Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

LEAVING

TW - Mental Illnesses, Eating-Disorder, Mention of Self Harm, Anxiety

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I was sedated for the next days because my doctors were running tests in order to find what was happening in my head. I wasn't able to talk do Sarah because I was tired and dizzy due to the sedatives and I didn't have the time to see her, I had too many tests and clinics examinations. It was a bit scary but it was soon over.

Few days later, I was called to Dr Robbins office. As I was still sedated, a nurse drove me in a wheelchair to the appointment. I met Sarah who was already there, talking with both Dr Robbins and Dr Wilson. She turned toward me when she heard the door closed behind me. Her eyes lit up and she reached for me.

"Gabrielle sweetheart !!" She said pulling me in a tight hug. "I miss you so much, and I love you honey. I'm so glad we're finally going to leave this place."

I looked up to Dr Robbins, waiting for her to say something. Sarah was holding my hands and it felt so comforting. Dr Robbins started talking.

"Gabrielle, we were able to find out why you behaved like that before. First of all, I want to make sure that you understand that nothing is your fault or the fault of your personality. The way you're acting, it's not you, it's your illnesses."

"Which ones ?" I asked with my dry throat.

"Well, you know you have an eating disorder. And we know you suffers from depression, since a while because we saw your scars."

"But I'm clean." I replied, my throat still burning, from the medication and the tears I was holding back.

"But you're clean. And that's already very good. But it's not the only thing. We were able to find out that you also suffers from severe anxiety, psychosis phases, OCD, and borderline disorder." Dr Robbins was looking at her files and Sarah squeezed my hands. Dr Robbins should had told her earlier. But my jaw kinda dropped when I heard all my disorders. Tears were filling my eyes and I looked at Sarah.

"Oh honey" She pulled me in another hug. "It's better this way, you're going to take a treatment and then you will be so much better I promise."

As I was crying louder, she turned to Dr Robbins, still hugging me, trying to get some help in the process of comfort me. My head was buried in Sarah's neck and Dr Robbins took the lead.

"Ms Paulson is right. Now you're going to try some treatments, at home."

When I heard the last word, I lifted up my head. "Home ?" I asked.

"I'll take you to my place, at least for a while." Sarah answered. I smiled and squeezed Sarah's hands.

"So as I was saying, you're going to try the treatments." She emphasizes the verb try. "And we'll see if it works. It can be a little bit difficult at first, your reactions at the medications. But we'll have appointments, weekly, to make sure the treatments work and you're okay. If not, I'll adjust it. And finally, Ms Paulson and you will keep both me and Dr Wilson in touch, whatever happens out of the hospital. Is that clear ?" She was stern but smiling.

I nodded and Sarah looked at me with bright eyes, full of hope.

We went back to my room with Sarah and started to pack all my stuff. She was pulling my clothes in my bag while talking to me.

"You're going home Gabrielle." She went to the bathroom and was packing my toilet bag. "You're finally leaving ! How do you feel about it?"

I was so tired but I managed to smile while I was putting my shoes on another bag.

"Gabrielle ?" Sarah repeated as I didn't answered the first time. She turned in my direction.

I didn't noticed it until she lifted up my chin with her finger. "What are you thinking about baby girl ?" She asked.

"I-... I feel bad." I didn't know how to explain it to her.

"Bad ? About what ?" Demanded Sarah worryingly.

"Bad.. bad to stay at your apartment..." I sighed. "I saw it before and it's not very big so.. you know... I don't want to bother you again I- I..." And that's the moment when I started to cry.

Sarah took a step back. "What ?? I think I didn't hear well what you just said." She answered ironically. As I wasn't joking, she came closer to me and sat on the bed. She patted on the sheet to make me sit next to her, so I did. She wrapped her arm around me and kissed my temple.

"Gabrielle, You. Never. Bother. Me. Do you understand?"

I was crying so I didn't replied.

"I told you before, I want to help you. That's not an option for be I mean it." She resumed

"But- but I feel like a burden." I cried. "I'm always causing problems and you saw it, I can be so violent even towards you ! It scars me." I was shaking.

"Hey, hey, hey. Honey look at me."

I didn't move.

"Look at me." She grabbed my head with her full hands and turned it for me to look at her. My vision was blurred because tears were still flowing. She wiped few tears with her thumbs and continued.

"You are sick. You are suffering Gabrielle. Your body, the little head of yours, everything suffers because of your illnesses. You couldn't make good decisions with all of that. But now it's over, we're going home with a treatment and I promise you, you'll feel better in no time. I promise you."

I nodded, but Sarah was waiting for a better answer.

"Yes." I said still shivering a little.

"So now" She stoop up. "We're going to finish packing your stuff and we definitively leave this place ! You'll be okay now." She gave me a big smile and she turned to pack the last supplies left in the room.