Falling Again

Chapter 25

Laura yawned, itching her stomach as she stood in the middle of the kitchen. It was the last day of our trip, and I was dreading it. Me and Aria haven't talked about what we'll do once we have to come back to reality. I live on the opposite side of the country to her, and she's now a big shot owner of a company whilst I live in a shitty flat with a shitty job.

I take a deep breath, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned on the counter. Laura blinked at me, frowning a little. "What's wrong?" She asked, and I shook my head. "Jacob, I'm not stupid. You were my best friend once, and I know when you're hiding ahit from me, so tell me." She gave me a pointed look, and I swallow my nerves.

"I don't want Aria to see how I'm living." I admitted, and Laura tilted her head to the side. She's the only one who has visited my flat, and she's the only one that knows how hard it is. Even my parents don't know. I can't  let them see how their remaining son is living his life, how much I've let them down. "She's just... She won't understand."

"She understand more than you know." Laura tells me quietly, shrugging her shoulders. "Your addiction is a diseasez and so was her anxiety. She was suicidal, of course she knows what it means for life to be hard." Laura tells me, and I slowly nodded my head.

"I had a really great future. I don't want her to think that she's the reason it all fell apart." I quietly say, afraid that if I speak loud enough, I'll will it into existence. "It's not something I'm proud of, and it's not something I want to show her." I carefully say, and Laura takes a deep breath, pulling herself into the counter.

"If you're gonna hide things from her, it's not the way to start a relationship. Take her to your house, Jacob. Show her who you've been for the past two years, and let her in. She couldn't do that, and it destroyed you. It destroyed her, too, and neither of you deserve it." Laura tells me, and I pressed my lips together.

"And if she doesn't like what she sees?"

"She already doesn't. It's not a secret that you're an addict, Jacob. It's just... Whether you like what you see, or not. And if you're willing to change."

"I am." I nodded my head. Laura nodded at me, sniffling a little. "I need to go." I stepped forward, and Laura only smiles as I leave the kitchen, making my way upstairs. In that time, I got my thoughts correct and didn't let myself walk away from this without a confrontation. I needed to have this conversation now.

The door to Aria's room was slightly ajar, and I could hear her humming something as I walked in. She looked back at me as she was packing her suitcase, a small smile on her face. "Hey. Do you think I should donate some clothes to the charity shop-" She began.

"I need to tell you something." I interrupted, and Aria froze, her lips parting slightly.

"Okay." She says, slowly. "Sure. Go ahead." She nodded her head at me, and I cleared my throat, my hands on my hips.

"Erm... When we get home, I'm gonna go to rehab." I tell her, and Aria's eyebrows shoot up. She blinked at me, slowly getting to her feet. "And... I know this is really early for us, and it's best for us to take it one day at a time, but..." I shrugged my shoulders. "I can't be without you anymore, Aria." I shook my head. Aria only stares at me, her back rigid and her eyes flickering all over my face. "I spent the last two years fucking begging for you to walk through my door, but you never did."

"Jacob-"

"We needed that space to heal. I needed to mourn my brother and you needed to learn how to love your life. And... I'm so fucking glad that you do. But, I became an addict in that time. I do drugs and I drink and I withered away my life whilst you learnt how to live it." I pressed my lips together, and I could feel the tears prick my eyes. "I live in a shit apartment and I have minimum wage job, and it's not your fault. It's not your fault because I have control over my life and my heart, and my heart is telling me that if I have to spend another day without you, it might as well be my last." I shook my head, and Aria's lips quivered as she stared at me.

"Jacob." She says my name like it was poison. Like it was the last word she'd have on the tip of her tongue. Like, at that moment, she couldn't say anything else. "Why are you telling me this?" She asked, her voice small and quiet. I took a step towards her.

"Because I... I don't wanna get my heart broken again. I'm telling you that if breaking my heart is inevitable, then I might as well walk away, now. I can't go through that again."

"No." She shook her head. Suddenly, she's opposite me and she's taking my hand in hers, lifting it to her mouth. Aria pressed a soft kiss to my lips, and my eyes fluttered to a close. "No, don't think like that." She whispered against my skin. "I know saying sorry doesn't fix anything, but I am. When you left, I felt so empty. I felt like... like I couldn't live without you. And, I... I had no idea how I was going to survive it, but I did. I survived, and so will you." She tells me, a sad smile on her face. I watch as a single tear slips down her cheek, and I reach out to wipe it away, my thumb stroking softly against her skin. "You'll get better and I'll be by your side through all of it. I love you. I'm here for you."

Her words choke me. I take a small step back, and I think my heart stops. My lips part, and Aria releases a heavy breath, her shoulders dropping. "What?" I whispered, my eyes wavering as they flickered all over her face.

"I love you. I always loved you, I just didn't know what love felt like, so I didn't know what that feeling in my belly was when I saw your empty room or when I saw you walk out during prom. But I..." Aria shook her head, and my chest squeezed with every word she told me. "I can't do life without you, either. I couldn't look at another man without remembering what I had with you. I couldn't go to my favourite cafe because that's where you and I had our first conversation. I couldn't go to Laura's house because it reminded me too much of yours. I couldn't even look at my prom dress without feeling like I was suffocating." She confesses, and I can only stare at her.

I can only stand and take in every word she tells me, barely able to breathe. Aria was looking at me like she meant it, like she meant every word and I have no idea why it hurt me so much. Why did it hurt me that it took her two years to tell me these words? Why did it hurt me that when I wanted the feelings reciprocated, she couldn't do it?

None of that should matter. She loves me, and she's telling me she loves me. I shouldn't want more. I don't want more. Her love is enough for me. "I love you, too." I breathe, and she sighed, her eyes fluttering to a close. "I love you so much." I blurted out, cupping her face and desperately kissing her. Her arms curled around my neck, and suddenly, everything felt alright in the world.

I wonder how long it would last.