it ends with august

s e v e n t e e n

scared.

It's not many words to describe what I'm feeling. My heart is heavy and my mind feels empty, at the same time I don't want to feel anything. 

I stare out the window, watching August walk out of the building, his crisp white suit now soaked with blood. Hayes and kai walked behind him they looked disturbed while August looks pleased, I sat in the car while he did his job.

I wanted to stay and watched the bodies drop to the floor but I couldn't breathe. I lay my head on the window letting out a sigh as they get into the car.

"Is he dead?" I asked, looking over at August just to find him already looking at me.

"He got away before I can get to him,"  August says, his voice was calm as if he didn't just kill over three dozen people besides my father.

I rested my head on the seat, my eyes flutter shut as I mumble, "I just want this all to stop."

I'm not sad, or angry, I'm just tired, my mom is dead and I don't even feel sad about it, In a weird way, I'm happy she's dead, she's isn't in pain anymore.

"it's almost over," I felt August fringers graze mine, as soon as the touch came I was ready for it to disappear, but it didn't.

I felt the need to cry but I couldn't, I wanted to I felt like I should mourn for my mother, but I can't.

"it was a very sad evening wasn't it?"  I shake my head, I look out the window as we drive past the city in a blur.

"it was,"  August replies curtly, with a deep sigh I pulled my hand to my lap.

"Will you be okay?"  I looked over to August his voice was soothing, "yeah, I'm surrounded by death, this is just another day," I couldn't meet his eyes, I wasn't in the mood to be scolded for lying to him.

But I've been lying to him for a while now...

𖣔

"I'm bored," I say walking into August's office, a book stuffed under my arm, he looked up from the papers on his desk, my eyes moved away from him and to the four men sitting in front of his desk.

"Do something then," he mutters, with a sigh I moved towards the empty couch, which I secretive find myself falling asleep on when I sneak in here when he isn't home.

home...

when did I start to think of this place as home?

"Do something that doesn't involve you being in here," I looked over at him, his words were harsh but his demeanor gave off playfulness maybe?

"I think I will stay right here,"  I laid back on the sofa, crossing my legs and placing my hands behind my head.

Ever since that night, the death of my mother as much as I say I can't stand August I crave his company, I know he's noticed but he hasn't said anything It's like he doesn't mind.

he carried out his business, the men left out his office, I heard him let out a heavy sigh making me look up from my book, "what's wrong?" 

the question itself caught me off guard, "shouldn't I be asking you that?"  he remarks, the words on my book seem to disappear as we started talking.

"you're the one over here sighing so loud," I point out, in the corner of my eye I see him standing from his chair pouring a glasses of scotch.

I sat up crossing my legs on the sofa, he walked towards me handing me the glass. "you know, scotch isn't my specialty," I pointed out, amusement dancing in my tone.

"give it a try," I looked up at him, as he took a sip, licking his lips after.  I took the glass out of his hands, my fingertips brush his send a rush down my spine.

Bring the glass to my lips I placed my lips on the same spot he was, I took a sip, wine is my specialty expensive wine at that, it's better than cheap beer and the scotch burns my throat, it was has a sharp, distinct flavor that's more of an acquired taste than bourbon.

The after flavor tasted...good.

I took another sip and handed the glass back to him, "it was good but I think I will stick to wine," I placed my hands on my lap.

"How are you doing?"  August asks, he leans back on his desk crossing his legs.

how am I'm? I'm desperately trying to avoid the question, I'm not used to feeling like this. I watched my mother be murdered and I feel...fine.

"I'm okay,"  I stand from my seat, I can feel him watching my every move, I've been feeling him watch me for a while now like I'm just gonna snap.

"you know you an talk to me," picking up my book I look over my shoulder meeting his eyes.

"I know, I'm just not ready yet," I admit, he holds eye contact but simply just nod.

I kinda wanted him to push me, it feels weird when we aren't at each other neck every moment, but it feels good.

I just can't help to feel like, something is wrong.

okay, I know I've been gone for a while but please bear with me.