Married Life - Through ups & downs

17. Harsh reaction

POV Poyraz

The doctor's gaze goes from my face to Haziran's, then vice versa and he must clearly see our two diametrically opposed reactions because he suddenly seems super embarrassed.

« I ... I'll let you discuss it for a few minutes and then I'll come back with your discharge papers and pregnancy brochures that could answer any questions you may have. »

I would certainly have reacted badly to the look of pity he gave me before leaving the room, if I had been able to give it any intention. Only, all my attention, all my concerns are turned to Haziran. Unable to understand her reaction, I study her with my eyes without understanding what I see on her face, in her gaze, or rather, the reasons for what I see. Panic, rejection, even disgust... but the more I study her, the more she hides behind an indecipherable mask.

« Haziran ? » I blow, uncertain.

As she still refuses to look at me, I reach for her cheek, but barely brush her skin as she jumps off the bed and pulls away from me. I take it as outright rejection. And that hurts. Very bad.

But the most painful is still the fact that I had often imagined the day when we would learn that we were expecting a baby, I had even dreamed about it. And, even if I didn't imagine it happening before a long time, I never envisioned it happening that way. I had always thought of it as good news, a happy moment, of pure happiness. And it had been, for a fraction of a second. Looking back, perhaps having idealized this moment so much made the fall all the more shattering...

She wraps an arm around her with her back bent, curling up in a protective position, and nibbles the thumbnail of her other hand which is shaking like a craving drug addict. Damn, she seems really scared... It's stronger than me, I feel the need to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything will be fine, but I know she doesn't want me to touch her. It's her silence that terrifies me the most.

« Haziran, say something... » I almost beg her.

« I can't. » She says softly.

« What ? » I clearly don't understand...

« Having this baby. I can't... »

« I don't understand, Haziran, I thought we wanted kids, that this was one of our plans. »

« We said we would wait. » Her voice sounds almost desperate.

« Yes, but that was before you got pregnant, now he's already here. »

« So what ? Does that mean I no longer have a choice ? » She questions me, finally turning to me.

« Haziran... the only choice is either to have this baby or to have an abortion. At this point, there is no other way.»

This state of affairs seems to leave her in shock and she turns even more pale. She is much more disturbed by the news than I expected, for not having come to this obvious conclusion on her own. She then shakes her head negatively and turns her back to me again.

« I'm not ready, I can't. » She repeats.

« No one is ever really ready. » I try. « Look, I get it, you were taken by surprise, it's a shock and... and maybe it scares you a little bit but we're together. We can do everything together, right ? You'll see, in a few days we will be happy with this news. »

As she doesn't react and says nothing, I approach slowly and put my hands on her forearms which I rub gently in a soothing gesture. A small sigh escapes her as I feel her relax slightly. Taking this as a sign of encouragement, I gently put my arms around her and put my lips to her neck. Her body leans against mine and I smile gently against her skin.