Her Helping Hand. (W|W, INTERSEX.)

11.

Tw: mentions of sexual assault & self-harm.

UNEDITED.

Dylan:

"Take your time." I breathed as I helped Rayne walk inside. She hissed slightly as she held her abdomen before slowly sitting down at the couch. It was after two a.m, is leaving the hospital after being interviewed by the police about what happened.

I nearly broke down crying as I read her statement, legally becoming her proxy and signing a ton of forms. I wanted nothing more than to bring her home and hold her close, but with the trauma she endured I'm sure she just wanted to be alone.

"I'm gonna make you some tea, okay? And some soup. I know you didn't eat today." I breathed as I kicked off my shoes before bending down in front of her, slipping her sneakers off her feet. I felt her eyes on me and I looked up to see her staring down at me with a look I couldn't quite understand.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked gently as I slowly stood to my feet. She shook her head and looked away, a tear streaming down her face. She wiped it away quickly and sighed before slowly standing up.

"Easy. Take your time." I breathed as I grabbed her hand, it being so large compared to mine that I couldn't help but stare for a second. I wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her walk upstairs.

"Do you..do you want to sleep with me tonight?" I asked quietly. Her head snapped toward me so quickly that I couldn't help but snicker bashfully. She gave me a look asking if I was sure and I nodded. She smiled gently before nodding her head.

We walked into my room and I helped her sit on the bed before walking to my closet and grabbing my toiletries after taking my makeup off. I wanted nothing more than a hot shower, my entire body aching from running even though it was worth it. I wasn't too athletic. Never was. I walked into the room, gasping slightly at the sight in front of me before looking away bashfully.

She was shirtless, her sports bra and boxers being the only piece of clothing that was on her body. She looked amazing laying in my bed despite the pain that was plastered on her face. Her eyes were shut, her lips in a slight pout as she snored lowly. I knew she was tired so I shut the light off before tip toeing into the bathroom and shutting the door.

As I showered, I couldn't help but allow a few tears to stream down my face. I sobbed quietly as the memories of him touching my body replayed in my mind over and over again. It's been so long since these feeling resurfaced that I couldn't help but allow my fingertips to graze against the scars that laid on my thighs. It reminded me that I was still here and that he didn't win no matter how much I wanted to give up.

Seeing Rayne cry the way she did triggered my own emotions. I remember I used to cry every night, feeling so dirty because of another man's actions. It made me want to rip from inside of myself.

It's why I started to hurt myself.

I shut off the water and wrapped myself in my towel before walking to the counter and staring in the mirror as I applied my mud mask. I yawned, my soft hiccups from crying filling the room as I tried to control my breathing.

After washing my face, I got dressed in my silk pajama set and wrapped my hair before shutting off the light and opening the bathroom door, jumping visibly at Rayne's tall figure as she stared down at me.

"Jesus..you scared the-"

"Why you was cryin?" She asked quietly, the sound of her voice filling my body with warmth as if it traveled from inside of her body to mine. I felt myself grow embarrassed as I stared up at her concerned eyes.

"I thought you were asleep. Just had a few emotions to let out that's all."

Rayne stared down at me with a look that wasn't convinced at what I said. I sighed and brushed passed her before slipping into bed and staring up at her as I patted the empty side. She smirked slightly and walked over, slipping under my duvet and sighing before looking at me.

"What's wrong, ma?" She asked. Her voice was hoarser than usual considering her larynx was messed up from being choked with a fucking plastic bag. The thought alone made me ball my hands in fists, my nails piercing into my skin and drawing blood.

"Aye, no hagas eso, yo." She hissed quietly and suddenly as she grabbed my hand, wiping my palm with her thumb before staring up at me with concern.

"You speak Spanish?" I asked in shock. She nodded, blushing slightly before waving her hand for me to talk. I groaned, laying my head against the headboard as I stared up at my ceiling.

"Do I really have to?" I asked quietly as I looked down. She shook her head, but then nodded slightly with a shrug to indicate that I can, but I wasn't obligated to.

It made me swallow hard.

The memories of my grandfather's hands touching my body rushed back to me and I felt the tears stream down my face as I stared at my hands. I felt her large palm against my cheek and I looked at her to see she had tears in her eyes too as she waited for me to speak.

"Um..It started when I was about nine. I was alone with him and it started with grinding. He'd tell me to sit on his lap and he would-um-rub himself on me. Then uh.. it just kept getting worse. It didn't end until I went away for college." I sobbed, feeling arms wrap around me so tightly that I felt like I couldn't breathe. We both sobbed together as she held me, rocking me back and forth as she whispered softly in Spanish. I couldn't understand what she was saying but it soothes me, my sobs turning into shaky breaths and hiccups.

"W-who?" She asked as she suddenly pulled back. I could see the anger and hurt in her face as her eyes analyzed mine. I swallowed hard, my chest rising up and down slightly, but it slowed as her warm palm found mine, our fingers lacing as she nodded to assure me that it was okay.

That she would believe me.

"My grandpa. My moms dad." I responded quietly. She took in a sharp breath, her hand trembling in mine as she stared down at the sheets with a glare.

"Tell?" She asked. I chuckled humorlessly as I wiped my face, letting out a breath as I stared up at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Many many times. I told my mom and she told me to suck it up if I wanted my trust fund. And my sister..God..she was the worst one. I never knew that someone so young could be so fucking evil. All because of jealousy. She said she knew. That she saw and that she didn't care. She said it's what I get for always hogging the spotlight, and that I deserved all the special attention I was receiving since I wanted it so badly. I just..I broke. I fucking broke." I wailed, Rayne pulling me to her chest as I sobbed loudly, clinging to her as if my life depended on it. I heard her hiss slightly and I tried to pull back, but she mumbled a 'no' as she held me tighter, her own tears dripping onto my arm as I cried into her chest.

Finally. Someone who cared. I couldn't ask for anything more because I was tired. It was my deepest, darkest secret. My own grandfather took my virginity at sixteen years old, and my mother let him. As if it was an offering for generational wealth.

And yet..I still love her with everything in me. I still search for her approval. Why?

I'll never know.

Heavy..I know.