The Ruins of Winter

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"I'm so happy for you," I told Risela. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nangilid ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

"Nakakatakot kaya..." she told me.

Umiling ako, "Hindi ka iiwan ni Tain kaya alam ko na mas magiging madali. You can do this, Risela. Hindi ka mag-isa. He will always be with you."

"Is it hard for you?" she suddenly asked.

We were in different situations. But I guess, kahit saang parte ka ng buhay mo, mahirap at nakakatakot kapag nalaman mong may buhay kang iluluwal pagkatapos ng ilang buwan.

"Too hard, I almost gave him up..." I said, "I loathed the fact that I ruined my own dreams... and I feel so apologetic that my son feels that he's not loved... pero ikaw, kaya niyo yan," I think she needs more people to believe in her, "Kaya niyo yan..."

"I don't think that Ice felt that way, Erys." Risela held my hand, "I don't think he felt that way with you. Mahal na mahal mo siya, at nakita naming lahat iyon."

Bumisita si Risela at Tain sa amin ni Juan Luis ngayon. They told us that she's already pregnant. Damang dama ko ang saya nilang dalawa. And after everything that happened, it's also the first time that I saw JL become so lively as he greets the both of them. They would think that he's finally okay. They would think that he's coping well.

"Ingat sa biyahe," JL told Tain, "Kaskasero ka pa naman."

"Between you and me, everyone knows that it's you." Tain joked before looking at me, "Mauna na kami, Erys."

I nodded and gave him a smile, "Thank you sa tulong, Risel."

"No worries, contact me if you need help," she said.

Maiiwan na naman kaming dalawa. Nauna akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay at agad na iniligpit ang mga ginawa namin kanina. Bukod sa pagbisita nila, tumulong sila Risela sa pag-aayos para sa birthday ni Ice. Hindi pa naman malapit, pero nag-iisip ako ng panibagong dahilan kung paano ko siya bibisitahin ulit.

Umuwi na sila Tita Yolly at Papa sa Camiguin para sa naiwan na trabaho. Sa totoo lang, sasama na dapat ako, pero sa kalagayan ni Juan Luis, hindi ako makaalis. Tito Elian asked if I could stay with him for a few months and that is what I'm doing right now. But I really don't know if I could stay more.

I am trying to cope. Sinusubukan ko talagang mabuhay ulit. Gumigising ako sa umaga, nagluluto ng almusal, inaayos ang sarili. I'd watch films all day or try to find work. Pero sobrang sakit pa rin. Kahit katiting, hindi nabawasan ang sakit na nasa puso ko.

"Gagabihin ako sa trabaho, so don't wait for me for dinner tomorrow," Juan Luis said.

JL continued being a pilot. Ofcourse, it's easy for him to get the job he lost. He is an asset to the industry. Instead of applying, they offered him the job. Nagsimula siyang magtrabaho dalawang araw pagkatapos ng burol. The last time I saw him cry is at the burial too. But there's something about him... that feels so empty.

"Are you okay?" tanong ko sa kanya. Ofcourse I am concerned, kaming dalawa lang ang lubos na nakakaintindi sa isa't isa kaya mas maayos kung mag-uusap kami at kukumustahin ang isa't isa from time to time. I need it, so I know that Juan Luis needs it too.