When our hearts collided

Chapter 36: Mariah

As we made our way to the airport. I felt nothing but pain and heartache all through my body. I thought leaving Jacob would be easy once I left him the letter. It was suppose to be my good bye and a way for me to move forward but it felt like the opposite.

I sat there looking out the window as we made it further and further way from the city until there was nothing but aeroplanes in front of us. As we made it to the airport we grabbed our things from the Uber and made our way to the entrance. As we made our way inside we checked to see where we needed to check in and made our way to the counter to book in. As they processed our things we then made our way over to the transit lounge until It was our time to board.

We sat there for the longest time until they called our flight over the speaker.

We made our way in the line to the crew member and just as I was about to hand my ticket over I heard my name being called from behind me.

I took a step to side looking to see who it was. As I looked behind me there he was standing there just looking back at me. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Omg what are you doing here." I said.

I just stood there as he confessed his feelings.

"I'm here to tell you that I love you and that I don't want you to leave." He replied as he continued.

"I got your letter and it made me realise that I have to keep fighting or you."

"Jacob, you know I cant stay." I replied.

I had so much going on and a life that was waiting for me in Australia. As much as I wanted to stay I couldn't and I thought he already knew that. God he was stubborn. Just another trait of his that made him who he was. A man who wasn't a quitter and although he was being stubborn about this it was something I admired about him especially when it came to his online content and with me. He always seemed to do everything with such ease.

He continued and said

"I know you want to. I know you love me, so why?" He asked.

I didn't really have the perfect answer to that but I know that it would be the harsh truth of just how different our lives really were. Where we were in our lives at this moment were a million years apart. He got to live the life of dreams and I was stuck with the average everyday Iife. I had dreams of becoming a singer and doing the exact same thing as him but unfortunately God had other plans. Maybe one day God would give me the opportunity to show my talent and to shine but at this moment in my life he hadn't. Unfortunately for us it meant that this was it.

"Loving you is something that I will always hold deep within my heart, you know that. But my stupid life I have is what I cant turn my back on. My entire life is in Australia. My family, my friends and my studies. I'd stay here in a heart beat if I didn't have it at all that but I do." I continued

"Please move on, for the both of us." I said as a tear escaped my eye and made it down my cheek.

...

He just grabbed me and held me in his arms. Oh I wanted nothing more than to just tell him I was staying but I had to be strong and leave and I knew the longer I stayed under his embrace I would probably just give in and change my mind. I couldn't do that. He smelt so good, and he already left a mark on me like no other and I would carry it all with me no matter where I went. I had to be strong and let him go one last time.

I muffled into his chest.

"Go Jacob, forget about me. Please I can't do this anymore." I said as I began to slip away from his embrace.

As the flight crew asked us.

"Are you ready to board, the plane will be leaving in two minutes." She said to us both.

"Can you just give us a minute, thank you." Jacob replied as he looked down at me. I looked deep within his eyes and saw nothing but pain and genuine love. It hurt me that I had to do this to him. I didn't want to but I had no choice.

"How do you think I feel? I'm hurting just as much as you. I know you love me and I know you have everything back home. I know I'm a coward for asking you to choose. I know I shouldn't but I just cant let you go. I thought I could but I can't." He continued.

"I know if you leave just know this isn't the end. I won't give up. I will find a way back to you to win you over once and for all. The choice is yours." He concluded.

I just looked at his beautiful face and I saw how broken he had looked. I saw all the pain I had caused him. Pain I never wanted to see. Everything I had promised or ever wished for was that he would always be happy, but here I was breaking his heart all over again. Why did he have to be here. He was suppose to be back at his house asleep and I was suppose to be up in the air by the time he woke up. Far away from him so the pain would slowly subside. I knew that I would of hoped on the plane without a second thought if he wasn't here because I thought I was doing both of us a favour. In the moment since he has been standing here I wasn't sure If I was making the right decision for him or even for myself.

I just stood there knowing I had to make a decision on whether I would leave or whether I would stay. All these questions began to form in my head on whether I would board the plane or not. All the what ifs began to play over in my mind. Could I leave him and move on with my life? Could I move on hoping that time would heal me? Would I have any regrets? I wasn't sure what everything meant in that moment. I wasn't even sure If I could make the decision right this second. I needed more time. Unfortunately time was the one thing that was never on mine or Jacob's side. No matter how much time we tried to make, it some how always left us empty handed with nothing but the memories and the feeling of what it was.

As I looked back between the gate and to Jacob. I still wasn't sure, but I know the time was ticking. It felt like hours trying to decide but it had only been seconds. The one time that I wanted the world to swallow me whole it didn't. I began to close my eyes trying to envision what each life held for me. As soon as I closed my eyes it lead to Jacob. I envisioned walking down the aisle and all that I dreamt to have with him. A home, a family and the protection of being wrapped in his arms. Just as I thought that it was my answer something was telling me that all that I had wanted, it would never ever truly be mine. Immediately I knew my answer.

I immediately opened my eyes and began to cry. I knew that this was it. With lots of pain in my heart I knew I had to leave whether I liked it or not. I didn't want to and we both knew that, but I really truly did have to let go. I know I probably would regret this and I wasn't entirely sure what this meant for either of us or what our future held together or as individuals but the sooner I let go the easier this would become. We tried holding on for dear life but unfortunately we fell short of the fuse. With one step in front of the other I walked the few steps and pulled him down to me in a quick hug. Tears were bawling down my face but I held onto him as long as I could and whispered into his ear.

"I love you, but please go. Hold me close in your heart and don't forget the good times we had. Keep the letter, keep my chain. Remember me. But please for your sake promise me to move on and be happy ok. I will be ok. I have you in my heart so I know I will." Before I continued and said my final words.

"I'm sorry."

I couldn't stop crying. Immediately I let go and he let me go without hesitation. I knew then that he had accepted that I had to leave. I felt extremely sad that I had caused him all this pain and especially the heart ache I was causing. I broke his heart not once but twice. It really did hurt me deep within my core. I looked at his face as I walked off. He looked devastated and broken. I wanted to just turn around and tell him this was a joke or that somehow I would just wake up from the nightmare and wake up in his arms, but it wasn't this was real.

He just looked at me and yelled.

"I'm not giving up, one way or another we will be together, fate brought us together once so It will bring us together again. I promise."

As I gave one last glance over my shoulder as I made the painful steps one step in front of the other down the corridor onto the plane that held the the key to my future. Whatever it was that my future held for me, would it be one that I would be happy with?