Take Me Home

It's Not Me

She grabs Damien's hand harshly when she sees the picture.

There's a girl who looks a bit like her, soft and unmarked. The girl has an innocence and happiness around her that Piccolina can't imagine ever having. This girl could be a family member that's how much they look alike. A one year old is asleep on the girls chest, a 6-9 year old wrapped around her legs while a boy about 14 years old sits off to the side watching over them.

"Nathaniel." Damien turns to look at her but she doesn't even realize what she said. Clint stands up coming towards her as she puts her hand against the image.

"That's you." He says quietly. "That's you with my three kids. The older boy is Cooper, the girl is Lila and the little boy is-"

"No!" She screams out shaking her head back and forth harshly.

"Piccolina." Luke says softly walking up to her. She lets him cup her face.

"That's not me." She says softly.

"It is. Obviously younger but it is."

"Younger," she says her voice sounding faint and detached. "You mean not traumatized, not marked, not defiled. You mean I look like I hadn't been tortured to the point no one could recognize me."

"Piccolina." She pushes him away shaking her head harshly as she backs away. Loki stands a few steps away watching her. They lock eyes before he slowly walks up to her.

"It's not me." She whispers.

"It is you Love." Her head snaps up staring into his eyes.

Memory

"Love." A voice calls out from behind a pillar. It's a beautiful grand palace she's standing in waiting.

"Love come here." A voice says holding his hand out as she races to catch up, the long dress catching on her shoes.

"It will be ok love." He says rocking her back and forth gently as she sobs.

"Are you ok love?" He asks after she doesn't answer his knocks. He pushes his way in to find her sobbing on the floor. "Everything will be ok." He says softly holding her close.

"NIA! Come play with us!" A little girl yells out from the yard. A boy around 12-14 is throwing a ball with a man, he turns to her smiling. She laughs when a woman comes up next to her rubbing her belly softly.

"Go play with them. Maybe Clint won't lose this time." They both laugh before she runs over catching the ball midair.

She smiles as she hangs up the phone, she turns to Clint smiling as they talk about how big The baby is getting. She leans her head against his shoulder smiling, it's great to have a family again.

She clutches her chest gasping as she stares at Loki.

"You...you would call me love." She whispers to him. His eyes widen as everyone listens in closely. She turns to Clint. "We...we played catch and...and...." She shakes her head stopping herself as the memories become too much.

"See this is you Nia." Steve says softly but she shakes her head harshly.

"No! No that's not me! That's not me! I- NO!" She runs out the room not knowing where she's going but just needing to get away from everything. She runs to the stairwell heading up. When she gets to the top she stops gasping for air.

She's not that girl. They can't be the same person. There's no way she can be that happy, carefree, loved, and innocent girl. That can't be her.

She sits there for a few hours with her arms around her knees. She hears the door open behind her but doesn't move, not even when a blanket is placed on her. She sees Bucky in her peripheral sits down next to her. They both stay quiet watching the sunset together. When the first star appears in the sky he decides to speak.

"Are you ok?" She shakes her head not looking at him.

"I'm sorry." She finally says her voice hoarse.

"Don't be." She finally looks at him seeing he is facing her fully. He's leaned back on his hands but he looks right at her. "Don't be ashamed for how you feel."

She sighs softly uncurling her legs, looking down. "I've spent all this time hoping for answers. And here I am, in a place that might have answers and...and I'm scared."

"It's overwhelming. Are you scared you'll lose yourself?" She jolts her head up to look at him. This man who she hasn't known long knows her in ways she didn't think was possible.

"Isn't that crazy. I feel like I'll lose myself but how can I lose someone I don't remember?"

"You know her, deep down."

"And if I don't?"

"We'll you'll still be you."

"No James." She says sighing softly. "I'll just be surviving and I'm tired of that. I want to do more than survive, I want to live."

He reaches over cupping her face gently. "And one day soon you will."