If the Heart is Always Searching... An Outsiders Fanfiction

Discovered feelings

I was momentarily stunned for about a minute. Then, my brain caught up with time.

"Dallas! What are you doing?" I yelled pushing him away. I stormed off away from the lake before he could say anything. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was hoping I would end up by the cabins.

"Jess, what’s wrong?" Darry asked running up beside me.

"Dally kissed me! He has a girlfriend, Rhonda. She tried kicking my ass because I hung out with him. What’s gonna happen when she finds out he kissed me?"

"Hey, calm down. Nobody’s going to say anything to her. It’s between you, me, and Dally. I don’t think anyone else saw, and they wouldn’t tell her if they did." He tried comforting me. "Besides, you know Dally has bad judgment. He probably didn’t think it through."

I sighed and sat on an old, rusty bench. I know I was falling for Dally, but I was hoping the feeling would pass. Now every time I close my eyes, I pictured that kiss. "You’re probably right. He makes bad choices all the time. I’m just one more screw up he can add to the list."

"You know I didn’t mean it like that." Darry adds sternly.

"Yeah, I know." I say while getting up.  " I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him sooner or later.  How do we get back to the lake?"

"Good question." He laughs. We wonder around for a few minutes until we hear the gang’s voices. Finally, we make our way back to the lake and see Pony, Two Bit, and Johnny splashing each other. Steve and Soda are playing a cards on a picnic table, and Dallas is watching. He’s hinting to Steve what cards Soda has, and Soda’s too hyper to notice. From where I’m standing, it looks like Sodapop is talking a mile a minute.

I sit down on the dock, letting my feet dangle in the water . Dallas saunters over to me and takes a seat.

"Why’d you run off?" He asked me nonchalantly, as if he didn’t really care and was just trying to make conversation.

"I don’t know.  I was angry I guess."

"I thought you wanted me to kiss you. You were giving me signs and-"

"You have a girlfriend. Who hates me enough. I’ve been cheated on before, and it doesn’t feel good." I interrupt him. "I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy, who coincidentally is Rhonda."

"Then don’t flirt with me." He argues.

"I wasn’t trying to, it just happened. You don’t have to fall into every trap a girl sets for you." My voice rises.

Dallas puts his face into mine. "Who says I do? Maybe I choose what trap I want to fall for. You haven’t known me long enough."

"We’ve known each other long enough for you to kiss me apparently." I add.

"You know what? I’m sorry for kissing you. It had no meaning. I was caught in the moment. Okay?" He screams before storming off the dock towards our cabins.

"No meaning my ass!" I yell to him.

"Dumb broad." He mutters.

Okay, that one hurt; a lot. I’m not sure why, but the term "broad" sounds like a no good trashy slut. Kind of like Rhonda. I'm brought back to reality by one of those awkward moment coughs, and remembered that we had an audience.

"You’re not a dumb broad." Soda comes over to me and wipes away a tear that was rolling down my cheek. I was too angry to even notice that I started crying.

"I know, it still hurts though." I sniffle and rub my eyes.

"I know." He says softly.

"No you don’t. I doubt Dallas Winston called you a dumb broad before." I laugh half hearted.

"Nope. But I’ve been called some nasty things that weren’t true. Don’t you remember? We’re no good, juvenile delinquents, greasers, hoods. There’s a list if you want to look at it." He smiles before trying to push me off the dock into the lake.

"Hey!" I yelled before tackling him into the water.

*********************

As it got dark, we decided to make a bonfire. Dally came out of hiding in the woods, but avoided me the whole time.

"This fire is great!" Two Bit announced. "But you know what would make it better? Smores!"

"Two Bit, we don’t got smores. You ate all of the graham crackers and chocolate on the way up here. You can roast marshmallows if you want." Steve complains while taking a sip of beer.

"Fine, but you guys could’ve told me not to eat them." He says while getting out the bag of marshmallows.

"We did, but you don’t listen." I yawn. "Well, I’m going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." The guys say.

I walk into my cabin and change into my pajamas. For about 20 minutes I sit on the couch reading a magazine. Before getting into bed I look out my window and see the guys surrounding the bonfire. Two Bit’s making jokes while Darry is throwing comebacks at him. Steve and Soda are probably talking about their girlfriends or something. On the other side of the fire Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dallas are quietly talking. Those three are the most complex greasers I know. Nothing is as it seems with them. Behind their tough guy images are three boys growing up on the wrong side of town. Johnny is really a terrified abused boy, and Dallas has been through more than I can imagine. I swear Ponyboy could be successful in life, if he just tries.

My eyes go back to Dally. He looks tuff in his black leather jacket with his hair slicked back. His eyes are wild, just like him. Don’t even get me started on that smile! A reoccurring thought came to me that I didn’t think was true until now. I love Dally. I don’t want to hid my feelings for him any longer. Tomorrow I am going to make him mine, whether Rhonda likes it or not.