Falling Again

Chapter 4

I'm not ready. That was my first thought when I arrived at the cabin. Laura had messaged me, telling me that they had already arrived. Even as I slowly opened the door, I knew that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to come back to reality, especially after living in a fantasy for the last two years.

I used drinking as an excuse to escape and pretend that everything was alright, but it wasn't. And this retreat is just the world's sick way of reminding me that I can't pretend for the rest of my miserable life.

Call me an alcoholic, but it's all I have to lean on. My brother killed himself right before Aria told me that everything she "felt" towards me was fake. His death broke me because I wasn't exactly the nicest person toward him. He needed someone, Aiden needed someone but I acted like a dick towards him because i wasn't ready to accept the fact the brother that I had spent ten years of my life with, had changed, and he might never be the same person ever again. So how did I deal with his death? How did I deal with heartbreak? I drank myself to oblivion. At this point, I couldn't give two shits if it killed me. It's not like anyone's going to miss me.

Walking into the cabin, the closest I have come to her in two years, I looked around, it was a nice place to be. Modern and pretty. I'm good at sensing beauty. It's the inner beauty that I struggle with, as I've come to learn.

The first thing I did was grab a bottle of vodka from the fridge. I needed to be plastered if I was going to see my first love again after two years.

It was another hour before she came down. Her face was bare, she had her hair up and her outfit... her fashion sense had changed. She used to wear baggy clothes that covered her body. I'm glad that she finally felt comfortable showing some skin.

When I saw her, my heart ached. I never realised how much I missed her until I finally saw her. Her head was down, she was in her own little world. A sharp pain travelled through my chest and I had to take another swig of vodka before I start to cry.

I can't escape the memories of what we once had, memories that she threw away. No words or hugs can help me, the sense of heartache... the pain is real.

But it wasn't until she looked up and saw me that the pain was the most aching. She looked like she had seen a ghost and all I wanted to do was comfort her. That's all I wanted, but she would probably hate me if I touched her. I get why she was shocked, I had changed. I was taller, muscular, hell, I even wore rings.

It wasn't until I looked at her that I realised that I definitely wasn't ready for this. It was a bad idea to come here. I couldn't even look at her without wanting to cry.

Her eyes dragged across my attire and my face— and the worst thing was, I couldn't sense what emotion was going through her head. I was able to know what she was thinking, once upon a time.

I can't. I can't look at her. I can't talk to her.

Without thinking, I walk away from her and up to my room, the second room at the top of the stairs. My suitcase was still downstairs but I'll bring it up later. Right now, I'm going to carry on drinking this vodka, and drown in my sorrows.