Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

STRUGGLING

TW - Eating Disorder

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I woke up a whole day after Sarah found me, laying motionless on my messy apartment. When I opened my eyes, everything was still blur but I was feeling a lot better than before. I felt like I was back to life. I sat on my bed and looked for Sarah, but she wasn't here. I tried to call for her but my throat was too dry to speak, so I stood up but immediately fell on the ground. Sarah heard the noise of my skinny body hitting the floor and she arrived quickly to my bedroom.

"Oh honey !" She said while helping me sitting on the bed. "You're okay ? How are you feeling ?"

"I-I... Umm" I tried talking but my throat was burning.

"Let's drink something." Sarah stated. She stood me up and put her arm around my waist. We walked to the kitchen and she sat me on a chair in front of the counter. I put my head on my crossed arm and laid it on the counter. I was still so weak, probably due to the lack of food.

"I made you something honey, it's pasta with vegetables, I know you like it and it's one of you comfort food."

But I gulped and raised my head to discover a full plate of pasta. Well, it wasn't full but I was so scared to eat, even a single pasta in the little plate would scared the shit out of me. Sarah set it in front of me and sat next to me. She took the fork on her hand and gave it to me but I didn't move. So she picked a piece of pasta and vegetables on the plate and tried to put it in my mouth but my lips remained close.

"You really have to eat baby. I'm sorry I know how hard it is but we have no choice." She said, truly meaning what she was saying. But I started struggling a bit as the fork was still close to my mouth. I started shaking and I could feel the panic entering my body, and Sarah was able to notice it as well.

"Hey, hey, hey" She said, putting down the fork. "Don't panic sweetheart it's okay."

But tears were already flooding my cheeks.

"No, no tears baby." Sarah continued, putting me on her lap. I buried my head into her neck, that was something very comforting for me and she was stroking my back, soothing in my ears.

I was able to calm down a bit and she lifted slightly my chin with her finger for me to look into her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Gabrielle, so sorry that you have to go throught that again and I know how hard it is for you, but if you don't eat with me right now, I'll need to call your doctors." She said staring deep into my eyes.

I started shaking, because I really didn't want to came back to the hospital.

"So here is what we are going to do. I want you to eat five bites of pasta, and drink three sips of orange juice." She said turning me so that I could face my meal, but I griped her shirt and didn't let it go.

"Okay I'll help you." She said, taking again the fork and bringing it to my mouth. I didn't open my lips again and Sarah warned me. "Honey, it's that or I call your doctors."

A single tear went down my face and I accepted the first bite. I chewed with disgust on my face. Not because it wasn't good, but because I couldn't eat, it was so hard.

Sarah made me eat two others bites and I drunk two sips of orange juice.

"Okay, two bites and one sip left, you can do it baby girl, I'm so proud of you."

Sarah picked a big piece of pasta with the fork and tried to put it on my mouth but it was too hard, I wanted to throw everything up, so I hide my face in my hands.

"Gabrielle come on, you're nearly there."

"Nooo..." I whined quietly. "Why are you doing this to me ?!" I screamed, my face still hiding in my hands. It was the first time I talked since Sarah came back, but my wailing were very difficult for her, she wanted to take my pain away, but she could only help me and push me, even when I didn't want to eat. She wasn't losing her patience and she put back the fork in front of me.

"Open your mouth." She demanded now a bit more sternly. But I remained still.

"Gabrielle, you open your mouth or you'll be feed by force in the hospital."

I groaned again and Sarah lifted me and sat me on another chair so she could stand up. She took her phone and typed a number, without saying anything or even looking at me.

When she put the phone next to her ear, she raised her eyes and saw me, tears in my eyes, pale face and skinny body, ready to give up...