Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

EMPTINESS

 TW- Depression, Self-diagnosis

Author's note : so this is the beginning, more like a presentation of the character and her life, but next chapter will be the real start of the events ;)

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My name is Gabrielle. I'm from France and I'm nearly 18. This is my the second year in this school but I didn't want to come back. Actually, I came back because my family wants to see my succeed, and I am in a quite prestigious school. I'm living in the dormitory of my school during all the weeks between each holidays. If I have some times in a week-end, or if I'm feeling very bad, I can come back home for a week-end. But I usually have exams on the Saturday so I just stay at school. I have a great room with 4 others girls that I like, but I never talk to them about my feelings, even if I think I am always taking care of theirs. I'm studying mostly literature, french and English literature but also some classes of history, geography, Spanish, philosophy... Which I just hate. I don't like my school, I don't like my teachers, I don't care of what I'm learning, everything here is so boring and depressing. And I am too. In fact I wasn't diagnosed depressive but when you are feeling like I am, you know you are. Anyway, this year, I isolate myself, I step aside from my friends, I don't really know why but I just don't feel to be with people most of the time. And before, I was very emotive, very expressive but now, I just don't care about anything. I'm feeling nothing and I'm living like I wasn't myself, like I was just a forced spectator of this stupid life. And that's why I think I'm depressed, but what do you want to do about it ? I'm at the end of my teenage life, I want to succeed without worrying my family which is very far from me right now, my friends don't really know me, well, basically I just have to keep going a little longer with this life, I think.

The beginning of the year wasn't really bad, we already did some exams, but not very stressful and my grades were... not that bad. I was kinda happy of seeing my friends again, even if I never really talk to them as I did last year. But time is passing and I just wait until the holidays to be at home with my family and my real friends. After three weeks of school I was already tired and not so well. But I couldn't come home, I had exams and things to do here.

It was Sunday, I normal day, in a normal week of my normal student life. I heard the door opened.

"Hey! Wow Gaby you are working ? I'm proud of you." my roommate said.

"Yes, I'm surprise too, but I have an oral exam tomorrow so..." I answered, really meaning what I was saying. My roommate wasn't wrong, I was not studying very often, just when I had test or exams, mostly for orals exams because it was what I liked the most. I was working since at least 5 hours when I finished my oral. I was tired but proud of myself and I went straight to my bed to get some sleep before Monday.