Her Helping Hand. (W|W, INTERSEX.)

25:

UNEDITED. TBIS BOOK WILL SOON BE COMING TO AN END BABES.

Dylan:

I watched as the elevator doors closed and I sobbed into my hand as I held my stomach with the other. I couldn't believe I pushed Rayne to this extreme. It was never my intention to shun her.

I just hated myself more than anything right now. I felt undeserving of her love. The last few days I couldn't hear anything but my mother's voice in the back of my head saying I'll never be woman enough for anyone if I couldn't have a baby. She enforced that since young. Get married and provide kids.

I couldn't even do that.

I wanted nothing more than to be in Rayne's arms. I just couldn't push myself to do that without feeling guilty. I felt terrible for what was going on. I felt as if it was my fault the baby was having issues. I should've been more attentive with my body.

The doctor explained that many things could be the reason for what was going on, but the main culprit was genetics. I know Rayne didn't know her family, but I knew mine and my biggest fear was passing down generational curses to my baby.

And I felt that's exactly what was happening. That this was my karma for going against my mother and her wishes for me. For not having unconditional love for the family I grew up with despite what went on behind closed doors. I was nothing but ungrateful and now God is punishing me.

I dropped to my knees at the thought, feeling weaker than ever as I sobbed, my tears dripping down from my chin and into the marble tiles that were now covered in glass. It felt as if it was my heart that was shattered right in front of me rather than the glass cup that I threw from aggression.

I tried picking up the glass, ignoring the sting as they pierced my skin. I watched as I bled on the floor from my fingertips and palms, crying harder because it kept reminding me that I was alive and that this was real.

I didn't want to call Stacy. I feel as if I would overwhelm her. She's already done more than enough for me, especially with that situation with Ronald. I know she needs time. I could feel it.

"Daddy..I miss you so much." I suddenly cried out as I stared at my bleeding hands that dripped onto the tiles.

"I wish you were here to hug me. To tell me that I would be okay. That my baby would be okay. That Rayne and I would be okay. I feel terrible. I pushed away the one person that showed me what love was besides you. I don't know what to do.." I sobbed.

"Please watch over her. She said she was going to the store but I know she probably won't come back anytime soon. I love her so much that I feel so unworthy. I feel like a disappointment to her because I can't even have her baby without complications. I feel as if she's done more for me than I could for her and it's killing me.

She saved my clinic. She saved all the girls that were being manipulated while I sat in bed and ate fucking ice cream. She cooks, she keeps everything afloat. What am I doing? Why can't I feel whole?" I cried. I continued to sob, the tears streaming down my face when I felt a small tap against my small baby bump.

I furrowed my brows as I froze my movements, my tears still falling when another tap hit the side of my stomach causing me to gasp.

"Oh my God.." I sobbed as I touched my stomach with a bloody hand. It was barely a tap, but it happened again and I cried harder. My baby was kicking for the first time and it filled my stomach with butterflies. It was a soft feeling, as if someone was knocking softly against the inside of my stomach.

"Oh my baby..mommy's so sorry. Im so sorry." I sobbed when the elevator doors opened.

"Dylan?!" Rayne exclaimed as she ran over to me, dropping her bag on the floor and kneeling down.

"Im okay, it's from my hands. The blood is from my-" I was interrupted when she pressed her lips against mine. I melted into her touch, our kiss being soft and slow. It was full of passion, her hand slowly holding the side of my face as our lips moved against each other's.

"I love you. I love you and Im sorry. I was out of line. I shoulda never spoke to you like that, especially being the mother of my child. Im sorry." Rayne whispered.

"I'm sorry. It's me who should apologize, Rayne. I pushed you away because I have all of these feelings inside. I blame myself for this. I keep hearing my mother's voice-"

"Fuck ha. Fuck ha voice. She was wrong. She don't deserve any space in your pretty ass head, ma. She let you get hurt for her own selfish reason. That's not a motha. You're more of a motha than ha. Don't feel guilty about nothin. None of this is your fault and it ain't mine either. I learned that God gives the toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. We are that. We a team, babe. I shoulda never walked out, I needed some air. I needed time ta think. But don't ever think ima leave you especially in this predicament. I even bought you ice cream."

I laughed through my tears and she smiled as I nodded before kissing my forehead. She looked down at my hands and sighed before shooting me a hard look and I shook my head.

"It wasn't on purpose. I was trying to clean it up but I kept crying I couldn't see and cut my hand."

"Okay. Even if it was on purpose I wouldn't be mad. I know you used to do it, but I don't want you to think that's an option cause it's not. Especially if you carrying my baby." She breathed as she slowly picked the glass from my hand.

"Ima clean it up. Go lay on the couch and then we gonna take that bath, okay?" She asked softly. I nodded and she smirked before kissing my lips and helping me stand up before walking me over to the couch.

I watched as she swept up the glass and mopped the floor to make sure there weren't any pieces left, before washing the mop in the bathroom and putting it away. She then walked over and cleaned my hand with rubbing alcohol and wrapped it up with a large piece of gauze and a bandage.

"The baby kicked." I breathed, causing Rayne to look up with wide eyes.

"Fa real?" She asked quietly. I smiled and nodded, her hand slowly finding the small bump that poked from my stomach. I saw the tears well in her eyes and it triggered mine, a small sob coming out of her mouth as she leaned in and kissed it.

"I'm telling you, Dylan. This baby gonna be just fine."

"I believe it. And I'm sorry for doubting before."