The Ruins of Winter

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"Maraming salamat sa tulong mo. Pwede ka nang umuwi." Sabi ko.

I hate it. I hate the situation. It felt like the world is mocking me. It felt like the world is laughing at my face, reminding me of how much I am indebted to this person. At ngayon, dinagdagan pa ang mga utang na hindi ko kayang bayaran sa kanya.

I have the guts to tell him that I will pay for everything he gave me in Iceland and France but here I am with a messy make up and messy life. Halatang hindi alam ang gagawin at naguguluhan sa paligid. Halatang hindi nagtagumpay sa buhay. Halatang puro salita lang at puro yabang.

Why do I even have to meet him again? Bakit sa lahat ng tao na tutulong sa anak ko... ay siya pa? Bakit kailangan niya pang mapunta sa Camiguin? Bakit kailangan pa naming guluhin ulit ang buhay ng isa't isa?

"DNA test." He uttered. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to gather all the patience left in me. Who is he to suggest that to me?

"Juan Luis." I called his name.

"DNA test so I'll be sure." Saad niya, "Erys, please. I saw his chart. September 2? That was nine months after everything that happened. Who are you trying to fool?"

"No one. Because I'm not lying to you when I told you that he is not your son." Sagot ko habang diretsong nakatingin sa kanya, "Kung ano man ang narinig mo kay Tain, iyon talaga ang nangyari. And this child... this is not yours..."

"Erys..." He called, "You are simply lying to me right now because... if he's not my child then... there is someone else? Sino? Ha?"

"You don't know him." Sagot ko sa kanya. Luis' lips parted as he stared at me. Diretso ang tingin ko sa kanya, "Yes, there was someone else. And you don't know him."

It's so funny how that night is the most vivid to me. It felt like freedom from all the pain back then. Yuri, from what I remembered his name is, was a breathe of fresh air. He is candid and natural. He is poetic and beautiful. He is the opposite of Juan Luis. He was gentle and slow. At sa gabing iyon, pakiramdam ko, natibag niya ang mga pader na pilit kong binuo para kay Juan Luis.

Only for me to realize that no matter how many people ruins that wall, there's only one that can build it again. Dahil may mga taong sisira sa mga pader na pinaghirapan mo... pero hindi lahat sila, kaya kang buoin muli.

"DNA test." He repeated.

"Umuwi ka na," Sagot ko.

"If he's not really my son then let's do the test. You just have to give me a strand of his hair and I will do the rest. Ano ba ang mahirap doon?" He asked.

"Ano bang tingin mo sakin?" I looked at him, "Tell me, what do you really think of me? That I wouldn't know who the father of my child is? I know what I did. I know all the shit that happened back then. Hindi ko kailangang ipa-test ang anak ko para malaman kung sino ang tatay niya."

Mariin siyang pumikit at huminga ng malalim. He looked at me with teary eyes, "Then my child..."

"I lost it." I answered him, "Even before I could know, I already lost it. Ang batang tinulungan mo, Juan Luis, ay hindi mo anak. Go home. Go home now..."

Tumalikod ako mula sa kanya at humakbang palayo, dahan-dahan, at sa loob-loob ay naghihintay na muli siyang magsalita. And he did... so I stopped walking again.

"What happened, Erys?" He whispered with desperation, "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin... na nawalan tayo?"

Para akong natinik sa biglaang pagtatanong niya. Pain dripped from his voice.