took me years of therapy to get through the things she put me through. And now I'm supposed to be sad because she died? Fuck that."

Kaya turned and walked back into the house.
"Kaya, please. I'm sorry those things happened to you. Just let me help-"
"You wanna help? Quit trying to talk to me about that woman. Quit trying to understand Betty." She grabbed her phone and jacket and walked to the front door.

"Babe, please don't go. You shouldn't be alone right now." I grabbed her hand but she pulled it away.
"I need to be alone." She turned and opened the door. "And for the record, I'm coming back. Because I like you. And I don't want to say anything I regret. I just need to be alone." She turned and gave me a quick kiss, then shut the door behind her.

Danielle

"Betty? We're home." I called out as Stefania and I walked into the house.
"In the living room." We heard her call out.

I walked into the living room, and saw Betty laying on the couch with Rory snuggled up on her chest.
"How was she last night?" I asked as I pressed kisses on my two girl's heads.
"She was good." Betty shrugged.
"What's wrong? Where's Kaya?"

"Her Mom died." I sniffed.
"Oh poor baby. How is she taking it?" Stefania sat on the floor next to Betty's head.
"Her Mom was worse than mine. She's hurting, but right now it's coming out in anger. She needed a little time alone."
"Is there anything we can do?" I asked.
"I don't know. She said she'd be back in a little bit. It's been about two hours since she left and-"

We heard a knock on the door, I stood up and went to open it.
"Kaya, hey honey." I gave her a smile.
"Can I come in?" She twiddled with her fingers.
"Of course. Come in." I stepped aside and she walked in.

"Can I talk to you and Mrs. S, please?" She asked me.
"Uh yeah. Come on. Let's go outside." We walked through the living room, and she stopped and placed a kiss on top of Betty's head.
"I'm sorry I was mean. I just needed some time alone." I heard her whisper.
"It's okay. I understand." Betty smiled and squeezed her hand.
"I'm gonna go talk to your Moms. I'll be right back."

Stefania and Kaya followed me outside, and we shut the door behind us.
"I guess Betty told you two?" She asked.
"She told us your Mom passed, yes." Stefania put her hand on Kaya's back.
"I was mean to Betty before I left. I was angry. I am angry. I just..." Kaya took a deep breath and looked up at the sky.

"Losing a parent hurts. No matter if they were the worst parent, or the best parent ever. I still miss my Mamma. She was the best Mamma in the world. Betty misses her Mom and Dad a lot. But she let her friends and family help her through the pain of it. You know if you need us, we're here. Our daughter really cares about you. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. And that's because of you." Stefania pulled Kaya into a hug as she broke down in tears.

"I don't know what it's like losing a parent. But, I know what it's like for someone close to me to lose a parent. We're here for you Kaya. You're part of our family now." I told her.
"Thank you guys. I really appreciate you two." Kaya wiped her tears away and pulled away from the hug.

"I wanna ask Betty to be my girlfriend. I know we've only gone on two dates, but I really care about her. I miss her when we're not together. Can I have your blessings to ask her?"
"Really? You're asking our permission to ask our daughter to be your girlfriend?" I smiled.
"I'm a little old fashioned. If you say yes, I wanna make it special."
"You have our blessings Kaya. What do you have in mind?"