Mi Amor - Oscar 'Spooky' Diaz/On my block Story

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I sat in the car, heading to our new home, the seatbelt digging into my pregnant belly. The thought hit me again—what if something happened to me? What if I got into an accident? Would she survive it? Would my baby girl get hurt by the seatbelt, by the impact? I slowed the car down without thinking, my hands gripping the wheel tighter. These thoughts hadn't crossed my mind before I was pregnant. Now, I couldn't escape them. The weight of responsibility was suffocating. I was about to be responsible for a tiny human, someone who would rely on me, someone I had to protect with everything I had. I couldn't help but panic. So much could go wrong, and I felt woefully unprepared.

But then, I remembered Oscar. He was going to be the best father. He had always been there, always supportive. I knew I wasn't doing this alone. That thought was the only thing that gave me any peace as I drove. Soon, all three of us would be together in our new place, and we'd build the life we'd always dreamed of. I imagined our daughter running into Oscar's arms when he came home from work at his restaurant, calling out "Papá" with that sweet, carefree joy. He would lift her up, his strong arms carrying her back to me.

But that was before.

Now, the reality was too much to bear. Oscar was never going to pick her up. He would never feel her soft skin against his, never tickle her little feet. He wouldn't be there to watch her take her first steps, to catch her when she fell. He wouldn't be the one to hear her say "Papá" for the first time, or to hold her through all the firsts that should have been his. The milestones I had imagined, birthdays, Christmases, first days of school—none of it would happen. She would never know the father I had loved so much.

Tears came fast, spilling over my cheeks, soaking the pillow beneath my head. My chest felt tight, like it was closing in. I couldn't breathe. The loss was too much. The lump in my throat kept growing, but I couldn't speak, couldn't make any noise that would match the agony inside me.

And then the thoughts of my baby girl. She would never know him. She would never know her father's love. I couldn't even imagine the pain she would feel, or the absence she would carry her whole life. It was unreal. This wasn't my life. I wasn't supposed to be alone. I always had Oscar, and now, he was just... gone. It didn't make sense. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

His last call, the one where he told me Cesar had agreed to come with us—it was the happiest I had heard him in days. He had everything. We had everything. And then, just a few minutes later, I was getting the call that he was dead. Gone. Just like that. How could that be? How could life be so cruel, so unfair?

Everyone kept telling me it would get easier. Time heals all wounds, they said. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that, I'd have enough to buy my peace back, if that were even possible.

But it wasn't. Time wasn't going to heal anything.

The door creaked open, snapping me out of my spiral. I blinked through the tears, trying to focus on the figure in the doorway.

Cesar's voice was soft, but filled with concern. "You cried again?"

"What else am I supposed to do?" I snapped before I could stop myself. My voice sounded sharp and angry, the words slipping out before I could control them. "You guys are out there, dealing with all of this your way, and I'm stuck here—alone—with nothing but my damn thoughts. And believe me, they're not good company right now."

Cesar didn't say anything at first. He just sat next to me, his expression filled with a mix of pity and sadness, like he didn't know what to do to make this better. He gently brushed a stray lock of hair from my face and placed his hand on my stomach. For a second, he just stared at my belly, as if trying to hold onto something of Oscar.

"You need to stay in the hospital until the doctors say it's okay," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "We can't have you collapsing again like last time. Promise me you'll stay. It's for her."

He nodded toward my belly again. "She's the only part of him that's still with us. And I... I can't lose her too."

The words hung in the air, heavy and raw. It was the first time I had heard him say it like that. His brother was gone, and now he was the one left to carry on for him. But it was too much for him, too.

"I could never forgive myself if something happened to you both. I already failed him once. I won't fail again." His voice cracked at the end, betraying the strength he was trying to put up.

"You didn't fail him," I said, my voice breaking. "It wasn't your fault."

"I'll find who did this," he said with quiet fury, a promise in his words. "I'll make them pay. I swear it."

I didn't have the strength to argue. I just closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain for a second.

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The two weeks in the hospital felt like a blur. The only good thing about it was that I didn't have to do anything. Ray and Cesar had packed up my things and taken them to my parents' house. They all decided it was best for me to move back in with them, at least for now.

It felt strange to be back in my parents' house. It felt like the life I once had was slipping away with every step I took. The memories of Oscar were everywhere. The bed I had shared with him, the phone calls, the late nights when he held me close—none of it was here anymore. I couldn't escape it. The grief washed over me in waves. I wasn't strong enough for this. I wasn't strong enough for any of it.

I got up from the bed, my body heavy, and walked down the stairs, leaving the house without a word to anyone. They worried about me, I knew that. But I didn't care. I couldn't care. No one could help me with this. No one could fix it.

I stumbled as I walked outside, my feet betraying me. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the ground, my knees aching from the fall.

"Can I help you?"

The voice startled me, and I looked up to see Sad Eyes standing there, his expression kind. He reached out to help, but I pulled away. I didn't want his pity. I didn't want anyone's help.

"I don't need any fucking help," I snapped, the words louder than I meant. "It's just..."

He backed off, giving me space, but didn't leave. He just sat down next to me on the curb, silent. After a moment, he spoke softly. "Too much?"

I rested my head on his shoulder, unable to hold it up any longer. "Too much," I whispered back.

"You know you're not alone, right?" Sad Eyes said, his voice steady, like he was trying to ground me.

"I know. I have my family, Cesar... my friends," I said, my voice small.

"Yeah, but I mean, you also have me. You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

His words, though simple, carried so much weight. I looked into his eyes. He wasn't just offering help; he was offering something I didn't even know I needed.

"I could even be there for your baby when she's born," he added, almost as if testing the waters.

I was confused. Was he suggesting what I thought he was? Maybe he just wanted to be kind, to support me. But his next words cleared everything up.

"Don't get me wrong," he said quickly, "I'm not asking you to move on, or forget Oscar. I know that's not how it works."

I felt a strange relief flood through me. I wasn't ready for anything like that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"But if—if one day the pain gets easier, and you're ready to love again... I'll be here. Not expecting anything. Not trying to replace him. Just being here for you and your girl."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure I could ever love again, but I knew that at least someone had my back. Someone who would be there, not to fix everything, but to help me carry the weight when it was too much.

For now, that was enough.

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