I just keep moving forward

Chapter 64: Questions and a Return

(A/N):

Hey guys, its been a while.

I'm going to cut to the chase of why I stopped posting.

Reason 1: The Attack on Titan Ending:

I was so disappointed, angry and upset by the ending that it basically took all focus and drive away from me for a solid two weeks.

The ending itself was so shit that it caused me to search for people on the Internet to actually argue with about it for about 6 weeks, I was filled with hate pretty much.

The fact that my favourite series of all time and my favourite character ever got so brutally massacred like that dealt a pretty damaging blow, as silly as that sounds. It does sound stupid but Eren was almost like an inspiration to myself and many others out there but that ending just punched us all in the face tbh, the people who enjoyed it made it even worse.

Reason 2: A Girlfriend:

I was with the girl from May until September, I was able to balance it until July but then with everything else going on it was hard to balance work, exercise, football, friends, a girlfriend, my mental health and a pretty detailed passion project (this story) all at one time.

Reason 3: Work:

I started this story in January, I was doing online lessons at the time and I essentially did 0 schoolwork. Even when I was doing my exams between April and June, they weren't really distracting from the story as I've never really been fully concerned with school. I ended up cheating in my exams due to the 4 months of online lessons I basically ignored and got an A, B, C, C respectively.

However, when I started working in July, it really took the energy out of me for basically everything. The people who follow my workout book will know that I lost 6lbs in 11 weeks from work. It was a 2½ mile cycle there and back with about 700m of it being a steep hill. My legs would be dead by the end of a 6-8 hour shift. It wasnt consistent either as it was a 0 hour contract so I never knew when I was meant to be in or when I was going to end. I quit this job in late October and have now started a job that will be working nights for the next 11 weeks.

Reason 4: Writer's block:

I remember writing the next chapter of my book and thinking "this is fucking crazy, my story isn't realistic at all now, it's just shit and over dramatised, this isn't what I wanted". I also ran out of ideas and I still don't know how I'm going to end it even though I started it 10 months ago.

Reason 5: Mental Health:

Always the big one.

I wasn't depressed, I don't have anxiety, neither do I have any sort of mental illness or disability. I just felt drained, as cringey as it sounds. The constant work, the constant battle with myself to not be late to work, to be a good boyfriend, to not give up this story which has gotten over 50,000 views, to workout and not completely lose myself and to keep moving forward (yes I said it) in football and reach my goals. It was all pretty draining for me, on top of that, I was always getting into petty fights about the ending of Aot too.

Solutions:

1: I'm mostly over the Aot ending now, I've been given hope for an anime alternate ending which is practically fact at this point (I can explain why if needed). But I've also learnt to come to terms with the fact that a) it's just fiction, get over it b) people who like the ending have a maximum of 7 IQ points and c) arguing with people who enjoy something isn't going to change anything, people are stubborn and their opinions don't change from reason. As well as this, the ending isn't going to suddenly change if I say so.

2: I don't have a girlfriend anymore so I won't have to spend 10 hours of my day preoccupied with that. However, I am currently speaking to a girl so rip.

3: As I said, I'm starting a new job that works nights meaning that, as well as having weekends off, I will have a lot of the afternoon and all evening free.

4: My mental health is a lot better now, I no longer feel dark or drained, I feel happy or content most days. I still have confidence issues and anxious thoughts when playing football but I'm slowly overcoming those.

Further Issues:

1: I still have writer's block, I have no clue where to take my story besides from a few storylines here and there.

2: I am currently pursuing a girl who could become my girlfriend (not sure yet). This could also take up my time.

3: My "free days" from the night shift will be taken up a lot with football and exercise however, there will still be alot of free time.

So basically, apart from pleasing you guys and just completing it, I had 0 reasons to continue this book back in August, yet I had 5 reasons why not to.

Now though, I have 4 reasons to continue and 3 reasons why not to.

So basically, I want to return but I have a few questions for you guys.

Question 1: Does any one even care anymore?

Question 2: Will you guys still want to read any new chapters?

Question 3:  Will you guys mind if I'm a bit inconsistent?

And Question 4 I'll find the answer to after 24 hours. That being that usually I have 100 views after 24 hours however, I'll leave it for 36 as I'm not that big headed to expect everyone to come back straight away.

I'm sorry I've been gone for 3 months but eventually I do want to come back (whether that's today, tomorrow, next week or in another month).

I just want to know what you guys want and think, as well as to see whether I'm still relevant.

Special thanks to Vylerieya DroolyMcRIP ErenTookCrack Reiner_1504 MikasasIceCream and NotAuthorSSS for making me realise this.

P.s. Sorry for the clickbait lmao get got