Back In Your Arms (GM Series #4)

11

"I can't," Aydan said. We were standing in front of Mari's room.

"You can't but you still went here?" I said.

"You'll get mad if I don't," he answered and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

I sighed.

Ang sarap kutusan ng lalaking to. Gusto kong mainis pero dahil sinusubukan niya, dahil nandito siya, susubukan kong intindihin siya.

I crossed my arms to my chest. "Buti alam mo," sabi ko. "Alam mo, magkaiba ang hindi mo kaya sa takot kang gawin. Be brave, Aydan Elliot. Anak mo yang nasa loob, hindi ibang tao."

"But-"

I cut him off. "No fucking buts, Claveria. You save other people's lives, so why can't you do that to your own daughter?"

"This is different, Amara."

"How is this different, then?" I asked. "How is your own daughter different from your patients that you can't even watch her?"

Aydan sighed. Bumuka ang bibig niya ngunit mabilis niya ring isinara. Hindi na itinuloy ang kung ano man ang balak niyang sabihin.

"Man up, Aydan. Ni hindi ka nga nag dalawang isip nung ginawa natin si Mari, tapos ngayong babantayan mo lang ang anak mo, gumaganyan ka?" I said and before he could protest, I immediately pulled him inside Mari's room. Mari was asleep.

I faced him again. "Stay here and watch your daughter. Pag nagising at hinanap ako or sila mommy, tell her that I'm on duty and her mamala and papalo went home to rest," I instructed him. "At pag umiyak, try to talk her. Calm her down. Hindi naman yan iyakin pero in case lang," I added.

"Paano pag hindi parin tumigil sa pag-iyak?" he said.

"Call me, then. Hindi siya pwedeng umiyak nang umiyak. Aatakihin siya." Paalala ko.

Aydan seemed tensed hearing but I chose to ignore that. Nagsabi na lang ako na aalis. At kahit alam kong alam naman na niya ang gagawin kung sakaling mahirapan ulit sa paghinga si Mari, I still did tell him.

I resumed on my duty after coming out from Mari's room. Hindi naman mabigat alagaan ang anak ko kaya hindi na siya mahihirapan sa pagbabantay sa kanya. Literal na babantayan niya lang si Mari kaya hindi niya kailangang kabahan.

"Hi, Nurse Amara!" Shane greeted me from the Nurse Station.

"Hello," I greeted back, smiling.

"Kumusta na ang baby mo?"

"Ayos na siya. Minomonitor na lang bago makauwi," sagot ko.

Shane smiled and I already knew what she's about to say. "She looks like Dr. Aydan. Hindi talaga maitatangging mag-ama sila. Ang cute na bata!"

"Pero bakit hindi naka-apelyido kay Dr. Aydan, Nurse Amara?" sabat naman ni Hazel.

I smiled and shook my head. "Hiwalay na kasi kami bago ko pa nalaman na buntis ako."

Alam ko namang pwedeng hindi ko na sagutin pa ang mga tanong nila tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa noon, para na rin sa privacy namin. Pero, kung hindi ko tutuldukan ang curiosity nila ngayon palang, alam kong mas lalaki pa iyon at mas dadami pa ang katanungan nila. Lalo na at hindi naman simpleng empleyado lang si Aydan sa ospital na ito. Him, as one of the biggest shareholders, makes him a big person in the hospital, making everyone around him curious about everything he does.

"Ganun? Hindi kayo nagkabalikan after nyo nalaman na may baby na kayo?"

I shook my head. "Our daughter is out of our issues. Hindi porket may anak kami ay dapat na kaming mag stay sa isa't-isa..." sabi ko "I know my daughter needs and deserves a complete family. Pero hindi naman pwedeng ipilit iyon kung hindi na pwede."

That wasn't the real story, I know. Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na ayaw ni Aydan sa anak niya. At kahit galit parin ako, hinding-hindi ako gagawa ng ikasisira niya sa ibang tao. Issue namin to, hindi kailangan ng ibang tao na malaman pa.

"Sayang naman. Ang gandang pamilya niyo pa naman," kumento pa ni Hazel.

Ngumiti na lang ako at hindi na sumagot pa. It still hurts me but all that I am concern now is my daughter. Hindi ko naman maipagpipilitan ang isang bagay hindi naman pwede.

My shift was already ended when I came back to Mari's room. Nasa pinto palang ay rinig ko na ang boses ng anak ko; masaya ang tono nito at paminsan-minsan ay tumatawa pa. I can also heard small voices inside; a child's voice.

Kunot ang noo ko ng pumasok sa loob ng kwarto at mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang may iPad na nakapatong sa mga hita ng anak ko habang may nag p-play roon na pambatang palabas. Aydan noticed me and he stood immediately.

"Mari," I called my daughter.

Agad naman itong bumaling sa akin. Binitawan nito ang iPad at itinaas ang mga kamay sa akin.

"Mummy!"

I walked to her and sat beside her. Mari immediately wrapped her arms around me.

"What is this?" I then asked, turning to Aydan while holding the iPad.

"She was crying earlier..." he said. "That's the only thing that stopped her."

"I don't let her use gadgets, Aydan. Mari is too young for things like this," I said, sighing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," he said and I just nodded.

Gusto ko sanang sabihing kasalanan niya na wala siyang alam tungkol sa anak niya, pero wala namang magbabago. Paulit-ulit na senaryo lang ang mangyayari.

"Give her puzzles or coloring books next time. She likes those," I said, handing him back his iPad.

Aydan sighed and answered, "Alright. I will remember that."

"Uhh. Mummy I'm still watching," Mari protested.

I turned to Aydan. "How long had she been watching?"

"Three hours?" He answered.

My eyes widened. "Three hours? You let her use that iPad for three hours?"

"I told you, she only stopped crying when I gave her that."

I rolled my eyes. "You could have done anything else than this, Aydan. Madali lang patahanin ang anak mo."

"I don't know, alright. Besides, that always works. Kids stop crying when you give them gadgets," he reasoned.

Halos mapa-facepalm na ako. "Where did you learned that, huh?"

"Easton," he answered. "His daughter behaves well when busy with her iPad."

I sighed. "Listen... I don't want you to treat Mari like how your friends treat their children. I don't want Mari to grow-up thinking she can have everything easily."

"She can have everything she wants. I can provide," ani niya.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. I want to be sarcastic to him, ask him what changed and he wanted to be involved in Mari's life now. But I won't. This is what I want. This is the only thing I was asking him. Him to be a father to his own daughter. But I will not agree on the ways he was thinking. My daughter needs affection more than material things, because if that's the case, I can provide. It might not be as grand as he can give her, in me, Mari can have both love and material support.

"She will not grow-up spoiled, Aydan. If you are planning to shower her with material things-things that will not help mold her to be a great person-then, thank you but no thank you. Mari doesn't need things that will fade sooner," I told him. 

I watched him watch Mari as I said that. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip niya pero sana, this time, piliin niyang maging ama sa anak niya. Iyon lang ang hinihiling ko sa kanya.