Married Life - Through ups & downs

10. I miss you so much

POV Haziran

I haven't slept all night. It's not easy to sleep alone, once you get used to sleep with someone. Well, it's especially hard not to sleep with Poyraz... I got so used to sleeping in the warmth of his arms, breathing his reassuring scent, feeling the contact of his body against mine...

It's even less easy when you have a broken heart and a preoccupied mind.

In the middle of the morning, I crack and I turn on my cell phone. I even manage to convince myself that I turn it on only to reassure Biricik, before finally seeing unread messages from Poyraz, missed calls and a voicemail. There I understand that it's actually for him that I wanted to turn it on.

With a shaky sigh, I press down on our conversation and quickly parade his messages based on "That's not what I meant", "It's a misunderstanding", "I love you", "Forgive me", "Come back", "Talk to me", "Answer me".

With tears in my eyes, I call my voicemail and listen to his message:

"Haziran, hayatim, it's me... Look, I... I'm so sorry, okay ? I didn't really mean it. I don't regret marrying you, how could I ? I love you so much, if you only knew... and I hate myself for hurting you. Please call me... give me a chance to explain myself. Or tell me where you are and I'll get to there right away, I... I can't live without you, Haziran, you are everything to me. Please give me a chance... I love you."

I am shaken by the timbre of his voice, trembling with emotions. This time the tears are running down my cheeks. I'm about to call him back when I retract. I need time... I mustn't rush over and jump into his arms just because I miss him. I have to take the time I need.

.

I only turn my phone back on in the evening, when I call Biricik to speak with her. She then explains to me the morning visit of Poyraz. She tells me how much she found him worried full of regrets and that she really felt sorry for him despite her anger but that she didn't say anything.

I also see new missed calls and messages from him, but this time I don't read them, I don't want to hurt myself even more. So I just turn off my phone again.

.

POV Poyraz

- You have to be patient, maybe she just need time. Melisa says, trying to reassuring me.

We are seated around a table on the terrace of Melisa's café, with Alper. Both trying to cheer me up without much success despite my attempts to change the subject.

- It's been two days... How many time does she need ? She doesn't even let me a chance to explain. I retort.

- She's hurt. Melisa respond in a sorry shrug.

- I know. And I know it's my fault but... She can't just go away like that ! I'm her husband. When you're married you can't just packed a suitcase and go without any explanation.

- Keep trying to reach her, even if she doesn't answer you, it's important that she sees that you continue anyway. Alper advises me, giving me a friendly pat on the shoulder.

I nod. My mood gets even darker when Zeynep arrives. She stops next to us and I take it upon myself to avoid looking at her.

- So I found out that my daughter was gone. She launches. Did she finally make the best decision for her future ? Has she returned to Istanbul ? To her old life ? Did you two split up ?

My stomach clench at the possibility that she has returned to Istanbul but I refuse this idea. She didn't break up, she didn't leave me, she simply said that she needed time and when we say that it's that we intend to come back.