A few years ago when I started this "book" or a better fitting name would be a public diary of my thoughts, I was in such a dark place.
Its no longer dark. The dark doesn't consume me like it did in the past years. Has it been lingering on the sidelines, yes, yes it has but the choke hold it had on me is no longer a thing. I will admit I do have bad days, but they're not like how they used to be. Now they're just a gloomy day, cloudy skies, with drizzling rain, that doesn't last for days/months. Before these days were more like hurricanes, lasting months, even years. Theres was rain non stop, everything around me constantly falling apart, I'd build it all up just for it to be teared down again. The damage, it was devastating, and more than often I would give up on fully fixing it.
Im not sure what changed. Well no I do know what changed, I let go of my parents, I finished grieving. For so long I held on to the pain of losing them both. With every new exciting moment in my life I reminded myself that I would never be able to share those moments with them. Which in return prevented me from enjoying those moments. Once I let go, I learned to enjoy the little moments to the fullest. I learned that its okay to feel pain but that I shouldn't let it consume me, I learned that its okay to be happy even with my parents being gone.
YOU ARE READING
my thoughts at 12 a.m.
RandomPeople wonder what goes on in others minds... well here's what runs through my mind during the time where bodies sleep and brains race for solutions to the problems they create or may face each day... yet sometimes most of these thoughts stay a secr...
