The Ruins of Winter

Chapter 38

warning: r-18, havriel (read at your own risk!)

Chapter 38

"Mama..."

I woke up to Isaiah's gentle voice as the sunlight caresses my cheek. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras ako nakatulog pero sigurado akong late na. I kept tossing in my bed last night. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nagsimulang dapuan ng antok. I felt Isaiah's arm around my tummy.

"Tito told me a story when we played basketball this morning." He started talking, "About how I have a baby sister who is now an angel. Tito told me that she might be the reason why I finally healed. He told me that she might be talking to God for me."

I automatically felt my tears on my cheeks, hindi nakikita ni Isaiah dahil nasa dibdib ko ang mukha niya. Humigpit ang yakap ko kay Ice. Juan Luis might be right. Isaiah might really have a guardian angel in the form of the child I lost before even knowing. 

"Mama, please don't get mad at Tito. Please don't shout at each other, it's scary."

I kissed his forehead, "I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry."

It's just so wrong in many ways to shout and fight each other in front of Isaiah. Hindi ko na napigilan ang nararamdaman ko kagabi. Halo-halo na. Masyado nang magulo. Ayokong manatili dito dahil ayokong hilahin si Juan Luis sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko. I got mad while trying to prove my point. I got mad and said so many hurtful things.

"You should apologize to each other. Nagsosorry rin si Tito sa akin kanina."

He probably realized that Isaiah is there. Alam naman namin pareho na maling mag-away sa harap ng mga bata. Lalo na ako. I grew up watching my mother and father shout at each other. I should've known better. 

"We will..." sagot ko kahit na hindi naman ako sigurado. 

I don't know if last night's conversation can be fixed with an apology. Pero kahit na hindi ay hihingi pa rin ako ng tawad dahil iyon ang tamang gawin. 

The truth is, no one is meeting Yuri today. Not even after that fight last night. Hindi ko na nagawang i-message si Yuri. I feel like I told that to him just because I want him to stop. 

I feel like people will never understand. I know that Juan Luis is hurting. Pero ako, natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na kapag ibang resulta talaga ang lumabas sa test ay mas lalo kaming magkasakitan. It's hard to make these decisions because it doesn't just involve me, it involves Isaiah.