Falling Again

Chapter 39

Jacob was allowed visitors every week. As I sat in the room waiting for him, I couldn't help but feel nervous. I wondered what state he'd be in. I wondered how he was doing and if he was coping. None of my questions helped the ache in my chest or the anxiety bubbling through me. 

I just needed to see him and know that he was okay. It was the only thing that would help me. It was the only thing that would make me feel better about this whole thing.  

I dig my nails into my knee as I sat, waiting impatiently for him. I just needed him to be okay. I needed him to be alright and healthy and fine and- 

"Aria?" I hear his voice, and my head snapped up. He was standing there, his arms crossed tightly over his chest with a volunteer next to him, and I watch the man give Jacob a gentle squeeze of his bicep before walking away. 

I'm instantly on my feet, rushing over to him and throwing myself at him. Jacob releases a heavy breath, wrapping his arms around my tightly as he buried his face into my neck. 

Oh, thank God he's okay. He's okay. He's fine and alive and still fucking beautiful. 

"You're okay." I whispered, leaning back and cupping his face in my hands. His eyes were... soft. Shining. Tired and hurt. "You're okay, right?" I asked him, and he smiled before nodding his head. 

"I'm fine." He sniffed, but he was jittery and jerky. I knew it was the effects of withdrawal, but it made me feel really shit that I pushed this on him. That I'm the reason he's here. 

I pressed my lips together before Jacob leads me to the couch, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pressing a soft kiss to my temple. "How are you?" He asked me, and I could see the relief in his eyes that I was here. 

"I'm better now that I've seen you." 

"Me, too." He smiled, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger as he turns in his seat to face me. "So..." He sighed, and I stared up at him with so much relief that it almost consumed me. 

I released a shaky breath. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming to rehab." I whispered, and he pressed his lips together tightly, sniffing a little. 

"I know how much of a burden this is to you." 

"No." I assure him, reaching up and cupping his face. "You are not a burden to me, Jacob, and you never will be. I'm here for you. I love you." 

Jacob smiled, leaning into my touch as his eyes fluttered to a close. "It just... it got really bad." He whispered, and my throat began to lock up. "I... woke up in a place I didn't recognise, and..." He shivered slightly. "I knew I couldn't carry on like this. I wanted to be the man that you deserved. The brother that Aiden always needed." A single tear slips down his cheek, and my breath hitches before I wiped it away. 

"Jacob." My voice cracks. 

"But, mostly... I'm here for myself." He shrugged, his shoulders hunching. "That's what they've taught me here. That I can't be on my journey of recovery for anyone else but me. I can't... hold my future in someone else's hands." Jacob shrugged, and I was so beyond proud of him that it was difficult to put into words. It meant so much that he is willing to put in the work and get better. It means so much that he is taking all the help he needs, all the help that is offered to him and is making the best out of his life with it. 

And, when he gets out of here, I'll be on the other side ready to congratulate him and help him through the next part of his journey. It's what love is about, and after all this time, I'm ready to prove to Jacob that I love him. 

Love is defying all odds to be together. Love is sacrifice. Love is making amends to your life to fit that person, and love is holding them up when they need a little help. Love is accepting all their flaws and cherishing them. Love is acceptance and I accept him. I accept Jacob. 

"I'm so proud of you, baby." I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and then his temple. Jacob smiles, leaning into my touch a little more. 

"Thank you for sticking by me." Jacob whispered, his eyes fluttering to a close slightly. "I love you so much." 

I smile at his words, feeling them sink deep into my heart and make a home there. "I love you, too." I sniffled. 

Jacob turns to face me, swallowing heavily. "Listen..." He cleared his throat. "I don't know how long I'm gonna be here for. They're saying a month, but-" 

I sucked in a sharp breath. 

"-It could take longer because of how long I've been using substances for." He tells me, his gaze dropping to his lap. 

"Jacob, you take however long you need to get better, okay?" I sniffled a little, trying not to burst into tears about away from him for so long. All I know is that he'll be better by the time he comes back to me, and we can carry on living our lives to the fullest. "Just know that I will be right outside these walls, waiting for you. I'm not going anywhere." 

"Yeah?" His gaze slowly lifted up to mine, and I smiled at him, feeling a tear slip down my cheek slowly. 

"Of course. I'm with you, Jacob." My voice came out as a whisper as I pressed my shaky hand to his chest, right over his beating heart. A reminder to both of us that he was still alive. "I'm not going anywhere that isn't right by your side. Two years of I love you's to make up for, remember?" I laughed, and a small smile tugged onto his lips. 

"I can't wait to hear every single one of them." 

"You will." My nose wrinkled, and Jacob tilted his head down, pressing his lips to my cheek, right where my tear was. My eyes flutter to a close as I revel in the feeling of him being so close. I had no idea when I'd next experience this, and I wanted to cherish it with my whole heart. 

Then, Jacob cups my neck and pulls me in for a kiss, his lips moving softly against mine. I practically melt into his touch, my hand resting on his thigh as I curled my arm around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair. 

Forever, I thought. Him and I were forever, and nothing was getting in our way.