The Ruins of Winter

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Savannah Salvatorre's recital will happen next friday. Wala pa rin akong damit." Laurie said while we are having our lunch in Bonchon.

Nagsusulat ako habang siya ay naghahanap ng bistida online. Napatigil ako dahil sa pagpapaalala niya sa ballet performance ni Savannah Salvatorre. Naalala ko ang ticket na regalo dapat ni Juan Luis sa akin. It would be nice to watch it with him and meet Savannah at the same time... ngunit pagkatapos ng mga nangyari, alam ko naman na wala na akong mukhang ihaharap sa kanila.

Tatlong araw na ang lumipas mula nang nangyari ang commotion sa condo unit ni Juan Luis. I did not go home since then and changed my number so he won't be able to contact me. Nagdeactivate rin ako ng social media accounts. I am living in a very small room I found a little far from Katipunan. Maliit at hindi komportable pero mas maayos na kaysa ipagsisikan ko ang sarili ko sa lugar na iyon.

Laurie doesn't know shit about what's happening to me and that's okay. I prefer it that way. Mas okay na sa akin na walang nakaalam na nangyari iyon. Hindi kakayanin ng dignidad ko. It's not because they are right because I know myself that they are wrong but because I cannot bare remembering the look Given Hernandez gave me. Nanliliit ako. I feel like she stepped on me. I got hurt.

"What's better?" Tanong ni Laurie at ipinakita sa akin ang tatlong picture ng bistida na pinagpipilian niya, "Or huwag na lang kaya ako pumunta?"

"Huh? Sayang naman..." I said, "That's Savannah Salvatorre."

Yes, it's a big deal. Everything that involves Savannah Salvatorre is a big deal. She's the daughter of two successful performers in the field of dancing. And she's amazing herself. She's making her own name. Mali. She already made a name. Everyone will kill for a ticket just to watch her sway with the music like the white swan that she is.

I really admire her. Bilang isang babae at bilang isang tao na minsan na ring nangarap na magpatuloy na sumayaw sa entablado. Too bad, though. She probably hates me now. Dahil baka akala niya ay ginagamit ko talaga ang kaibigan niya. Gustong gusto ko rin siyang mapanood at marami akong itatanong sa kanya pero ngayon, imposible na yata iyon.

"Hindi rin kasi makakanood si Tyrone," Laurie pouted in disappointment, "Wala rin akong kasama. I even got an upperbox ticket for this but it turns out that he's busy on December 20. Sayang,"

Hindi ko binibilang ang mga araw. I am not even sure how many months or weeks it has been since the last time I heard that name. Siguro, medyo matagal na rin talaga dahil ngayon, hindi na ako nasasaktan. It's just... nothing now. Ni hindi ko nga maalala ang boses niya o kung paano niya ako iniwan. I just know the fact that he's someone who left me hanging. So I moved on.

Ganoon pala talaga. Kahit mukhang imposible, you will still get to the point of moving on. Dadating pa rin pala talaga ang araw na mapapagod ka na lang na masaktan at makakalimutan mo na lang. Gigising ka na lang na malaya ka na.

"I have an idea!" Laurie's face lighted up, "How about we go together? Oh my god!"

I chuckled, "Hay nako, Laurie, wala akong panahon para sa ganyan."

Ofcourse, it's a lie. I can cancel whatever stupid plan I have for the 20th if I want to. Ang problema ay hindi ko kaya. Ang problema ay si Juan Luis na ilang araw na akong sinusubukan na kausapin. I'm sure that he will be there because that's his friend and I don't want him to drag himself into my life again. Tama na iyong mga natulong niya. I am thankful for it pero tama na.

"Just one night, Erys!" Pangungulit ng kaibigan ko, "Upperbox lang naman 'to. We don't have to mingle with other people too much. Nasa ibaba naman iyong mga bigtime na audience. We will just watch and go home rin agad!"