Falling Again

Chapter 10

When Aria leaves the room, I suddenly feel weird. I was alone with my best friend but everything was different now and I hate myself for what I did to her. Flickering my eyes over to her, I see her heaving herself onto the counter and crossing her ankles in front of her. Her hands rest against the counter. I've seen her sit like that before, usually when she's contemplating things.

"Want some coffee?" I ask her before pulling out a mug from the cupboard.

"No, I'm good." I nod my head and place my cup under the coffee machine.

After turning it on, I turn my body towards Laura and give her my full attention. I know that I've been avoiding her these past few days, but I thought it would have been better if I left her alone. If I didn't pain her even more than I had already done, it would have been fine. We would both go our separate ways again when this trip finishes.

"How're you doing?" She quietly asks me before meeting her eyes to mine.

"Great." I say sarcastically before chuckling a little.

"I know how hard this is for you. I invited you here so that we could all be friends again, like we used to." Her words was quiet, in contrast to her usual boisterous, loud voice.

"It doesn't really work like that, Laura." I mumble before extracting my cup full of coffee and taking a small sip.

Laura's eyes wander to the coffee cup in my hand and she laughs quietly.

"It's nice to see you drinking something other than alcohol." The low brightness in her eyes are quickly replaced by worry and fear. "Why did you have to start drinking, Jacob?" Her voice quivers and tears prick the corners of her eyes. "If you had just talked to me-" her voice breaks but she carries on speaking, even though I want her to stop. "If you had just talked to me, I could have helped you. I'm your best friend, why wouldn't I?"

I place the coffee on the countertop and cross my arms over my chest.

"When... when Aiden committed suicide, I didn't take it very well. I just kept on thinking, what if I was a better brother to him? What if I had cared more about him? Maybe he wouldn't have done it."

Laura quickly slides off of the counter and stands in front of me. Her hands reach out and rest on my arms. Her eyes furrow in sympathy.

"No one is blaming you for his death, Jacob. What happened wasn't your fault." She may say the words, but that didn't change the facts. It didn't lessen the truth. It didn't change my mind.

A tear slips out of her eye and I wipe it away quickly before pulling her in for a hug. Laura immediately softens and wraps her arms around me. It's been so long since me and Laura had a proper conversation and were able to confide in each other. I miss her so fucking much.

When she pulls away, she chuckles lightly at the sight of the tears slipping out of my eye. Cursing under my breath, I quickly wipe it away and cross my arms over my chest.

"Can... can I ask you something?" I hesitantly ask Laura as I pick up my coffee mug once again.

"Sure."

"It's about Aria. She told me that she wasn't using me."

"And you don't believe her?"

"I don't know... would you? If someone told you that everything they felt about you was fake and that they don't love you, would you believe anything they say to you?"

Laura stares at her hands before looking back at me, her eyes bored into mine. She contemplates something in her mind. "Honestly Jacob, I think you should just talk to her."

"I don't think I'm ready."

Laura's eyebrows furrow in confusion and she crosses her arms over her chest. "What do you mean?"

"I mean..." I sigh deeply, questioning my next words. "I've been living in this fantasy for the past two years and now that I have to come back to reality, everything seems... difficult. I try to hold off the inevitable but... I don't know."

Laura smiles sympathetically before taking a few steps towards the island. "Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality, it's a way of understanding it." Laura's words sunk in and hit me.

I smile at her once more. But, with Aria, everything is confusing. My biggest mistake wasn’t falling for her, it was thinking that she had fallen for me too. And my biggest fear is falling again. 

Maybe, that's why I hid behind a facade and escaped my reality to live in a world where everything was perfect. Sometimes we need fantasy to survive the reality.