Back In Your Arms (GM Series #4)

30

It was all bright until it got dark as my whole body was aching that I couldn't figure which one hurt the most.

That's all that I remembered.

I was scared but determined. Scared that I would die without seeing my daughter safe. Determined to live to save Mari.

Mari...

My eyes fluttered open but I closed it again immediately. The lights blinded me as I opened my eyes and the sudden move of trying to stand sent sharp pain to my whole body that it reached my core.

"Don't move yet, Love." I heard Aydan speak from beside me. I also feel his hands on my shoulders, putting me in a comfortable position.

I took a deep breath but even that was hurting me.

Damn it!

Without opening my eyes, I knew I was at the hospital. The smell tells me. This place is so well known to me that I don't have to wonder where I am.

Slowly, I tried to open my eyes again. Slowly until my vision adjusts from the lights.

"Why am I here?" I asked. "Where's Mari? Aydan, where's my daughter?" I continued. I don't think I can stay lying here while my daughter is in his father's hand.

"You had an accident. You crashed with three cars, Amara! You have to rest," he answered.

"I don't care. I'm fine!" I answered hysterically. "Where's Mari? Aydan, na saan ang anak ko?!" I repeated.

I was hysterical now. I don't care if my body is fucking hurting me to core! I need to know how my daughter is. I need to see her!

"Our daughter is safe. I got her back safely. Now, please, calm down," he answered, sighing.

But I cannot be sure of his words. That had failed me a lot of times to trust on it again. "Where is she? I need to see her, Aydan!"

"She's with your parents. Amara, please, stay still. Don't move yet." He tried to settle me again but I can't be stopped. I always tried to get up every time he pushes me down.

I shook my head. "I must see her, Aydan. I need to assure she's not harmed!"

"Amara, our daughter is safe, please. She's with you parents and they are coming any moment now!"

"No! You don't understand. You can't understand me! I need to see my baby! I need to see my daughter!"

"How about the baby inside you?!" He suddenly blurted, breathing heavily. "Amara, we almost lost another child!"

"W-what?"

Another child? The baby inside me?

I'm pregnant?

Am I?

Aydan took a very deep breath. "Eighteen weeks, love. We're eighteen weeks pregnant. And our baby inside you needs extra care. We're having a high-risk pregnancy," he said.

"High...risk? W-why?" I asked, totally flabbergasted.

But instead of answering my question, Aydan shook his head and said, "You just need to take a bed rest throughout the pregnancy to avoid complications. So please, calm down now. You need to relax, love. You don't have to worry about our daughter. She's safe. She'll be here later. Your parents will bring her."

He said more words about me taking rest and everything that I have to do to make sure my pregnancy is safe but none of those sink in to me. My head was flashbacking from the day his father took Mari away; on how reckless I was that day that I risked my life and watched myself crash into three cars.

I... I can't imagine how that affects my baby.

"Is it my fault?" I still asked but I knew he would never confirm it. "It's my fault," I said, convinced that it is really my fault. "I was reckless. I put myself at risk without thinking of the consequences. Our baby was compromised because of me, right?"

"Amara, no."

"What happened, Aydan? How does the accident affect our baby? Tell me!"

"Amara, calm down, okay? Nothing happened. You're just having a sensitive pregnancy," he said.

'No!" I shook my head. "I was not like this when it's Mari. I know it's my fault! Oh, my God," I said, crying. "I almost killed my baby!"

"Amara, no. You didn't do anything. Maybe, it's because of your age. Baby, please calm down."

"Don't try to fool me, Aydan! I'm a nurse! I know how this goes!" I yelled.

I'm so tired of hearing his lies. I'm so tired of him.

"Love, please, don't stress yourself. That's not safe. Please calm down. Think of our baby," he said instead. "

I can't. I can't relax.

First, it was Mari. I put a risk by letting my guard down and relying on his words. Now, it was my second child, a baby who has not been born yet.

Oh, my God.

What kind of a mother am I?

How can I do this to my children?

I cried and cried. I'm blaming myself that I ended like this; why my babies have to suffer just because of me. I was crying that the only thing that soothed me was when my daughter arrived and I was already holding her in my arms.

I never let go of her until a doctor, Dr. Zamora, an OB-GYN, came in to check on me. She said she was here to read my test results.

"I suggest that you stop working from now on, Nurse Amara. As I have said, your pregnancy is very high-risk. You can't be stressed and lift heavy things. I also suggest watching your food intake. Please only eat food that helps to nourish. When the baby is healthy enough, that's when you can give in to your cravings," Dr. Zamora said.

I listened religiously to everything she told me about my baby, not minding what the other doctor had said.

"Apparently, we can't give you drugs that will make your recovery fast due to your pregnancy, especially pain killers. The only thing that I can suggest for you for now is to take rest—a bed rest like Dr. Zamora has said." Dr. Lim said.

I nodded. "I understand, Doc. Just please assure that my baby will be safe," I pleaded.

Dr. Zamora smiled and tapped my shoulder. "You both will. Just make sure to follow all our suggestions and both of you will be safe."

"Dr. Zamora's correct, Nurse Amara. Besides, Dr. Claveria is here. He will surely help you save your child. Just listen to him," Dr. Lim seconded.

"I'll make sure of that," Aydan said, tightening his hold on my hand.

I turned to look at him. Watching him while thinking how can he promise things when he knows he will only fail in the end?

I wonder... If I can still count on him.

I guess not. 

I just can't.