If the Heart is Always Searching... An Outsiders Fanfiction

Saying Goodbye

Author's Note:  Well, this is it.  This is the last regular chapter of If the Heart is Always Searching.  I AM GOING TO POST AN EPILOGUE SO DON'T THINK THAT THIS IS THE END!  It's taken 8 months to write, and I'm so proud of how far I've come.  Thank you everybody for reading and giving me feedback.  I hope you liked it!

How can somebody so close to you, hurt you worse than any enemy in your life? I had always thought that if I loved, I’d be loved back and if I put everything into a relationship, I’d get the same in return. The next day, I was proven wrong.

　

I had to go to the studio for an audition with a New York dance company. Even though I have no intentions on joining it, my teacher made everyone audition for the experience. The audition went surprisingly well, but after seven hours of dancing, I was more than ready to go home and relax with Dallas for the night.

I should have known something was wrong when I found the apartment door locked. Dallas never locks the door, even if the both of us are out. So I dig around in my dance bag and find the key near the bottom.

Inside, I find the most horrible, heart breaking scene. Laying on the couch, intertwined with each other is Dally and an unfamiliar girl. My mind goes blank and time stops as I watch the two of them making out. They are too into it to realize I’m even in the room. Slowly, I find words and hoarsely speak them. "How could you?"

My words make them stop immediately, as they finally notice my presence. "Shit." He mutters, and nearly pushes the girl off of him. "Jess, I-"

"Save it!" I scream, louder than intended. "Nothing you say matters anymore. I thought you loved me!" I look over to the brown haired, greaser girl. "I’m giving you five seconds to get the hell out of my apartment before I fling you over the balcony." The seriousness and calmness of my voice scares even me. She doesn’t move, too shocked and frightened. "One," I begin counting. "Two." She’s long gone before I can get to three.

We are both silent at first, not sure how to address what just happened. I don’t look at him, and he doesn’t look at me. Tears are threatening to leave my eyes as I take in everything that has happened. "How long has this been going on?" I finally ask.

"Since we got back from the beach." He says without any emotion.

"Why Dallas? What did I do wrong?" The moment I speak those words I recall the conversation I had with Sodapop. He asked the exact same question. Although, the answer I gave him isn’t convincing at the moment. "All I did was love you."

A disgusted look appears on his face. "Oh don’t act like you are innocent Jessica. Don’t think I didn’t see the way you and Sodapop have been acting around eachother! I may be a no good greaser that will never be good enough for you, but I’m not stupid!"

His words sting me. I didn’t realize the attraction between me and Sodapop was that apparent. And what does he mean, he’ll never be good enough for me? I’ve stuck with him through thick and thin. "I may have had conflicted emotions Dallas, but I never cheated on you. Even when you were in jail and I was lonely I stayed faithful! But this, is different. If you weren’t happy, you should of ended this relationship. Don’t go behind my back and make out with someone in my own apartment!" I’m now feeling nauseous. Over the lies, the pain, and the hurt. "Get the hell out of my apartment Dallas."

Dally rolls his eyes and scoffs. "You can’t kick me out. All my stuff is here!"

Now is my turn to laugh. "Your stuff? Do you mean a few T shirts and jeans? Here, I’ll get them for you." I hurry into the bedroom and open the top drawer in my dresser. All of his items are in here so I grab everything and shove them in his arms. "Now get out!"

Dallas slowly walks towards the door. He goes to say something, but decides not to. Instead, he simply looks me in the eyes before storming off. For a second, I could’ve sworn I saw a hint of regret cross his face.

　

***

　

"Well, that’s everything I guess." I slam the door to the trunk of my car shut and walk around to the front of it where the gang is standing.

"Aw Jess, do you really have to leave?" Two Bit frowns. "We’re gonna miss you."

"For the last time Two Bit, yes I have to go. You can’t be a part of the New York City dance company without going to New York City." A week after the audition, I got a phone call saying I made the company. I decided to accept, instead of staying in Tulsa I get to finally go to New York and chase my dreams. "But I’m gonna miss you guys too."

I give Two Bit and Steve a hug goodbye then go over to Johnny. "Bye Jess." He says.

"Goodbye Johnny. Good luck with everything." I tell him quietly. Ponyboy comes up to me and hugs me goodbye. "Be good Ponyboy, and work hard."

"Don’t worry Jess, I’ll make sure he behaves." Darry assures me. "Good luck."

"Thank you Darry. And um, have you seen-"

"No, none of us has seen Dally today. We told him yesterday that you were leaving."

"Oh," I say quietly. "I was hoping I could say goodbye to him."

Darry pats me on the back. "I know."

Sodapop is standing apart from everyone else. "Please stay in touch." He says once I walk up to him.

"Don’t worry Soda, I’ll call as much as possible." He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you Soda."

"I love you too." He says with a tear in his eye. Without needing to say anything, we both understand that we don’t mean romantically, and any feelings we had before can no longer exist.

I open my car door and get inside. "Bye guys." I say. They all wave and say goodbye as I pull out of the Curtis driveway. Once I’m down the street I finally begin crying, no longer needing to act like I’m not hurt by Dallas Winston, the meanest, most heartless greaser I’ve ever met. The worst part is no longer what he has done, but the fact that I still love him.