Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

MANIPULATION

TW - Eating-Disorder, Mention of Self-Harm

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During few days, I looked up for ways to leave the hospital, with Sarah by my side. I thought several time of what she said about her, being like me when she was younger. And I didn't want to take it as a way to manipulate her but in the end, it was the only option. If she would refer at me as the teenage girl she was, maybe she would understand how I was feeling in here. So I made up my mind, this evening, when she would go to see me as always, I would tell her how I really felt and I would play on the emotions, to make her understand me not as Ms Paulson but as this teenage girl who tried to recover from eating disorder.

I did all my appointments, and I tried to be as cheerful as I could, I tried to look as happy as I could to make my therapist and psychiatrist assume that I was better. They seemed to believe me and I thought that my strategy was working, until I received a message from Sarah.

- Hey baby girl, I won't be able to go see you today at the hospital.. I'm so sorry but I have a meeting with the other teachers. But I'll be here tomorrow, the whole afternoon! Love you honey <3

When I finished reading her message, I was sad, but mostly, it was ruining my plan. I didn't answered at first but I thought that if I was mad at Sarah for not coming, it won't help in the process of making her convince my doctors to let me leave the hospital. So I simply replied.

- Don't worry I understand ! And I'm tired, I'm going to sleep early so that I can rest for seeing you tomorrow. Love u too x

I put my phone down on the nightstand and I pondered very late about my plan, until I made up the perfect strategy. I went to sleep with a big smile on my face, sure I would succeed and I'd be home at the end of the week.

The next morning, I woke up early. I didn't slept a lot but the excitation of leaving soon gave me so much energy. I dressed up with clothes that looked good on me. A pair of light mom jeans pants which made me look like I've had regained more weight than I really did, with a big black Guns N' Roses shirt with glitter which made me look healthier. I put a little makeup so didn't look pale and I watched myself in the mirror, proud of my efforts.

While I walked in the corridors during the day, people congratulated me on my good looking and it made my bright even more. I was feeling so good, but I couldn't wait for Sarah so I tried to call her.

I ended up on her voicemail and I tried to call her again. Still voicemail. So I wrote her a message.

- Hey, I tried to call you but you must be busy. Can't wait to see you later! I have so many things to tell you ;)

She didn't answered until I received:

- I'm here in ten minutes

She arrived quickly and apologized for not answering to my calls. She hugged me tight and when she let off the hug, she took a few steps back.

"Gabrielle you look wonderful honey !"

I smiled a lot and turned on myslef to show her my outfit, and my healthy body.

"It makes me so happy to see you like this, you look so much better than a month ago !"

I sat down on my bed and she did the same on the armchair in front of me.

"Sooooo..." I started. "I have some things I need to talk to you about."

She raised an eyebrow and I resumed.

"As you said, I look some much better, because I AM so much better !" I was trying to look convincing and I was smiling a lot. Sarah raised her brow even more.

"I've regained my weight back and I stopped all of my bad habits. See ?" I said showing her both of my clean wrists. I continued.

"And soon, I'll be capable of getting out of here because I think I don't need the tube anymore." I stood up. "You must understand. Do you ?" I was trying to bring the topic of her past, when she was apparently like me. She never talked to me about it in precision, but I needed to know because it was one of my principal argument to convince her to talk to my doctors about my leaving.

As I mentioned the subject of her past life, she looked down. I waited a minute in a heavy silence and she started talking.