For a Friend +sope+

1. Summoned

Trigger warning suicide attempt/dark self deprecating thoughts

Hoseok had always had problems. His whole life was one big disappointment. He was merely twenty four years old. He should be living it up, getting drunk with friends and making memories during the best years of his life. Instead, Hoseok was staring at the rope he'd bought a month ago, contemplating if he really was too chicken to do it.

One would wonder why he doesn't go to someone about this. Let's weigh the options ; A.) he could see a professional, which will help him manage his issues but won't provide him with any company. B.) He could tell his family about it and have them Pat him on the back and tell him to stop feeling that way, because as well intended as they are, they're clueless as to how to help. C.) Go to any of his friends, if he can even call them that as they're friends from school who he keeps in touch with through social media comments and small, comfortable chit chat, whom wouldn't know what to do as wanting to kill yourself isnt something you go to an acquaintance with unless you're utterly desperate and Hoseok definitely was. However, admitting he was that desperate would make him want to kill himself even more. Or the last option D.) Kill himself.

People would miss him. That would prevent many rational thinkers from entertaining the thought at all. But Hoseok is thinking rationally, and he knows no matter how many people would miss him, they simply wouldn't miss him enough.

You see, Hoseok's always been a smiley guy, glad to make others feel warm and welcome. Being painfully shy was a major drawback in those efforts but he made due with what he could and developed many allies along the way. The problem was, he was so timid, he kept things light. Secrets never seeped past his lips. Everything would bubble in his head. He made people smile but never was the center of attention. He was fine that way, he liked being the reason people smiled. He thought that one day, he'd find the right person to fulfill his missing parts and be his perfect match, romantically or platonically. Telling his problems to others and asking for help while he tried everything in his power to be perfect was the last thing he'd ever do.

It spiraled out of control. Until Hoseok was left alone, crying every night, wondering why there was no joy in his life. He had a spark in him but it disappeared around Middle school and hasn't been back since. It might've died for all he knows.

He had no one who really knew him. No one who could help. Nothing that did help. Nothing worth staying for. Sure he loved his family but they can only do so much, especially when he doesn't see them as often as he used to.

He stared at the rope and pushed it off the coffee table, ignoring as it poured onto the floor. Sleep would help. If he could get to it at all.

He couldn't. Hoseok couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, thoughts swirling in his head. The same ones as always and a couple new ones thrown in. That he wasn't good enough, that he didn't deserve a life, that he would always be alone and he deserved to stay that way.

Tired of tear stained cheeks, Hoseok huffed and rolled over to stare up at the ceiling. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Hoseok's been desperate since he was born. He closed his eyes and swallowed, feeling dumb already despite not making a single move.

"Dear Satan, or, whoever's out there. I'd ask God but I don't think i deserve to be up there. Um, l-let's make a deal. You get to take my soul, or whatever it is you want, to damn me eternally or whatever. In exchange, I get," Hoseok hesitated, he hadn't thought this one through all the way. "I dunno, a friend, I guess." He scoffed and ran his hands down his face. "This is so stupid. My soul in exchange for a friend. I'm pathetic. I should've just gotten a dog or something before it was too late." Hoseok rolled onto his side and hugged himself, muttering out an end to his request. "That was dumb," he chuckled tiredly, "Whatever. Thanks, satan. Goodnight." Hoseok groaned, upset with how embarrassed he felt at his actions. He felt lucky no one was around to witness it. Who bids the devil a Goodnight?