Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

DECISION

TW - Eating-Disorder, Panic Attack

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Dr Robbins took Ms Paulson in the corner of the room and she stood at my right, while Dr Wilson was at my left.

"Gabrielle, I need you to look at me. You have to look at me." Dr Robbins said very stern and loud. She reached for my hands but I removed them. She still managed to hold them very strongly.

"Can you feel my hands squeezing yours ? Gabrielle answer me, can you feel that ?" She was squeezing both of my hands and I felt it so I nodded.

"Alright. Now can you tell me the color of my hair ?" She asked me. I was still breathing heavily but now I was watching her, I could still see around me. "bl-blond" I answered shakily.

"That's right, it's great Gabrielle. And what is the color of Dr Wilson's ?"

"Brunette." I replied, still shakily.

"Very good honey. And how many posters can you count on this room ?"

I looked around me quickly but it was easy, there were four walls in the room, and one poster per wall. "Four" I responded.

"Yes, right answer. Keep going honey, you're doing great".

I realized that my breathing was slower, and I was shaking less. Dr Robbins let go of my hands and she waved to Ms Paulson to say that she could go back next to me. She approached slowly and when she was close to me, she slowly reached for my hand. I accepted it and held her hand very tight. She wiped the rest of tears on my face and I jumped into her arms. We hugged tightly for five long minutes until I had no more strength to hold her. I laid on my bed and closed my eyes. I was so exhausted from the panic attack I just had. It was bad, very bad and even more exhausting so I fell asleep very easily.

When I was resting, Dr Robbins asked Ms Paulson to go talk outside in the corridor. Ms Paulson slowly let go of my hand and followed Drs Wilson and Robbins. As she was still watching me, Dr Robbins said "Don't worry for her. I'll ask a nurse to look after her while we are talking."

Dr Robbins asked a nurse and she came to sat next to me.

"So as we saw, it is too difficult for Gabrielle to eat. But she is very weak and her vitals aren't good. So we need to figure out now a solution to make her regain strength." Said Dr Robbins with a hard look.

"I know.. I understand. But you saw just like me, we can force her to eat, it too cruel I can't see her again like that." Answered Ms Paulson with tears with her eyes. Dr Wilson put her hand on Ms Paulson's shoulder and she smiled at her, with a comforting smile.

Dr Robbins resumed "Well, there is only one possibility left. The naso-gastric tube. It's her best chance to recover, she seemed scared even of the smell of food, so with the tube she won't feel anything, and she will regain weight." She saw the sad face of Ms Paulson and continued "I know, I don't like it too, and she won't enjoy it. But it's in her best interest." Ms Paulson nodded sadly.

"And how long will she keep it ? Does it hurt ? Will she be able to leave the hospital with it ?" she asked.

Dr Wilson took over "Yes, she will be able to go in and out, but it will especially depend on her mental state, and for now, she is obviously not ready to go." Ms Paulson stared at the floor, trying to hide her concern.

"But it won't hurt, it can be uncomfortable at the beginning, but she'll get use to it. And we'll take it off as soon as her weight is restored at a healthy level and when she'll be ready to eat real food."

Ms Paulson thanked the two doctors and came back to my side. She stroke my hair until she fell asleep too, worrying about the moment she would have to tell me about the tube...