Insatiable Habits ~Mattheo Riddle~ Book 1

Chapter 17

Clarissa's POV

I looked down at my mums blood-stained face. Her eyes still open but no life in them. I looked back up at Mattheo's face. His eyes were closed but his expression was pained. He knew he had just fucked up.

I turned as quick as I could to run but someone grabbed me, pulling me back against their chest. I knew it wasn't Mattheo, it didn't feel like him. Turning me around, Reid held on to my forearms, planting me to the spot.

'Clary, you can't run like last time. You need to listen to him' He looked my in the eyes, guilt in his own and he was trying to his hardest to keep his voice neutral. I looked round him at Mattheo. He was standing with his head down. The door he had walked through was now closed, hiding the horrors behind it.

'Draco, what have you done?' Darcy whispered looking at her brother.

'Darcy, come with me' He walked to her and took her arm lightly, dragging her from the wine cellar. Reid let go of my arms and went to follow but I grabbed his shirt.

'You're staying' I said to him then looked back at Mattheo. He looked up at me, meeting my eyes. He face was full of remorse. 'I'm listening'

'We didn't mean for them to die.' He started.

'Oh, accident, was it?' My head tilted to the side

'We wanted to convince them to sign the paper work for Bellatrix to have parental responsibly' Reid quickly added. 'He didn't kill the lady'

'My mum' I corrected him. I could tell that me being calm was making them feel uneasy but I was trying my hardest to keep my anger down so my Fae magic didn't blow.

'You know I would never lie to you right?' Mattheo stepped forward, reaching for my hand but I whipped it back.

'Tell me what happened then?' Tears were brimming my eyes but I held them back.

'They had some sort of plan, she sacrificed herself to try to make it look like he did it so you wouldn't be with him.' Reid continued.

'But I didn't do it' His eye's were searching mine, begging for me to believe him. I did believe him. 'I did kill your dad though' His honestly made my heart ache as it broke in my chest. I fell back slightly, leaning on one of the barrels for support. He stepped forwards again but I held my hand up to stop him, still processing what he had said.

'The man kept going, goading him Clary. saying you would never forgive him. calling him a monster' Reid tried to defend his friend. 'And technically he didn't kill him'

'He just gave the order to' I guessed and they both nodded looking down, ashamed.

we were all silent for a while. I didn't really know what to say, I just knew that I didn’t want to be near him at that moment.

'Reid, I want you to take me back to Hogwarts' I looked at him and he turned to Mattheo as if asking permission. Mattheo's head shot up and he furrowed his brows, searching my face for any emotion. I kept my expression hard though, not letting the tears fall still.

He sighed, closing his eyes and nodded.

'Do you want to pack some stuff?' Reid asked but by doing that I would have to be in the manor longer with them.

'No, I have clothes at school. I'll ask Darcy to bring my other bits' shaking my head, I took hold of his arm.

'Clarissa, can we jus-' Mattheo began and I shook my head.

'I need some time Mattheo' I didn't want to be near him, the lack of control that he had, finally coming between us.

'I want to go now Reid' I turned to Reid and he nodded, apperating us both to the Slytherin common room.

There was only a couple of fifth years making out on the sofas and as soon as they see us, they shot up and ran for their dorms.

'Do you want me to stay?' Reid asked

'No.' I looked him up and down, bloody speckled all over him. My parents blood. I tried to smile at him but couldn't bring my self to do it 'You need to get changed for your date.'

'Clary, if you want me to stay with you then I will' He looked at me with worry in his eyes and rubbed the tops of my arms.

'Reid, I know whose blood that is on your face. I don't want to be near any of you'

His face dropped as the words came out and he backed away. 'I'm sorry Clarissa' He shook his head then apperated out of the room.

I stood there for a few minutes, wondering what to do next. Walking out the common room door, I walked to the furthest point of the castle. The astronomy towers.

after climbing over the railings, I sat on the edge, dangling my feet of the side. The cold air rushed at my face, drying the tears that still hadn't fell. it was freezing but I didn't mind. Mixed feelings ran through me. The man I loved had just killed the only family I had had for 17 years. Even though I had my new family, I still felt like an orphan.

I wanted to hate him so badly but even though my heart was breaking, the love I had for him wasn't. How could I forgive him for this though?

'Clarissa?'

I let out a little scream in shock, nearly losing my balance but a hand reached down grabbing my top and pulled me back.

'Shit, I didn't me to scare you. Sorry'

'It's fine,' I stood up and climbed back over the railing with a little help from him. 'Felix, isn't it?' I raised my eyes to look at his face as he held my hand still. He looked nothing like his father. Short, dirty blonde hair that was wind swept and light blue eyes. He was tall, about the same height as Mattheo and the same build.

'Yeh,' He smiled letting go of my hand. 'Look, I owe you an apology' He stepped back and ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck. 'I didn't know the situation with you and Lavender when I invited her.'

'It's fine' reassuring him again for the second time that night. 'Did Mattheo send you?' I had to ask, Mattheo would know by now that I was pissed off with Reid too and Draco would still be dealing with the wrath of his sister.

'No' He looked at me confused. 'I've been here since boxing day'

'You got to school here' It was my turn to look confused.

'Yep, I'm in Ravenclaw' my eyebrows raised in shock unintentionally and he laughed. 'I know, son of the murderous Greyback not in Slytherin'

'no... well actually yeh' I laughed back. 'I'm sorry I’ve never noticed you before'

'It's fine, as soon as you joined you was invited in to the inner circle' Shrugging he sat on the floor leaning against the wall. He patted the space beside him and I sat down.

'To be fair that was thanks to Pansy and Darcy. The boys were great too, apart from Mattheo' I chuckled 'I don't think he really liked me at the start'

I felt the first tear fall down my cheek as I mentioned of his name in such a casual way. Wiping it quickly before Felix could see, I pulled my knees up to my chest.

'You're cold' he started taking his hoody off. 'Here'

'No, I’m ok' He ignored me and placed it over my head.

'Come on' he smiled and I sighed putting it on properly. It drowned me but was cozy.

'Last thing I want is your boyfriend killing me for letting you get a cold' He joked and I broke down. Tears streamed down my face as he sat watching. Slowly and cautiously, he put a comforting arm around me and pulled me in to his side.

'Want to talk about it?'

I shook my head to say no but the words come out.

'I just don't understand how someone who is meant to love me can be so stupid and cruel' I told him everything that had happened while doing the ugly crying I always hate.

'So, he didn't kill him, he...'

'Just gave the order to' I nodded.

'Who killed him then?' he asked

'Your dad'

his eyes widened in shock 'Shit, I'm sorry'

'it's fine, it's not your fault' I smiled at him and stood up 'I'm going to go back to my dorm anyway'

'I'll walk with you if you want?' He stood up too and started heading for the stairs, I nodded and followed him down.

'So, Slytherin usually throw the new years ever parties but apparently there wont be one this year so Ravenclaw are going to' Felix starting telling me. I hadn't even thought about a new years eve party, I was meant to have been celebrating it at the Manor with my friends and Mattheo but that wasn't happening now.

'Do you want to come?' He continued. We stopped outside the Slytherin common room door

'Umm... yeh, maybe.' I went to take off his hoody but he stepped back.

'Give it back to me tomorrow, then you definitely have to come' He smiled and walk away. I let out a light chuckle, smiling genuinely for the first time since seeing my dead mum.

I walked in to the empty common room and up to my dorm. stripping off, I went to my drawers and let out a groan, seeing them empty. Of course I would forget that all my clothes were either at the Manor or in Mattheo’s room. Chucking Felix's hoody back on over my underwear, I walked to Mattheo’s room.

I opened the door and walked in. The bathroom light was on and I rolled my eyes at the fact it had probably been on since we left at the beginning of the month.

As I walked over to turn it off, Mattheo walk out.

'What the fuck!' I shouted

'Where the fuck have you been?' He growled at me and I see his eyes wonder down to the hoody and my naked legs 'And who's is that?'

'What are you doing here?' I calmed my tone but didn't answer his questions.

'You really think I would let you come back here on your own while Harry is still alive' He had anger in his eyes but I had reason to be more pissed off. 'Who’s jumper is it?'

'I was cold and found it in the common room, all my clothes are in here' I lied. His eyes narrowed, knowing I was lying but he didn't push for the truth. 'I said I wanted time Mattheo'

'I gave you time' he looked at his watch. 'Three hours of it to be exact'

'You just killed my parents and expect me to be fine after three hours?' I laughed in disbelief.

'I expect you to talk to me about it' he snarled, taking a step forward.

'Ok, I’ll talk about it with you' He stopped walking towards me and stood still, waiting for me to continue. 'You make me sick. I told you not to do anything and the first thing you do is kidnap my parents. My mum then kills herself to keep me away from you!'

His eyes closed and he bowed his head.

'You then got that angry you gave the order for my dad to be killed' fresh tears ran down my face. 'If you actually cared, you wouldn't have done that. I would have believed you about not killing my mum but now I can't be near you because you killed my dad.'

'I know, I didn't mean to let my anger get out of control like that' He looked back up, meeting my gaze. 'It's just who I-'

'Oh yeh, it's just who you are isn't it' I screamed at him 'I have to remember that don't I?' the sarcasm was coming through.

We stood in silence for a bit, waiting for the other one to say something.

'Do you know what probably hurts the most?' I wiped the tears away and continued 'The person who I want to hold me and tell me that it will be ok is also the person who I can't stand to have near me right now'

'I'm sorry, just tell me what to do' He walked forward again, trying his hardest to get closer to me with out actually touching me.

'I need time away from you' it hurt to say it and I knew it hurt him too but I knew it was what we needed. His eyes studied me for a while.

'Ok' He finally said and I let out the breath that I had been holding.

'I mean it Mattheo' I said, looking in to his eyes to show him how serious I was

'Ok' He nodded his agreement 'but I'm not leaving the school'

'Arghh' I cried, frustration pouring out. 'Fine' I turned to walk out the door.

'Didn't you want some clothes?'

'I'm sleeping in the hoody' I pouted and slammed the door behind me.

-------------------------------------------------

After a restless nights sleep, I woke up to the smell of coffee being thrust under my nose.

'Hey, how you feeling?' Darcy smiled sympathetically at me, cuddling the mug in her fingers.

'Shattered but ok' She handed me the mug 'Darcy, I don't like coffee'

'I know but I need you to wake up'

'Eurghh' I sat up, using my free hand to help me and leant against the head board. 'What time did you get here'

'About half hour ago, the boys have bought most of your bits here' She shuffled further on to the bed and crossed her legs 'umm... I have some good and bad news'

'Good news first' I sighed 'I've had my fill of bad news'

'Pansy will be here soon. She's got some drink for tonight so we can still celebrate new years eve'

'Ohh actually we have a party to go to. Felix invited me last night' I said, chirping up a bit but then grimaced as I got a whiff of coffee.

'Felix?' She looked at me curiously 'Is that who's hoody you slept in?'

'Yeh, he gave me his hoody when I got cold in the astronomy tower and then when I realized I didn’t have my pj's in here I just slept in it.'

'Why not just go to Mattheo’s room and get some?' she questioned

'I did' I said, rolling my eyes 'But he was in there'

'Yeh, that brings me to my bad news' She looked down and started twiddling her thumbs. 'Draco and Reid are back for good too. Mattheo said that none of them are leaving'

'To be honest Darcy, I expected it. This is Mattheo we are on about.' I let out an exasperated sigh and she chuckled slightly.

'He's not going to give up till he has you back' she sighed, shaking her head.

'I know and I do still love him Darcy but I don't know if I can forgive him' I quickly looked away before I started to cry.

'I think he knows that but because you love him, that is why he is holding on' She smiled.

I sat in silence for a bit, thinking about what had just been said. I loved him, I loved him with every part of my heart but I didn't like him and that was tearing me apart. I had just lost the only parents I knew for 17 years; did I really want to lose him too even though he was the reason I lost them.

I shook my head, trying to expel the thoughts I was having. 'let's go to the common room'

'Do you want me to go down first to get your bags' Darcy smirked and her eyes wondered down to the hoody. I laughed and stood up, pulling it further down my thighs.

'I'll go get them then get changed'

We walked out of our dorm in to the common room. Beside the sofas where 2 of my bags, full of clothes. Pansy was sitting on arm of the sofa beside them. as soon as she saw us, she ran over and pulled us in for a cuddle.

'Come sit down and talk to me before you take your bags' Pansy smiled, taking my hand and leading me to the sofas. 'Darcy has told me everything and I am so sorry Clarissa'

'It's fine, nothing can be done about it now' I shrugged and sat down beside her.

'Have you forgiven him?' She looked down at the hoody I was wearing and I chuckled

'Oh, that's not his hoody' Darcy laughed and Pansy looked at me shocked.

'Girl you move on quick' she grinned.

'No, not like that' I laughed. 'I saw Felix and he gave me it to keep me warm'

'Eww Felix' The look of disgust flashed across her face then she laughed. 'Mattheo will not like that'

'Mattheo can fuck off' I smirked

'Mattheo can what?'

I turned to the voice and saw Mattheo, Reid, Draco and Blaise walk in to the common room.

'I said, Mattheo can fuck off' I gave him a sarcastic smile as he walked closer and sat opposite me.

'You'd miss me too much' He smirked

'What, as much as I miss my dead parents' I sneered at him and his grin changed to a scowl.

'Is it too soon to laugh because that was quite quick for you Clary' Blaise grinned and I burst out laughing. Reid chuckled too and I glared at him.

'Too soon for you though' He instantly stopped as soon as I said it.

'Come on clary, we are sorry. We know it shouldn't have happened. Please just forgive us' Draco spoke up.

'You're right' I sighed and smiled at him 'I forgive you and Reid' They both smiled and I smiled back. I turned to Mattheo who was looking back at me, expecting me to say the same thing. I stood up and walked closer towards him but also in line with my dorm. He watched as I got closer, his eyes not leaving mine, hope swimming in them.

'You can go to hell'

Not waiting for his reaction, I carried on walking towards my dorm but a hand grabbed me. Pulling me back and spinning me round, Mattheo didn't let go of my wrist. His body was inches from mine and I could feel my pulse rise. His eyes lowered, looking at the hoody and then to my bare legs and I bit my lip nervously.

'Whose hoody is it Clarissa' He snarled. 

'Why does it matter?' I smirked, happy I was getting under his skin

'Because I'm going to kill him' he growled

'Don't you think you have done enough of that' I glared at him but I started to feel flustered being so close and I was aware that my breathing was getting more rapid.

'If someone else is trying to come between us then no, I haven't done enough' he sneered and my eyes flickered down to his lips then back up to his eyes.

'I hate you'

'Liar' His grin widened and I realized he still had hold of my wrist, feeling my pulse this whole time.

I ripped my arm away from him and stormed to my dorm, slamming the door behind me. It was then that I realized all my clothes were still in the common room but after my dramatic exit, I wasn't going back out there.